Parts Unknown
by turntoPaige394
Summary: He looked exactly like her husband... her soulmate... right down to the scar on his nose and the freckle on his throat. But Severus was staring as if he didn't know her and there was was no longer love warming his dark eyes. On the ends of that empty gaze, Hermione felt like she had died all over again. [SEQUEL to THE BOY FROM THE EASTSIDE] [PART 5 of The Ties that Bind series]
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I do not own Harry Potter or anything from that universe. Only our Queen J.K. Rowling has that honor.**

 ***Well, well, well. Here we are again! This is supposed to be a companion piece to 'The Boy From the Eastside' although I suppose it could probably be read on it's own. This is set 20 years after the ending of 'The Boy From the Eastside'.***

* * *

 _"I kinda like living in Hell with you_

 _Heaven's a lie_

 _You know I would always choose_

 _Your darker side_

 _Baby, that's my favorite view_

 _'Cuz I'm a little messed up, too..."_

- _Alice Gray_ _, "Hell With You"_

x-x-x

x-x-x

 _May 2, 1998- 20 years after Hogwarts graduation_

It was bad.

Death Eaters were pouring into the castle from every direction, blasting holes in the stone if there was not a window or door readily available. She knew that this was going to be it, that this battle would determine the fate of the Wizarding world and, quite possibly, that of the rest of the world as well. But she had also hoped, perhaps naively, that good would readily and easily triumph over evil.

That was not how it was happening at all.

Order members and Hogwarts students, some that she and Severus had taught for years, were being killed faster than some could draw their wands. The Death Eaters were merciless and their sympathizers were worse. As if the unending torrent of silver-masked, black-cloaked figures wasn't bad enough, all manner of Dark, twisted creatures were right on their heels, eager to sink their fangs and/or claws into anything and everything they could, so long as it was alive and on the side of the Order. Vampires, giants, acromantulas, werewolves; they were flooding the halls of Hogwarts right alongside the Death Eaters, eagerly helping to taint the ancient stones of the school with rivers of innocent blood.

It was bad.

" _Crucio!_ "

Hermione felt a large hand on her shoulder just moments before she was pulled to the ground by it. She glanced over her shoulder to see her husband's slender body contorting unnaturally under the torture curse, his eyes and mouth wide with horror and pain. Her brain kicked into high gear and she lunged in front of him like a human shield, breaking the Death Eater's line of sight long enough for the curse to subside. Antonin Dolohov bared his yellow teeth in anger and thrust his wand at her in a threatening motion that she instantly recognized as the precursor to the Killing Curse. Internally thanking Moody for impressing upon them the importance of learning non-verbal magic all those years ago, she took Dolohov down before he could even begin to mouth the words with a silent _Stupefy_. As soon as his body hit the wood floor, she turned back to her husband.

"Severus! Are you okay? Can you stand?"

He was breathing a little heavier than usual but otherwise seemed to be in one piece. Severus rolled his neck, "I just need a minute, but I'll be fine. Hermione… you really shouldn't have—"

Hermione put her fingers against his mouth, "Where you go, I go remember?"

His onyx eyes softened.

"You've been out of practice too long," she said gently, brushing back a fringe of his silky, raven's wing hair. "I love you, but your reflexes have slowed. If we're going to make it through this, you need me here. So do us both a favor and shut up about it, yeah?"

Before he could respond, there was a crash of stone and the wall behind him gave way as two masked Death Eaters whisked into the castle on the wind. Their obsidian, corporeal forms solidified as they touched down to the floor of the tower and by the time Hermione had shoved Severus' still trembling body behind her, they had their wands raised to her face and chest.

"Well, well," said one of the masked figures in a distinctly feminine voice. "If it isn't the Potions Master and his pet Mudblood? The Dark Lord will be most pleased."

Hermione threw a silent stunning spell that they easily flicked away.

The Death Eaters took a synchronized, lunging step closer.

She quickly cast a non-verbal _Incarcerous_ that caught the second one, the one who had spoken, by surprise and rendered her useless on the floor, fighting in vain against the tight, asphyxiating bindings constricting around her throat.

Hermione panicked. She hadn't meant to aim for the woman's throat! She hadn't meant to…

A few seconds later, the Death Eater's silver-masked head thumped against the wood. She was dead.

Hermione heart twisted painfully in her chest. She didn't want to kill _anyone_ , she always said she wouldn't even if she was up against Lord Voldemort himself. She had always fought with the philosophy that she would happily stun or bind someone until another Order member could arrive and take care of the rest. Never, not once, not even in all their years working for the Order, had she killed a Death Eater. But things were different this time…

Now, it was clearly kill or be killed.

And she had no intention of leaving her husband.

The remaining Death Eater looked down at his fallen companion and then back to her. There was a split second of stillness before he attacked, wand forgotten on the ground, screeching like a banshee.

"You killed her!" He screamed, his mask flying off to reveal Corban Yaxley's face contorted with anguish and rage. Tears poured from his narrowed eyes as he dove at her with his hands twisted into the shape of claws. " _You fucking bitch! You fucking killed her!_ "

She shoved her husband, who was still on the ground trembling with aftershocks of the violent Cruciatus, further away with a sharp jab of her foot, "Severus, _go!_ "

Still reeling over the woman she just murdered, Hermione's reflexes were much too slow to stun Yaxley before he reached her. He crashed into her and tackled her to the ground, swinging at her with a combination of fists and claws. He was snarling with rage as he struck her, over and over, not even slowing for a fraction of second when blood spurted from her broken nose and split eyebrow.

Now she understood why Moody had also vehemently recommended hand-to-hand combat lessons. She was kicking herself for allowing the other Order members to convince her to ignore his somewhat paranoid ramblings.

Hermione managed to grab her wand from under Yaxley's leg and was readying herself to cast another non-verbal stunner when something yanked the man off of her and tossed him over the balustrade into the night. She looked up into the shadowed eyes of her husband, who at the moment, looked very much like a Death Eater himself. His chest was heaving and his expression was murderous as he took in the undoubtedly ghastly wounds on her face. His limbs were still shaking a little but he reached for her and she took his hand, heaving herself up.

"Get out of here," he growled, much harsher than she had ever heard him before. "Get yourself out _now_."

Hermione spit some blood onto the floor before dragging her sleeve across her mouth, "I won't leave you, Severus." She looked up at him, blinking blood from her eyes. " _Where you go, I go_."

"Hermione—"

There was a flurry of movement over her husband's shoulder and her eyes widened as she saw Dolohov stumbled to his feet with a look of fury on his face. He raised his wand to Severus' back.

"Get down!" She screamed, knocking him aside with all her strength.

There was a flash of green that whizzed past her riotous hair, right where Severus had been, but she wasn't fazed. Hermione leapt forward aggressively, throwing any and every hex, curse, or jinx she could think of at him. There was no more time for feeling the dark twist of guilt in her gut at the thought of killing. Now, there was only survival.

Dolohov was better prepared for her this time. He blocked every spell with expert precision, casting them right back at her as quickly as she threw them. Every now and then he would try and hit Severus with something but she was always prepared for that, her right hand stretched towards him in a protective gesture, ready to cast another _Protego_ around him at a moment's notice. Thank all the Gods she was ambidextrous and could cast with both hands.

Severus kept trying to push her aside or to cast something over her shoulder at the Death Eater, but she would just push him back again and cause him to stumble. He was too weak from the strength of Dolohov's Cruciatus to be helpful right now and she really didn't want him wasting what little energy he had left. The battle was far from over, that much she knew for certain, and Dolohov's _Crucio_ had been far too powerful for him to be at his strongest. No, right now it was _her_ job to protect _him_.

"You won't win," Dolohov sneered as he threw an Entrail-Expelling curse at her. "Not against _me_."

She blocked the majority of his curse but a small piece broke through her faltering _Protego_ and sliced, deep, into her abdomen. Hermione stumbled, gripping her stomach as blood pumped from the wound in time with her frantic heartbeat. The wound wasn't deep enough to kill her on its own, but if she didn't staunch the bleeding soon, she would easily bleed out. There was a flash of light as Severus cast something from behind her, knocking Dolohov off his feet with the strength of the spell.

"Heal yourself as best you can," he said as he stepped in front of her. "I'll take care of him."

She wanted to argue, to protest that he was still too weak and that she would be fine, but she was already feeling lightheaded. Hermione waved her wand at gaping wound, mumbling every healing spell she could ever remember learning or Severus teaching her. The gash slowly knitted itself closed but she was still woozy from the rapid blood loss. What she _needed_ was a Blood-Replenishing potion, but seeing as that was not an option, Hermione simply scrambled a standing position, gripping the parapet until she could gain her bearings.

Dolohov had gotten back to his feet and was now throwing fierce, dark curses at Severus with blinding speed. It was as she suspected then; Dolohov didn't care so much what happened to her. It was Severus he was after.

Her vision swam for a moment. Was Severus slowing down or was it just the blood loss making her see things? She shook her head to clear it but when she looked back up, her question was answered. Severus was panting heavily, sweat dripping from his sharp face as he struggled to keep up with the ferocity of Antonin Dolohov. He was too slow for this. She knew this would happen, she had known from the moment he had revealed his intentions to fight in the Final Battle. At full strength, Severus Snape was a force to be reckoned with. On the ends of a violent _Crucio_ , after months of recon and spy work instead of physical training, he was not.

She had to help him. Dolohov had quickly gotten the upper hand and was advancing on them now. His curses were becoming darker, faster, and more accurate. Severus' strength was waning quickly and it wouldn't be long before he simply didn't have the energy to fight anymore. Hermione heaved herself forward, throwing a weak _Reducto_ at the other man but it wasn't enough to warrant anything more than a vague flick of his wand in her direction. His eyes gleamed hungrily in the dim light, and they were locked directly on her husband.

She could feel the panic constricting her chest as the severity of the situation began to set it.

They were completely fucked.

" _Crucio!_ "

Severus deflected.

 _"Sectumsempra!_ "

Severus deflected again, though slightly slower. His arms were trembling.

" _Incarcerous!_ "

Hermione watched in horror as her husband was, finally, too slow and the ropes that sprung from the end of Dolohov's wand wrapped like greedy tendrils around the one in Severus' hand. With a wicked grin, Dolohov yanked the spell back and the wand was ripped from Severus' grasp, leaving him completely disarmed.

She immediately stumbled in front of Severus, her wand trained shakily on Dolohov's heart.

"I'm not interested in you," he crooned, twirling the second wand between his stubby fingers. "Move aside. I only have orders for _him_."

"Not a chance in Hell," she hissed.

The Death Eater shrugged, "Have it your way."

It all happened very quickly then. Dolohov raised his wand, Severus gripped her arm and yanked her back, and there was a flash of brilliant emerald light that blinded her.

When her vision returned, Dolohov was gone and her husband was on the floor, his eyes staring wide into nothing and his chest frozen in place.

He wasn't breathing.

Hermione fell to her knees in horror as she gripped Severus' heavy teaching robes, "N… no…"

He didn't move.

"No… no! _No! NO!_ " She cupped his angular face and his skin was still warm, making her stomach twist. "Severus! _Severus!_ "

There was no response.

She started screaming.

Throughout her life, Hermione had known pain. As a muggleborn soulmate bonded to a Slytherin—an extremely intelligent, talented, highly sought-after Potions Master—pain was something she had become rather intimately familiar with. First, from their time in school together when he was in love with Lily Evans. Then, from the rise of Lord Voldemort and his subsequent persistent attempts at recruitment of her husband- followed by multiple assassination attempts when he vehemently refused. She had known the feeling so well she could almost call it a friend. It was something that had been with her for most of her life now, continually residing in the far reaches of her heart- always there, never completely disappearing. As if it knew that she was a slave to it. As if it knew she would never be able to escape from it.

But this… _this_ was so much worse than the constant, dull aching pain she had grown accustomed to since Severus had almost been killed all those years ago. This was searing and jagged, like broken glass set on fire. This was consuming, all-encompassing, and devouring.

She would never survive this.

Hermione shoved her forehead against his, tears splashing onto his frozen face. How could this… how could this happen? After everything they had been through, after everything it took for them to finally be together, how could it just… _end_ like this?

They were married. They were _soulmates_. They had successfully thwarted Voldemort's attempts on Severus' life many times over. How could the Gods just take him away from all of that so easily?

Broken, desperate sobs ripped from her chest as she clung to him. It was all her fault. She had known he shouldn't fight, she had known he had been out of the field for too long, but she had let him come anyway. She hadn't even put up a fight! She had been so _sure_ that the Order was going to win, so _certain_ that the forces of the Dark would fall at their feet that she hadn't even considered the possibility that things could go this fucking badly.

She never, not once, considered that he might get killed.

And now he was dead.

Severus Snape- her husband, her soulmate, the love of her life- was dead.

And it was all her fault.

Hermione pulled Severus into her arms and cried brokenly into the curve of his neck. He still smelled like he always did; the scent of old books, Darjeeling tea, and that rare brand of ink he used assaulted her senses and drove yet another spike into her shattered heart. She loved him. She loved him more than she had ever loved anyone, more than she knew it was possible to love another person. She had never cared that he was poor. She had never cared that he was not conventionally considered handsome. None of that mattered. He was her best friend since she was eleven and the moment he had chosen her back at Hogwarts, the moment he had admitted to the things she always hoped he'd felt, it was like the pieces of a puzzle falling into place. They were meant to be, it was a simple as that.

And now he was gone. Forever.

"Oooh, whassa matter, Mudblood? Did something happen to the big, bad Potions Master?"

She gripped Severus tighter.

The mad bitch, never one to be ignored, came skipping around to where she could crouch down in front of her, "I gotta say, death suits him. Looks much better than he ever did alive."

Hermione snatched her wand from the floor and pointed it directly between Bellatrix's cold, lifeless eyes.

"Whoopsie, looks like I hit a nerve," the dark witch cackled gleefully. "Look on the bright side Mudblood, at least now you won't have to suffer through spreading your legs for the ugly sod anymore!"

The Killing Curse was on the tip of her tongue. She certainly held enough pain and hatred in her heart at the moment to cast it without missing a beat. But even though she had just witnessed her soulmate being murdered, even though Bellatrix would likely kill her the moment she was done taunting her… Hermione's hand trembled around her wand.

She wasn't a murderer.

She couldn't do it.

She lowered her wand.

A lazy smile spread across Bellatrix's weathered face, "I always knew you didn't have it in you, Mudblood. Honor was always _so_ important to you lot."

Her wand clattered to the floor and she pulled Severus closer.

"The Dark Lord wants the most talented by his side," Bellatrix whispered, leaning closer. "He's willing to overlook your disgusting blood status because of the things you can do with Arithmancy. He has my wand, Lucius' money, and Fenrir's bloodlust. Come join us, Hermione. You won't even remember this ugly bat's name when it's all over."

Hermione' knuckles whitened with the strength of her hold on Severus. Her stomach roiled with the very suggestion that she could ever join Voldemort, that she could ever forget her soulmate whose words were etched into her arm. She looked up at Bellatrix, the witch who was once so beautiful but now had every year she was in Azkaban clearly engraved upon her face, and shook her head.

"Never."

The farcical kindness dropped away from Bellatrix's face like an ill-fitting mask as she rose to her full height and pointed her gnarled wand down at her, "Then we're done here."

Hermione didn't move. She simply tightened her grip on her husband's body and closed her eyes.

" _Avada Kedavra!_ "

And then, there was nothing.

x-x-x

When Hermione opened her eyes and saw the crisp, cloudless, cerulean sky above her, she scrambled to her feet with no small amount of surprise. She was certain that she was dead. Hadn't Bellatrix used the Killing Curse on her? Surely, she couldn't have missed. She had only been a few feet in front of her after all. No one had ever survived the Killing Curse, and certainly not at point-blank range.

No, she must be dead.

But then, where was she?

There was a slight rustling and she turned to see...

"Dad?"

The man before her did, indeed, look exactly like Richard Granger. But that was the rub: he and her mother were tucked away in an Order safe house in Austrailia- she had checked in on them only an hour before the battle. So what in all the Hells was going on?

"Ah, no I am not your father," the man said softly in her father's warm, congenial voice. "I simply thought this form would be most comforting to you and you might be more receptive to me this way."

"More…" Hermione frowned. "I'm sorry, I don't understand. I thought I was dead?"

"You are," he agreed. "But you do not have to be."

Her eyes widened.

"It is not often that I offer someone a second chance," he continued, moving closer to her. "But it would seem, however, that you are to be my second exception today."

She was dumbstruck. Was he trying to say that _he_ was… Death? _The_ Death?

The man grinned, "I sense your confusion, so allow me to make it a little simpler. Yes, I am Death and I have many, many names. You may call me whatever or think of me however you wish- whatever is easiest for you. Does that help?"

"I…" Hermione cleared her throat. "Yes."

"Now then, shall we get down to business?"

"W-wait," she stammered. "Did you… did you say that I'm the _second_ exception today?"

He nodded, "I did."

"Was it Severus? Was the other one my husband?"

The man, Death, sobered and he shook his head, "No. It was a young man by the name of Harry Potter. I believe you know him."

"Harry Potter?" He was one of her students- Lily and James' son. "And he's alright?"

Death nodded but did not speak again.

"Why Harry?" _Why not Severus?_ Her traitorous heart cried.

He seemed to know what she was truly asking and his expression softened, "Severus sacrificed himself for you and in doing so, he accepted his fate. Harry fought it."

Her heart twisted painfully in her chest and she wrung her hands for a moment, "You said… did you say I don't _have_ to be dead?"

"That's right."

"And… how does that work, exactly?"

The man who looked like her father surveyed her, "There is something about you, something pure, that I cannot touch yet. You were taken before your proper time and so, I am offering to send you back."

"Send me back where? To the Final Battle?"

He came to stand in front of her, completely stoic and unmoving once he reached his place. Her father's eyes looked down at her, "I cannot send you back there. That life is gone for you now. I can, however, send you somewhere else."

"Where?"

"To a different time, further back," he said. "You will still be yourself, with most of the same people, but there will be certain… changes. Changes that I have no control over. Should you choose to accept my offer, it is imperative that you understand that."

"Changes…" She could feel the panic threatening to grip her again at the single word. "Will I… will I still have Severus?"

For the first time, Death hesitated, "He will be there, but things will be different for you both."

She choked back the tears, the finality of the situation gripping her, "And if I choose not to return?"

Death smiled at her warmly with her father's face, "Then I will take you with me and you can be at peace."

Hermione's head was spinning. She was heartbroken over the loss of their life, but there was no way to go back to it. That life was, as Death said, over for her now. She could go with Death and allow her soul to rest in peace…

Or she could return to life, a different life, and find Severus again.

The choice was almost foolishly easy.

"I'd like to go back," she said softly.

"You are certain?" He asked. "Once you make the choice, I cannot undo it and I will not be able to offer this to you again. If you accept, the next time we see each other will be for me to take you home, for the Neverending Sleep."

Hermione straightened her back and looked into her father's eyes, "I'm certain. Please, send me back."

Death brushed a lock of almost violently curly hair from her eyes and smiled down at her affectionately, "Then I wish you well, Hermione."

Everything went white.


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter, not me or anyone else.**

 *****And so, we have a look at what the last 20 years of Hermione and Severus' life has been like since The Boy From the Eastside ended. This is very much a 20 year long flashback. Be kind to me please.*****

* * *

 _June, 1980_

Hermione was bouncing on her heels anxiously, far too keyed-up to sit and enjoy her Butterbeer like the rest of the Three Broomsticks' inhabitants. Renowned crackpot Sybil Trelawney had finished her interview with Headmaster Dumbledore— _Albus_ , she reminded herself. _He said to call him Albus_ —twenty minutes ago and now all she could do was wait for Severus to finish his interview. With all his talent and natural skill in Potions, Hermione had never been surprised that Severus had decided to try and become a professor. He was always complaining that the Potions textbooks were comically out-of-date and incorrect after all. He had debated on writing a new textbook himself for a while but it seemed that Hermione's choice to apply as Arithmancy professor at Hogwarts only one year into her two year Mastery program had cemented his decision and instead, he was applying for the now vacant Potions position.

She couldn't help but smile softly at that. Severus had blatantly refused to be separated from her during the school year for a second time. From the way he practically held her hostage in their bed that summer, you would think her first year of teaching in conjunction with finishing her Mastery had traumatized him.

Silly boy.

A few moments later, Severus came striding down the rickety stairs with a smug grin on his face. Hermione didn't even have to ask how it went when he grabbed her face and kissed her like she'd agreed to marry him all over again.

He got the job.

x-x-x

 _October 31, 1982_

She tried very hard not to blush, she really did, but it was rather difficult with the multitude of eyes that followed her as her father escorted her down the green and red rose-lined aisle at Gretna Green. Most of their Hogwarts professors were there, along with their friends and Hermione's rather large extended family. Much as she wanted to be angry that Severus' parents had not come, she found it hard to mind since they probably would have ruined the entire thing with magic or alcohol anyway. Considering that most of her family did not know that they were magical, Hermione and Severus had chosen to have a more muggle ceremony. Not that they had planned _any_ of it.

No, that had all been her mother.

They had been prepared to simply go to a muggle courthouse and to the Ministry of Magic in order to make their marriage official now that they had finally settled into their life at Hogwarts, but Jean Granger wouldn't hear of it. Severus was finally becoming a part of the family, she had said, so it was important that they did it right.

So here they were.

Hermione looked up to see Severus standing at the altar, his sharp obsidian eyes bright with unshed tears as he raked his gaze over her. The slight breeze pulled a few unruly curls from her elaborately crafted up-do to tickle at the high neck of her Victorian style, ridiculously expensive, satin and lace cream gown. When she reached him, he took her hands in his and flashed her favorite crooked smile. He had been worried that the formal muggle attire would look foolish on him, but Hermione had always known it wouldn't. The crisply tailored, black three-piece suit molded to him like a second skin and, while she knew she _should_ be thinking soppy, romantic thoughts, she was rather looking forward to tearing it off of him and…

She felt the sensual brush of him in her mind and she knew he was eavesdropping on her x-rated thoughts with Legilimency. The heat in his eyes confirmed it.

 _Oh yes_. She thought as the muggle-dressed Ministry official performed the subtle binding magic on them through their seemingly innocuous vows. _I will be having my wicked way with you before the night is through._

Severus smirked and ran the tip of his tongue lightly over his bottom lip. _Such a naughty girl._ His thoughts crooned in her mind. _What would your mother say if she knew the things you were thinking right now?_

Hermione bit her lip to hide her grin. _Probably the same thing she would say if she knew about the penchant you have for tying me up and demanding I call you 'sir' while you bend me over your desk and—_

"And now, the rings," the Ministry official said, breaking through her thoughts and making her blush furiously.

 _Easy, my little lioness_. Severus' thoughts chuckled as he slid the white-gold band onto her finger. _We still have a reception to get through and I am not entirely certain I'll be able to if you keep thinking such delicious things._

Hermione slid the matching ring onto his finger as she met his gaze again. _There's a broom closet near the kitchen… sir._

He leaned down to kiss her and seal their vows. _I'll meet you there, wife._

x-x-x

 _March, 1983_

Minerva Mcgonagall had ceased pacing and was now staring in open shock, "What exactly are you saying, Albus?"

"Yes," Severus said slowly, pulling Hermione against his side. "I'm afraid you will need to explain."

The Headmaster pulled his half-moon spectacles from his nose and sighed, "It would seem that our fears have finally become a reality. Tom has now amassed a large following that he calls 'Death Eaters' and he is preparing for war."

Hermione's voice was small, "What kind of war?"

Albus looked up, his eyes flicking between the three of them, "The kind where over half of the Wizarding world's population would be either decimated or enslaved. The kind where anyone other than purebloods would be seen as cattle."

Minerva brought a hand to cover her mouth. Severus' fingers flexed against Hermione's waist. Hermione tried not to vomit.

"What can we do?" Severus asked. "How can we help?"

The Headmaster replaced his glasses and stood, removing his wand and conjuring a silver patronus in the shape of a Phoenix that he spoke to, "Alastor, prepare the circle and the blade. We have two more." Once the corporeal Phoenix disappeared through the wall, he turned back to the younger professors, "I'm afraid it's time for you two to join the Order."

With a wave of his wand, Albus lowered the anti-apparition wards on his office for a brief moment and then, with four _CRACK!s_ that resounded like gunshots, they Apparated to the Order's headquarters.

x-x-x

 _August, 1983_

Hermione was leaning on the sink, fingers gripping the counter so hard her knuckles were white. How did they let this happen? How could they have been so grossly irresponsible?

But it didn't matter now. It was done.

She looked up at her reflection, her face stained with tears and eyes rimmed with red from the hours of crying. She knew she had to tell him. What other choice did she have? Come hell or high-water, they were in this together.

But how would he react?

She slumped to the floor, her arms wrapped tightly around her abdomen, and pressed her face against the cool porcelain of the bathtub. Her own emotions were warring inside of her; part of her, the soulmate part, was thrilled- after all it was exactly what she'd always wanted. But the other part of her, the practical part that was actively involved in a war, was terrified.

That was how Severus found her, three hours later, as she stared into space and ran her fingers absently over her soulmate tattoo.

He crouched down in front of her, his eyes wide with worry and his tone gentle, "Hermione? What are you doing on the floor, love?"

Hermione shoved something into his hand and when he looked down at the white, rectangular stick, his breath caught, "Does that… does that mean what I think it means?"

She barely even blinked, "I'm pregnant."

The pregnancy test went clattering to the floor as Severus gathered her into his arms and buried his face into the curve of her neck, " _Pregnant_ ," he breathed. "My wife is _pregnant_."

Hermione pushed him back, searching his eyes, "You aren't upset?"

He looked genuinely confused, "Upset? Why would I be?"

"We're in the middle of a war, Severus. A war that we both actively _fight_ in! How can we have a baby?"

His eyes hardened, "The Order can go to hell, Hermione. My family comes first."

She looked partly horrified and partly relieved, "We can't just abandon them, Severus."

He placed a large, slender hand against her stomach and rested his forehead against hers as he cupped her cheek, "Watch me."

x-x-x

 _November, 1983_

Thanks to her nose, she could tell before she even opened her eyes that she was in St. Mungo's. Apparently even in the Wizarding world, they were not immune to using disinfectant. Hermione's entire body felt like she had been hit by the Knight Bus so she tried not to move too much, but she did manage to pry her eyes open.

Her husband was by her side in an instant.

"Call for the Healers," he hissed to someone else in the room. By the flash of floral perfume that stirred in the air when the person moved, she assumed it was McGonagall. "Tell them she's awake."

"Severus?" Hermione managed, though her voice was hoarse and grating.

He brushed her hair back from her face as he gripped her bandaged hand, "Shhh, love. Try not to talk too much. You're alright now."

She desperately tried to remember what had led to her being in St. Mungo's but her brain was still curiously fuzzy. Considering the way her mouth tasted, it must be from all the potions she was doped up on. "What happened to me?"

Before he could answer, a young Healer came bustling into the room with his wand already waving diagnostic spells over her body. He was mumbling something to himself as he softly dictated notes to a Dicta-quill that hovered over a floating chart.

"How are you feeling, Mrs. Snape?" He asked once he was done.

She frowned, "Confused. I can't remember what happened."

"That would be the potions doing I'm afraid. I meant more along the lines of physically."

"I'm… rather sore," she admitted.

The Healer pushed a bright red pain potion into her hand and watched her drink it down before he spoke again, "The good news is- it doesn't look like there will be any lasting damage internally. Though I'd be lying if I said you won't have a nasty scar when this is all said and done."

"Internally?" Hermione frowned as the word tumbled around in her foggy head. Now that she was more coherent, she looked at her husband and saw that his expression was a curious mixture of pain, relief, and fury. His eyes were unusually bright and glossy, almost as if he wanted to cry…

But why would he…?

No. _No, no no_. Please, no.

Hermione looked down, shoving away the hospital linens and yanking up her medical gown. Her abdomen was tightly wrapped with white bandages that were moist with multicolored potions. She put her hand on her stomach, afraid to ask what she already knew.

Severus was immediately back at her side, on his knees beside her bed, pulling her into his chest, "I'm so sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking. "The curse hit you before I could move. I'm so sorry I didn't pull you out of the way in time. I'm so, so sorry Hermione."

Her hands were shaking, "Severus… please tell me that Alexander is alright."

At the name they had chosen for their son, Severus began to sob against her hair, "I wasn't quick enough, Hermione. I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me."

The Healer cleared his throat a little before setting another potion onto the bedside table, "If it's any consolation, Mrs. Snape, we were able to repair all of your damaged organs. You should have no problem bearing children in the future."

For the remainder of the night, Hermione and her husband clung to each other and mourned the loss of their son.

x-x-x

 _July, 1984_

"Are you certain, Severus?"

One thick, elegant eyebrow raised and Hermione had to stop her eyes from rolling. Was he really questioning her husband on this?

"I assure you, Headmaster, I am quite certain. Amateur as it may be, there is no mistaking it."

Albus frowned as he leaned forward in his chair to inspect the crystal decanter they had brought him, "Then it seems that we will need to become much more vigilant."

"I don't mean to interrupt, Albus," Hermione interjected, stepping forward a little. "But why would anyone want to poison Severus? It doesn't make sense."

There was only a tense silence as he slowly lifted his eyes and looked between her and her husband.

"Albus?" She repeated, thoroughly confused.

This time, his eyes turned to Severus, "Did you not tell her?"

Hermione whipped her head to glare at her husband, eyes narrowed, "Tell me what?"

Severus stance was rigid and his jaw was clenched. His hands bunched into fists as he glared at the Headmaster, "I did not," he hissed through his teeth.

"Severus," she growled, "what are you hiding? What didn't you tell me?"

He let out a long breath before pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers, "It may have been brought to my attention that Lord Voldemort was interested in my… talents."

Hermione felt like the world had been yanked out from underneath her, "It may have been? _It may have been_?!" She screeched, punching his shoulder as hard as she could. "He tried to _recruit_ you and you didn't _tell me_?! What the hell, Severus?!"

"I was never going to accept so I didn't want to worry you!" He shouted right back, his face reddening. "Fuck me for trying to spare you the anxiety!"

Her cinnamon eyes were huge, " _Spare me the anxiety_? Are you out of your _mind_?! You rejected an offer from Voldemort, Severus! What the hell did you think was going to happen? Did you really think they were just going to let it go?!"

Her husband had the decency to look slightly abashed and he grabbed her hand, his voice soft, "After what happened to Alexander, I just… I didn't want to give you any more reasons to go after them."

Hermione felt her anger fizzle away. How did she possibly deserve this man? Thank all the Gods someone out there had chosen to make them soulmates. She wrapped her arms around his waist in a tight embrace, "Please tell me this was the first attempt."

The Headmaster answered, "It was the first, but it will not be the last."

They both turned to him.

"This," Albus lifted the crystal decanter, "can only mean that they are not through with you, Severus. We will need to be much, much more cautious with you from now on."

"I won't leave Hermione to fight in the field alone," he growled, gripping her tighter. "She's my Order partner as well as my wife, you know that."

The Headmaster lifted his hands in surrender, "I understand, Severus. I'm not suggesting removing you from fighting altogether. We will simply have to be more strategic about which fights you and Hermione take on."

Severus nodded but Hermione simply buried her face into his frock coat.

Perhaps Severus had the right idea before. Perhaps they should just tell the Order to go to hell.

x-x-x

 _January, 1985_

"Severus, look out!"

Hermione wasn't fast enough to cast a shield charm on him before the slicing curse cut across his throat. Her husband fell the ground, his hands clutching desperately at the torn flesh of his neck as blood poured generously from the wound. She threw an Entrail-Expelling curse over her shoulder, not caring where or if it landed on her target, as she dropped to her knees and began casting every healing charm she knew on his neck. Severus' skin was growing chalkier as she healed him but she never slowed. Hermione vaguely registered the _CRACK!_ of Apparition somewhere nearby but she ignored it. Let the Death Eater get away for now.

She would get them for this eventually. Right now, her husband needed her.

Thankful that she'd had the foresight to carry a few extra bottles of Dittany and Blood-Replenishing potion during their missions, she poured the first over his neck and the second down his throat. Within a few minutes, the color—what little he had of it anyway—was returning to his face and his pulse was growing stronger.

Once she was certain he would recover, Hermione slumped onto the grass, her forehead beaded with sweat and cheeks smeared with blood. He sat up beside her, rubbing the Dittany into the skin of his throat gently.

"Thank you," he said softly.

"We shouldn't have come here," she replied, eyes slipping closed in exhaustion. "They were clearly waiting for us—waiting for _you_."

Alastor Moody came clunking out of the house in front of them, three blood-crusted wands in his gnarled hands, "House is clear- other than the Death Eaters I killed. No kids in sight."

Hermione sighed; so it was as she had suspected all along. It had been a trap. They had never kidnapped any children at all.

"We couldn't have known," Severus whispered, his voice hoarse as he put hand over hers. "They laid a convincing trail- you saw it for yourself."

A few tears slipped from behind her closed lids, "They almost killed you, Severus."

"But they didn't," he wiped her tears with his calloused fingers. "You made sure of that."

She let out a humorless laugh, "Why does that seem like my new job lately?"

He had nothing to say to that.

x-x-x

 _June, 1987_

"This is the third fucking time! Can't you see that these missions are going to kill him?!"

Albus sighed, "Please, Hermione, I understand. I do. But we've lost so many Order members already and we need everyone in the field that we can get. With Tom ramping up his recruitment of Death Eaters—"

Hermione growled, stepping away from the hospital bed where her husband was being held in a potion-induced coma so his body could heal the vast amounts of trauma it had sustained in their last mission, "And what about _him_? What about your promise to be more cautious with him and the missions chosen for us? What the hell happened to that?"

The Headmaster put his hands on Hermione's shoulders, "I know that you love him, Hermione. But I need you to understand that this is bigger than all of us. We must consider—"

"I swear to Merlin if you say 'the Greater Good' I will hex you myself!"

The older wizard let his hands drop to his sides.

"Now you listen and listen well, Albus," Hermione snarled, advancing on the Headmaster with fire in her eyes. "I don't give a shit about the Order, or the Greater Good, or whatever other bullshit you want to use to try and justify your disregard for human life. That man?" She pointed towards the bed. "The one that took 27 hours and twelve of the best Healers to save? He is the only thing I care about now. If you are going to insist on continuing to send us into these ridiculously dangerous missions, then I swear on everything I love, we will pack our quarters and _leave_. Do you really think we haven't already discussed it? That we didn't start discussing it back when I found out I was pregnant? Now, I will have your _word_ that you're done sending us into these traps where they keep trying to kill my husband or as soon as he wakes up, we will disappear."

Her boss, a man she had come to love and respect as if he was a part of her own family, considered her for a moment. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft and his eyes were softer, "Alright, Hermione. You have my word."

They shook hands in silence before he turned to leave. It wasn't until he reached the door that she heard him chuckle quietly, "Heaven help anyone who raises their wand at your husband."

Once they were alone again, Hermione sagged against the hospital bed where her husband lay, her face buried in her hands. She let the tears fall for a while before curling up next to Severus in the tiny bed. "Why didn't we get the hell out of here the first time you suggested it?" She whispered, picking aimlessly at the cloth of his hospital gown. "My job as your life-saver is starting to get a bit taxing, you know."

Hermione fell asleep to the sound of his deep, even breathing.

x-x-x

 _May, 1989_

Albus stood in the large library of the Order's headquarters, arms clasped calmly behind his back as he waited for the last of the members to file into the room. Hermione sidled in behind Severus, fingers entwined with his as he pulled her to the very back of the crowd.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice," the Headmaster smiled warmly. "I know you are all terribly busy with the approaching summer so I promise to make this quick. I just wanted to remind each of you to approach the coming months with caution. I, too, have heard the rumors about Tom going into hiding after our successful raid of Malfoy Manor, but I cannot be certain how true these rumors really are. It would be wise to proceed with caution no matter where you go."

Nymphadora Tonks moved towards the front of the room, her hair a vibrant shade of vermillion, "But Albus, we captured most of the Death Eaters that were there that night. His Inner Circle has all but been locked in Azkaban and even some of his second-string Death Eaters were thrown in there too. That doesn't leave much to worry about."

Sirius Black spoke up then, "She's right, Al. Any Death Eaters that are left probably have never cast an Unforgivable in their life. I can't imagine those sycophants would be a match for any of us."

There was a collective murmur of agreement that rippled through the room.

Hermione and Severus simply rolled their eyes at each other. They knew better.

Albus held up a hand to silence everyone, "While those remaining may not be as powerful as those we have apprehended, it would be foolish to underestimate them. Tom is their leader for a reason- he is charismatic and adept at manipulation. I have no doubt that even if he did leave his remaining troops without the skills to fight, he did not leave a few traps behind. So please, everyone be careful and keep your eyes out for anything unusual. It will not be safe to let our guards down until we know that Tom is truly gone."

"CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" Moody shouted from somewhere near the window.

The Headmaster simply nodded in agreement before dismissing them.

x-x-x

 _September, 1993_

"Severus! Severus! Severus!" Hermione came barreling into his classroom, the heavy wooden door banging loudly against the stone wall behind it as she threw it open.

He looked up from the marking he was doing, one eyebrow quirked and a smirk on his lips, "Well, hello my love. You have impeccable timing as always- two minutes sooner and you would have bowled right over my first-year students."

She waved her wand to close, lock, and ward the door to his class and darted over to his desk, sweeping everything onto the floor with a flourish of her arm.

He sat back in his large chair, dark eyes already clouding with lust, "What's the occasion, dear wife? Surely you don't intend for me to fuck you on my desk only thirteen minutes before my next class arrives?"

Hermione climbed onto the desk and pulled him against her mouth hungrily. With a flick of her fingers, they were both completely naked, "That is _exactly_ what I intend, dear husband."

Exactly nine minutes later, after pounding her rather furiously into the desk and bruising them both in the process, they were _Scourgify_ ing themselves and replacing their clothing.

"Not that I'm complaining," Severus purred as he came up behind her, slipping his fingers up her bare thigh and under her skirt to graze the damp part of her knickers, "but what exactly was that for?"

Hermione let out a harsh breath at his touch, "If you don't stop that, I'll be forced to take _you_ on the desk- next class be damned."

He chuckled but moved his hand to her hip as he waved his other to smooth the wrinkles from her clothing, "Spoilsport. Now, are you going to tell me why you came barging into my classroom only to accost me only minutes before I'm supposed to be teaching about Amortentia?"

She whipped around so she could look at him, a bright smile on her lips, "I wanted to be the first to tell you. You know that Arithmancy research I've been working on?"

"Which one?"

Hermione rolled her eyes, "The one that turns Potions Masters into bats. Which one do you think? The one that's occupied our entire sitting room for the past two years!"

Severus nodded, "Ah, now I do. The equation that would render Dark Magic ineffective on the target. Go on."

She bounced up and down with excitement, "It's going to be published! Can you believe it? My first real contribution to the field!"

"My brilliant little lioness," he crooned, gently stroking her cheeks. "I am so proud of you. Perhaps we should… _celebrate_?"

A delicious shiver danced up her spine at his insinuation, "After dinner tonight?"

His smile was almost predatory, "Sounds like a date. Shall I bring the oils?"

Hermione bit her lip and nodded, turning back only once she'd reached the classroom door, "And I'll bring the handcuffs… _sir_."

He groaned.

x-x-x

 _June, 1994_

Hermione was pacing anxiously in front of their fireplace when Severus came storming in, eyes blazing and mouth set in a deep frown.

They both spoke simultaneously.

"We need to talk."

"We need to talk."

They did that sometimes, speaking the same thing at the same time, and it usually made them chuckle. Not this time. This time, they simply stared at each other.

Hermione cleared her throat, wiping her clammy hands on her robes, "Go ahead. What is it?"

Her husband hesitated for a moment before letting out a deep sigh, "Albus just caught me in the hall. An emergency Order meeting has been called and we have to be there."

A wave of icy fear washed over her, "Why did he call the meeting?"

His words were like a punch to the gut, "Voldemort is back."

Hermione slumped onto the couch, eyes wide with horror. Severus came to sit beside her, his arm snaking around her shoulders and pulling her into him. He pressed his lips to her hair, "It's alright, love. We made it through this before, we can do it again."

Hermione didn't respond- she couldn't. She was in shock.

"What did you need to talk about, Hermione?" He asked gently, turning her face so he could look at her. When he realized something was seriously wrong, his expression grew alarmed. "Hermione? What is it?"

The words tasted like acid, "I missed my period. I wanted you to cast the spell instead of doing it the muggle way this time."

Severus eyes widened, "You mean, you might be…?"

She just nodded.

He knelt on the floor in front of her and took out his wand. Before he could say the words, Hermione put her hand over his. He looked up.

"If it's… if I _am_ …" She tightened her grip on him. "Then we pack up and leave. Tonight. Agreed?"

Severus eyes were soft as he pressed his lips to hers, "Agreed."

It was a tense few seconds after he cast the spell on her abdomen, but when it glowed a bright red, they both sagged a little.

"Fuck. _Fuck_ ," she breathed, resting her face in her hands. "I wanted it to be… so bad."

Her husband pulled her into his arms and kissed her temple, "I did too, love. But I guess that just means I'll have to try harder."

She snorted, wiping her eyes, "I was under the impression you were trying pretty hard to knock me up as it was."

He chuckled a little, "I was. But I'll just have to double down on my efforts."

"And when it finally happens?"

His answer was concise, "We leave."

Hermione sighed in relief, "We leave."

x-x-x

 _February, 1995_

Hermione stamped her foot in frustration, "This was not part of the deal!"

The Headmaster steepled his fingers below his chin, "What would have me do, Hermione? Remove you both? You are far too good a fighter for me to be able to justify that."

"I don't give a shit what you have to justify! _You promised me!_ "

"And I am keeping my promise," Albus replied calmly. "You asked me to keep Severus away from the dangerous missions where he may be injured or killed and I am doing exactly as you asked."

"I didn't mean for you to split us up! We've always been partners!"

"My dear, I assure you that the work I will have him doing is miles safer than anything you'll be assigned."

"Oh great, that makes me feel so much better."

He sighed, "I know this is frustrating, Hermione, but I cannot take you from the fighting. You're too skilled and we need you. You, James, Lily, Sirius, Lupin, Moody, and Tonks are the most ferocious fighters I have. Of course, Severus is fierce as well but you have taken him from the equation. The rest in the Order have skills better suited to other areas. What choice do I have but to separate you two for your missions? We need you on the battlefield, Hermione."

She sagged in her chair, defeated, "Shit. There's no changing your mind, is there?"

Albus gave her a sympathetic look, "We both know your skills would be wasted on recon work. Severus' skills will be, too, but I am willing to overlook that to keep my word to you."

"Fine," Hermione relented, pushing herself to her feet. "But I will only agree to this under one condition."

"Name it."

She turned back to the wizard just as she was about to step through the door, "You have to be the one to tell Severus."

x-x-x

 _December, 1995_

"This is complete bullshit," Severus snapped, flopping rather gracelessly onto their couch in front of the fire. "I can't believe you're all going along with this fucking farce."

Hermione slid onto the couch next to him, "At least there isn't someone trying to murder you every time you go on a mission anymore."

"You think that makes it better?" He growled, wrenching his arm away from her grasp. "You think I like sitting around behind trees and shrubs, Disillusioned, watching 'enemy hideouts' with omnioculars for hours on end? While you are out fighting for your life with only those dunderheads to protect you?"

"Severus…"

"No! This is ridiculous and I have had enough of Albus' shit," he pushed himself up from the couch and stalked towards the fireplace. "I'm going to put an end to this right now."

Hermione only just managed to snatch the pot of Floo powder from his hand before he grabbed any, "Severus, please. Just wait a second so we can talk about this."

He tried to grab the pot back from her and snarled when she moved out of his reach, "What is there to talk about? I'm a better dueler with more spell knowledge than almost everyone else he keeps sending you on missions with. So why the fuck am I being sidelined here? I'm going to Headmaster's office right now to tell him just where exactly he can shove his fucking strategies—"

Before he could take the pot from her, she smashed it on the stone floor.

Severus' brows pulling down in confusion, "Hermione, what the hell—"

"It was me!" She gasped. "I was the one who asked him to take you out."

His voice was deadly as it sliced through the air, "You _what_?"

The words came out in a rush, "It was the last time you were hurt, when the Healers had to put you into the coma. You almost _died_ , Severus, and not for the first time! It took them 27 hours and twelve Healers to fix what happened to you that night. You almost didn't make it. They said your heart gave out a few times and it was only the strength of their combined magic that kept bringing you back. The Death Eaters that ambushed us almost killed you, Severus. They did so much damage that I could hardly recognize you! All the time that the Healers were working on you, I just kept thinking that I had finally lost you, and I couldn't bear it. I couldn't bear to think of a world where you don't exist, where you aren't there to tell me you love me, or terrorize your students, or fuck me senseless. I wasn't ready to let you go!"

He simply stared at her.

"Albus was there with me, in your hospital room, when they finally brought you back in the coma. I just… I told him I couldn't let him send you out on missions like that anymore. I told him if he did, that we would leave and he'd never find us. So he agreed."

He still did not respond.

"I tried to get him to send me on recon missions with you, Severus. I promise I did. But he wouldn't hear it. He said he could justify taking one of us out of the fighting, but not both."

"And you chose me," he said coldly.

"Of course I did! You're the one the Death Eaters have orders to kill, not me. You're the one who almost died more than once. Why wouldn't I—"

"I deserve every single attempt the Death Eaters make on my life," he said quietly. "I do not deserve to be pushed to a cushy corner of the Order where harm cannot come to me."

She recoiled as if he slapped her, "Severus, what on earth are you talking about?"

He spun on his heel and smashed the mirror that hung on the wall with his fist, glass shattering around his hand and scattering to the floor.

"Severus! What the hell—"

He held out his other arm to keep her from coming near and she could see that it was trembling, "It's my fault. I deserve it all."

The pain in his voice brought tears to her eyes, "Severus, _what are you talking about_?"

He slumped against the wall and slid down until he hit the floor, completely oblivious to the blood pouring from his injured fist, "I didn't pull you out of the way in time. Travers hit you with that curse because _I was too slow_ and our son… we lost our son…" The rest of his words were lost between his sobs.

Hermione felt her heart break. How could ever think it was his fault? How could he blame himself? She quickly Vanished the glass on the floor and knelt in front of him, pulling him into her chest and rocking him gently. Her voice was thick and tears were already dripping from her eyes onto his hair, "Never, ever blame yourself for that, Severus. I knew the risks and I went anyway. Please, _please_ don't blame yourself, my love. I couldn't bear it."

He gripped her like she was the last life-raft in an open ocean and whimpered when it hurt his injured hand.

She pulled back and took his bloody hand in hers, "Let me heal this, Severus. Please."

He nodded gently.

Once his bones were reset and the skin was knitted back together, Hermione clutched his face and forced him to look at her, "It was not your fault, Severus. Do you understand me? If you want to blame someone, blame Travers for cursing me. But please, don't torture yourself by thinking it was you."

He tried to look away but she held his face tighter.

"We will have children, my love. We _will_. I will give you as many as you want. Even if I have to take on Voldemort and his army myself, I _will_ give you children. Do you hear me?"

Severus managed a small nod.

"I know this is horrible and we've had to put our lives on hold for this war, but we will get through it together. I just need you to be strong for a little while longer, alright? I need you to keep it together until we kill that evil bastard and then, when it's all over, we can grieve over Alexander and have other children that would have undoubtedly loved him. And we will tell them all about the things we knew about him to preserve his memory. Can we do that?"

He buried his face in her chest and she felt the tears soaking through her shirt, "Anything for you, Hermione. _Anything_. I love you."

She stroked his hair, "And I love you, Severus. Always."

x-x-x

 _May, 1998_

"So… this is it."

Severus came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, "Looks like it."

She turned, winding her arms around his neck, "And there's nothing I could say to make you stay and hide in the dungeons where it's perfectly safe?"

He chuckled, "While you'll be out there battling Death Eaters to determine the fate of the world? Sorry, I don't think so."

Hermione sighed, "Ah well, worth a shot."

He pressed his lips gently to hers when the Floo came roaring to life.

"Severus, Hermione," the Headmaster's voice came through the emerald green flames. "It's time. Tom and his army are here and the children have been evacuated."

They looked at each other for a moment, obsidian and cinnamon, before Severus turned to the fireplace, "Where should we meet you, Headmaster?"

"Just in front of the Great Hall. I have a feeling we will need to head off the first wave at the front doors."

Hermione was the one who replied this time, "We will be there momentarily, Albus."

The green flames died away.

Severus entwined their fingers as he slipped his wand into his pocket and then slipped hers into her free hand, "Where you go, I go?"

Hermione nodded, "Where you go, I go."

The wards on their chambers shimmered and fell away as they stepped into the Potions classroom, perhaps for the last time.


	3. Chapter 3

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: You all know the drill by now. J.K. Rowling is the sole owner of all things Harry Potter.**

 *****And now- Severus and Hermione meet again. Please note that in this chapter, all memories that he sees are from my previous work, The Boy From the Eastside.*****

* * *

At first, she thought she was still dead- that Death had changed his mind and decided not to send her back after all.

Then she realized it was just dark.

Hermione forced herself into a sitting position on the hard, uncomfortable floor, fumbling around inside her heavy robes for her wand. When she felt the intricate vinewood handle, she slid it from the fabric and murmured, " _Lumos_."

She recognized where she was immediately.

How many times had Severus made love to her on that desk? How many times had she shoved him up against those bookshelves in her haste to rip off his clothes, almost knocking everything to the floor in the process? How many times had they kissed goodbye at that fireplace?

More than she could ever recount.

Hermione stood, flicking her wand to dispel the _Lumos_ and light the sconces on the walls instead. Their Cokeworth home looked exactly the way she remembered it from the last time they'd been here. All the same bookshelves lined the walls, all the same paintings hung undisturbed, all the same books and notebooks sat on the shelves. His favorite quill, the ridiculously lush, expensive one she had gifted him for his last birthday still sat on the corner of his desk next to his very specific, very rare brand of ink.

She ran her fingers along the worn wood of his desk, dipping into every groove and every nick she remembered. They were all still there. It was almost as if nothing had changed at all.

It was almost as if she were… dreaming.

That thought quickly took root in her mind. Of _course_ she was dreaming. Or, perhaps the death-equivalent of dreaming, anyway. There was no way that everything was exactly the same like this. No, Death had changed his mind and was comforting her with this dream. Perhaps he was trying to ease her into the afterlife? Trying to make it less painful for her to accept?

Yes, yes surely that was it.

The front door to their home slammed open violently then, bouncing against the wall behind it.

And there he was.

Whole, alive, breathing… _well_.

Her heart twisted painfully in her chest.

"What is the meaning of this?" Severus snarled, expression fierce in the dim candlelight as he pointed his wand at her face. "How did you get in here?"

In retrospect, she probably should have taken his Occluded eyes and sharp sneer as a sign but she was just so relieved to see that was alive, Hermione launched herself at him, peppering his sharp face with kisses.

"I…" _Kiss._ "Can't…" _Kiss_. "Believe…" _Kiss._ "You're…" _Kiss._ "Really…" _Kiss._ "Here…" _Kiss. Kiss. Kiss._ "Thank…" _Kiss._ "The fucking…" _Kiss._ "Gods…" _Kiss_.

Hermione should have known something was wrong. She should have known by the way he tensed when she touched him, the way his eyes widened to saucers, the way he seemed to not be breathing.

She should have known a dream of her husband would be much more pleasant.

But she was too happy that he was alive, that he was here with her again, to notice or care.

That is- until he roughly shoved her away, sending her sprawling across the floor at his feet.

"Miss Granger!" He roared, face nearly purpling with shock and indignation. "Have you taken leave of your senses?! Have you been _Imperius_ 'd?! Or has all that self-righteous textbook memorization finally sent you to the mad house?!"

She simply stared up at him in confusion.

He advanced on her, slamming and warding the door behind him with a flick of his wand, "Now I want to know how you broke into my home and I want to know _now_."

"Your…?" Hermione's brain seemed to be scrambled. "Severus, what are you talking about?"

"The wards should have killed you," he snarled. "How did you break them?"

She looked around the front room, still utterly confused. Everything was exactly as she remembered it. Hermione turned back to him, "Severus, we live here. The wards have always allowed me in."

Severus grabbed her bicep and roughly yanked her to her feet, "I may not be your professor anymore, you insufferable little chit, but you will show respect and address me properly in my own home. Now _tell me how you broke in_."

Her eyes widened and panic gripped her chest, "My… my professor?"

His eyes narrowed, "Potter sent you, didn't he? What did he intend for you to do- fuck me out of information?"

"Potter?" Hermione thought back for a second. "You mean James? Why would he—"

Severus shoved her away again and raised his wand to her face, "I have had _enough_ of whatever game it is you're attempting to play. _Legilimens!_ "

She almost wanted to laugh. He thought he could use forceful Legilimency against her? Perhaps that might have been possible, had Severus himself not been the one to practice on her for years and then teach her Occlumency as well. Hermione felt him slam up against her mental walls, over and over, before snarling in her mind and breaking the connection.

"Where did you learn that?" He growled, stalking forward until his wand pressed into her chest. "How did you keep me out?"

Hermione reached up to wrap her fingers around his wand, never breaking eye contact with him, "I will let you in and I will answer all of your questions but first… will you please answer some of mine? It seems I'm… confused."

Severus lowered his wand but his eyes were still narrowed in suspicion.

She took a moment to gather her thoughts before taking a deep breath, "What year is it?"

His brow lifted but he answered, "1997."

Her hands began to shake, "And how old are we?"

"I don't have time for such ridiculous—"

"Please," Hermione pleaded, pulse racing, "just tell me. How old are we?"

He paused, frowning, "By my estimation, you will be turning eighteen next month."

Nausea roiled in her gut, "And you?"

"I hardly think—"

"HOW OLD ARE YOU?!" She roared, tears stinging her eyes.

He grit his teeth, "I am thirty-seven."

Her next breath came out as a shaky gasp as she slowly backed away from him until the backs of knees hit the couch and she collapsed onto it. Her hands were trembling as she brought them to her mouth to stifle her hysterics. It hit her like the Knight Bus then.

This was not a dream.

This was real.

Though it seemed to pain him to do so, Severus came around and sat in the armchair that they kept next to the couch and lit a fire in the hearth with his wand before turning back to her, "I answered your foolish questions, Miss Granger, now—"

"Do you have a tattoo?" She managed from between sobs. When he didn't answer, she looked up to see him glaring at her. "Do you?"

"You know I do," he growled.

Her heart seemed to trip over itself, hope swelling in her chest, "Show me."

It looked like he wanted to argue but then thought better of it as he slowly unbuttoned the left sleeve of his frock coat and rolled the fabric up to his elbow.

She recoiled in horror.

"You're a Death Eater…" Hermione choked, catching his wary gaze. "But… but that can't be. You would _never_ … you rejected his offer! You would have _never_ done that to us!"

His voice was sharp as ice, "Do not presume to know me, Miss Granger. I willingly took the mark when I was eighteen years old. There was never an offer to reject- _I_ sought _him_ out."

"This can't be happening," she gasped, gripping the edge of the couch until her knuckles were white. "He must have made a mistake. He couldn't have meant to send me here."

He practically rocketed to his feet, palming his wand again, " _Who_ sent you, Miss Granger?"

She let out a humorless laugh, one more filled with anguish than anything else, "Death."

Severus stepped forward, presumably to grab her again but stopped with a sharp hiss and he gripped his forearm, "Fuck."

Hermione slumped forward, burying her face in her hands as the tears fell freely, "You're being summoned. Go," she choked. "I'll be here when you get back."

She felt the air stir around her as he presumably donned his Death Eater gear. There was only the clack of his boots on the hardwood for a brief moment until he spoke from behind her, "I am resetting the wards on this house. If you attempt to leave, they _will_ kill you. We will discuss this further when I return and you will give me some answers whether you want to or not."

And then, he was gone.

Hermione wept like her husband died all over again.

She never should have come back.

Well… Death had tried to warn her.

x-x-x

When he returned, Hermione was in exactly the same position on the couch as before. The only difference was that she now stared blankly into the fire.

She could hear him stowing away his velvet cloak and silver mask before coming back to the armchair he always favored. He sat, summoning his grandmother's tea service to the coffee table that they had chosen together.

"How do you take your tea?"

Hermione's face crumpled and the tears started slipping again. He hadn't ever needed to ask her that- not since he started coming home with her when she was eleven years old.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably, shifting on the chair, "I… didn't mean to—"

She shook her head, "It's not your fault."

It was quiet for a moment, "I must admit, I do not know what to make of this," he admitted. "After the summoning concluded, I took it upon myself to make a stop in the Forest of Dean. Do you know what I found?"

"I can't even imagine."

"I found you, Harry Potter, and Ron Weasley exactly where I expected you all to be- huddled in that tiny tent with the locket around Potter's neck. The wards on this house have not been breached in my absence tonight, so would you care to tell me how it is possible that you're existing in two places at once?"

Her teary gaze never shifted from the fire, "It's possible because I'm not supposed to exist here."

His words were sharp, "Explain."

"I died," she said softly, "and… it may have been selfish but I wasn't ready to let you go."

"And, assuming I believe such nonsense, why would I have any bearing on your decision?"

Finally, Hermione turned her face to look at him, "Because you were my everything and I wasn't ready for our life to be over."

Severus recoiled in horror, "I have _never_ , in all my years of teaching, acted inappropriately with a student!"

Her eyes slipped back to the fire, "I wasn't your student. Where I come from, we were the same age."

For a very long time, there was only the ticking of the clock above the mantle that filled the silence.

"Before, you said that 'we' live here."

"You bought this house for us."

He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, "And I did that because…?"

A few more tears dripped onto her lap though she didn't even blink, "Because you wanted us to have a home where we could be together, even if our apprenticeships kept us busy."

 _Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._ "So we were together," he surmised.

"You could say that."

Severus ran a hand through his hair, "Perhaps you should start from the beginning."

"I can't," she whispered, eyes slipping shut briefly before opening to find him staring at her. "I can't sit here and recount everything we've been through together since we were kids. I just… I can't."

"Can't or won't?" He asked, clearly annoyed at her reticence.

Hermione reached for his hand before quickly pulling it back, "I want to tell you, Severus. I want you to know what our life was like. But I just…" She wrapped her arms around herself to keep from physically falling apart. "My husband, my soulmate, the _father of my son_ is sitting here, staring at me like he doesn't know who I am and I just… I can't do it. I know you probably think I'm weak but I can't do this. I never should have let him send me here; I should have just died with the knowledge that you loved me and… and…"

The remainder of her words were lost as she began to sob again but Severus simply stared in shock, "We… had a son?"

She shook her head, "I was four months pregnant when Travers hit me in the stomach with a curse and we… we lost him…"

Severus fell back in his chair, "Merlin. Miss Granger… I am so—"

"Don't. Please. Just don't."

It was quiet for a very, very long time with only the sound of his teacup being refilled between them.

He eventually came to sit beside her on the couch, "Miss Granger… Hermione, this is quite a bit to take in. Perhaps if you could just show me one memory, just one, I might be able to wrap my head around this situation a bit better. As it stands, with only your word to go on, I don't even know where to begin. You must understand how all of this sounds."

Hermione turned to him, her voice soft, "I will try to show you what I can."

Severus nodded in agreement, removing his wand from his pocket and staring deep into her bright, cinnamon eyes. When he said the spell, it was like a caress against her bleeding soul, " _Legilimens_."

x-x-x

His obsidian eyes opened in her mind and she began sifting through memories, pushing whatever she could stand to the surface for him to view.

 _The oddly dressed boy didn't really make eye contact when he spoke and she could tell that he was uncomfortable with being so close, "I'm Severus Snape."_

 _She stuck out her hand in greeting, "Hermione Granger. Pleased to meet you, Severus."_

 _His young eyes flashed with something for a moment before he gave a small grin and shook her hand._

 _When they made contact, the flesh on her inner forearm burned white-hot for a brief moment before it dissipated. Hermione waited until he looked towards the oily river to glance down at her left arm. Right there, inscribed in perfect, spiky calligraphy was one word in stark black._

' _Friends'_ _._

 _A soulmate tattoo._

The memory swirled into a silvery mist.

 _Severus was practically bouncing on his heels, "I have them!_ _I have them!_ _"_

 _"What are you talking about?" She asked. "You have what?"_

 _"Words!" He wound his fingers through hers and tugged insistently. "Isn't that amazing? I have a soulmate and I've_ _met_ _them!"_

The memory dissolved.

 _"New book?" Lily asked, falling back on her bedspread._

 _Hermione barely looked up from the text, "Severus gave it to me for Christmas."_

 _The other girl sat up, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively, "Oooh, exchanging gifts?"_

 _Hermione's heart twisted, "It's… it's not like that," she mumbled._

 _"But you_ _want_ _it to be," the other girl teased._

The memory shifted.

 _"We should go swimming," fourteen year old Severus said one particularly unbearable summer afternoon. "This heat is murder."_

 _Her eyebrows lifted, though the idea of seeing him shirtless did have merit, "And where would you propose we do that?"_

 _He motioned towards the disgusting river._

 _"You're joking."_

 _"I am too hot to give a shit, quite honestly."_

 _"Severus," she admonished. "There is every possibility we could get dysentery or something from that water. Have you_ _looked_ _at it?"_

 _He shrugged and made to remove his shirt._

 _She grabbed his arm, her cheeks flushed with something entirely different than the summer heat, "Severus, be serious. You'll get sick."_

 _"Then you'll just have to nurse me back to health," he yanked his shirt over his head and threw it to the ground. "Isn't that what friends are for?"_

 _Hermione caught her breath when he turned to her. He was pale and ethereal, almost luminescent under the sun, and there was a dark trail of hair that led from his naval below the line of his trousers. All the blood promptly rushed to her face._

 _Merlin, have mercy._

 _"Coming?"_

 _His hand was held out expectantly for her but just as she went to grab it, the world seemed to give way beneath her._

 _His words._

 _Tiny, familiar cursive etched into the skin of his right hip._

 _'Severus'_ _was tattooed in his flesh in Hermione's perfect, symmetrical script._

 _He wore her words._

 _And yet he wanted Lily._

 _Hermione felt sick._

The memory bled away.

 _They were absolutely pissed._

 _Completely, unabashedly drunk off their arses._

 _What a way to celebrate turning fifteen._

 _Hermione giggled uncontrollably as she fell back against him and he held the glass bottle above her mouth. Even for being totally drunk he had perfect aim._

 _"I feel like a goddess," she proclaimed as she licked the drops of whiskey from her lips. "Or perhaps a queen, with a servant dutifully pouring wine down my throat."_

 _He tumbled backwards against the grass as he downed another gulp of the amber liquid, "Queen Hermione… yeah, I can see it."_

 _She tried to smack his shoulder but she missed and flopped uselessly beside him, "What's that s'posed to mean?"_

 _He tried to hand her the bottle again but she missed rather spectacularly as the sky spun above her so he just drank again, "You're pretty enough to be a queen."_

 _Her head was spinning but she turned it to look at him anyway, "You think I'm pretty?"_

 _His words were slightly garbled but he managed, "I'm not blind."_

 _Hermione sighed, fingering her arm gently, "I like that you think I'm pretty."_

 _"Why?" He asked, confused._

 _"'Cuz I love you," she slurred, tilting her head towards his._

The memory changed.

 _"Merlin's fucking balls, Hermione," he breathed, his eyes raking over her Yule ball gown. "You look beautiful."_

 _She blushed a little and cleared her throat when she saw Lily's sly smirk a few feet ahead of them, "Thank you, Severus."_

 _"I had no idea you could look so…" He stammered and his cheeks went pink. "No, wait… I don't mean that you're not_ _pretty_ _, but I just…"_

 _Hermione smiled sweetly up at him, "Severus?"_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"Shut up before I punch you."_

The memory drifted away like smoke.

 _They stood in the water, the warm breeze caressing her skin._

 _"Whose words do you wear?" He asked quietly, not shifting his gaze from the moon. "We tell each other everything yet you won't tell me that."_

 _Hermione felt like her heart had rocketed into her throat, "Please just leave it alone, Severus._ _Please_ _."_

 _He looked down at her and she was struck, once again, by how beautiful he was like this._

 _"What if…" He touched her face tentatively. "What if I don't want you to wear someone's words?"_

 _"It doesn't work that way," she whispered, afraid to break the moment. "You know that."_

 _Severus bent down and brushed his lips across her mouth. He pulled back minutely, watching her, "Is this okay?"_

 _She nodded helplessly and he kissed her again._

The memory speckled to black.

 _He had given her a necklace._

 _An opal and two moonstone necklace._

 _An opal and two moonstone necklace with a mithril chain that glittered like diamonds in the sunlight._

 _When she managed to bring herself back to reality and she looked up at him, she saw that Severus was watching her warily._

 _His voice was quiet, "If you don't like it, I can…"_

 _Hermione launched herself at him, peppering his face with kisses which were punctuated with her breathless words, "I…fucking…love…it…you…moron…"_

 _She was so distracted that she didn't notice her arm burning more insistently._

 _When she was done assaulting his face, he gave her a sheepish smile and took the necklace from her, motioning for her to turn so he could put it around her neck, "It was my mum's," he admitted softly. "She told me I would know who to give it to."_

 _Hermione gripped the large opal and two moonstone pendant tightly, "Thank you, Severus. I… I…"_

 _He kissed her gently, his lips quirked up slightly in a goofy smile, "Happy birthday, Hermione."_

The memory burned away.

 _She caught sight of the skin of her left forearm, which she had cleared of the glamour in preparation for bed._

 _And collapsed to the floor at the front of her trunk, tears stinging her eyes._

 _After years of '_ _Lily_ _' being scrawled across her arm in that spiky script, the word had finally, mercifully changed._

 _Eight beautiful letters stared back at her:_ _Hermione_ _._

 _Severus' heart, his deepest desire, had changed._

The memory slid sideways.

 _Severus was sitting at the secluded little table… but he wasn't alone. Lily sat on his right side, indecently close, with her hand resting on his bony shoulder._

 _Hermione saw red._

 _She intended to break up this… this… whatever_ _this_ _was, for he was_ _her_ _soulmate and how_ _dare_ _her friend touch_ _her_ _soulmate, but Lily's green eyes flickered to hers._

 _It all happened very quickly then._

 _Lily whispered something to him and his ears, which were visible due to his hair being pushed behind them—and since when did he ever wear his hair like_ _that_ _—went flaming pink. He turned his face towards her, as if to respond, and Lily captured his mouth, his perfect, decadent mouth, in a fierce kiss. Hermione felt as though she had been punched; she couldn't breathe._

 _Once the kiss had ended, Lily tossed her fiery hair over her shoulder and gave Hermione a smug look._

 _A smug look of victory._

 _The comb that Severus had given her for Christmas in their second year was tucked elegantly into the left side of her hair._

 _Though she didn't want to, Hermione forced herself to look down at her arm. Her name was still there, but it was harder to read now that Lily's name lay directly on top of it._

The memory slid sideways again.

 _Hermione took out her wand and slashed in angry arcs across her arm, over and over, until the skin was so bloody and mutilated that she couldn't read what had been there. Even then, she kept going- deeper and deeper into the wound. Those words felt like a parasite. A disease. An abomination. And it needed to be removed before it infected her further._

 _They were not the blessing she initially thought, but a curse._

 _She was_ _cursed_ _with his words on her skin._

 _She cried harder, not with the pain of her wand slashing across the sensitive flesh, but the pain of essentially cutting_ _him_ _out. But she had to. It had to be done._

The memory dissolved and new one rematerialized.

 _He sounded wounded and broken, "You… you tried to_ _cut it out_ _."_

 _"Of course I did, Severus. What else was I supposed to do?"_

 _He grabbed her shoulder and whipped her around to face him, his eyes alight with fury, "How about fucking_ _talking_ _to me? How about telling me the goddamn_ _truth_ _instead of… instead of…"_

 _"Why?" She asked again. "What possible purpose would that have served, Severus? Tell me, what difference would it have made?"_

 _He spluttered, "I… I had no idea! All these years, you pretended as though you didn't have anyone's words! How was I supposed to know that—"_

 _"That I was hopelessly in love with you?" Hermione snorted. "Give me a fucking break. Even blind you could have seen the signs."_

The memory shifted sideways once more.

 _Hermione felt like she was being torn apart,_ _"You've strung me along since I was fourteen. Her name was still firmly etched into my arm but you would give me a little—just enough to keep me hoping that maybe…" She clenched her fists to fight back another round of hysterics. "I never said anything. I never brought it up. I never asked you for anything because… because you're not_ _obligated_ _to love me, Severus. My friendship wasn't offered under the condition that you love me back. When her name… when her name showed up on my arm, I accepted it. I was ready to just be your friend, to listen to you pant after her and deliver your fucking gifts to her. I was okay with that because I would rather have you in my life as my friend than not at all. But you kept… you_ _keep_ _confusing me. Just when I feel like I'm okay again, like I can finally breathe and have finally accepted the way things are…" Hermione wrapped her arms around her middle, as if to hold herself together, to keep herself from physically falling to pieces right there on the floor. "You kiss me. And you give me gifts that belonged to your_ _mother_ _. And you get jealous over the idea of anyone's words being on my skin. I'm not a toy, Severus. You can't just take me out to play whenever you're bored with Lily only to throw me away again when she shows you the slightest bit of attention. You can't fucking_ _do_ _that to me! Do you have any idea how hard it is to pick myself back up again after you do?"_

The memory jumped.

 _Severus was right by her side, every day, but she never spoke to him._

 _She couldn't. She just wasn't ready yet._

 _She needed time._

The memory flashed forward.

 _"I…" She gripped his shirt in her fist. "I love you."_

 _Her arm burned, almost searing in its intensity, and she watched as the word '_ _Forgiveness'_ _bled into '_ _Hermione, forever'_ _._

 _He lifted her chin with his fingers and he trapped her with his gaze as he spoke, "I have been… blind for so many years. I've wasted so much time," he traced the features of her face with feather light touches and she shivered. "But you gave me a choice and… I promise Hermione, you will_ _never_ _regret it. Not for the rest of our lives. Not after. Never."_

The memory changed one last time.

 _They were standing on the steps of Hogwarts, clad in their graduation clothes, as she stared down at the open box he handed her that housed a ring and a key._

 _"I finally know, without a shadow of a doubt, all the things that_ _I_ _want," he took the box from her and picked out the lovely princess cut diamond, which was flanked by two scorching fire rubies of the same, albeit smaller, cut on either side. "I want_ _you_ _, I want_ _us_ _, every day, for the rest of my life. If… if you'll have me, that is."_

 _She stared up at him for a disproportionately long time, gaping rather inelegantly like a fish out of water._

 _His deep, obsidian eyes were uncertain now, "…Hermione?"_

 _And because they still were who they were, Hermione launched herself into his arms and peppered his face from hairline to jawline with kisses._

 _There was a deep rumble of laughter in his chest, "Is that a yes?"_

 _As always, her words were punctuated by kisses and breathless chuckles, "Of… course… it… is… you… moron… I… fucking… love… you…"_

 _He turned his head and captured her mouth in a searing kiss that consumed her like wildfire. She could feel his hunger, his need burning just below the surface and it bled from his mouth into hers._

 _"Mine," he growled into her mouth, unrelenting. "All_ _mine_ _."_

 _"Mmmm…" She groaned, pressing herself against him. "Severus?"_

 _"What?" He snarled, his teeth clacking against hers._

 _"What's they key for?"_

 _Severus stopped, "I… may have bought us a house."_

 _Her eyebrow lifted, "You may have or you did?"_

 _"I did."_

Severus broke the connection abruptly, causing Hermione to gasp and sag against the couch. Before she could even gather herself, he snatched her left arm and shoved the sleeve up to the elbow, exposing the stark black of her soulmate tattoo against her bronze skin. Exactly as he saw in her mind, _'Hermione, forever'_ was scrawled across the delicate skin in his distinct, spiky handwriting. There was no mistaking it.

"It's… it's true…" He said in astonishment as he ran the pad of his index finger over the words on her arm. "The words are real."

She gave an involuntary shiver and he dropped her arm as if she had burned him.

Severus practically jumped from the couch, "I… I should…" He stammered as he fumbled with the clasps on his cloak. "I have to go."

Hermione didn't look up but her fist clenched, "There's more," she whimpered. "There's so much more."

"Later," he practically gasped. "I can't… not now. I need to speak with Albus. I… I'm sorry."

As if the hounds of Hell were on his heels, Severus lowered the wards for a brief moment- just long enough for him to Apparate away.

Hermione wrapped her fingers tightly around her bared forearm and wept once more.

* * *

 *****If you choose to review, please be kind. I've been struggling with this one a little more than usual.*****


	4. Chapter 4

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K. Rowling is the only one who owns all things Harry Potter.**

 *****Sorry for the delay guys. I have 2 little ones, a full-time job, and I'm in graduate school so with the holidays, everything was a little crazy. I know that this one will hurt too but we gotta get through the pain to get to the happiness! I promise, fluff is imminent. Be kind, please.*****

* * *

He had run away. One look at the life she came from, at the pieces of the memories she could bear to relive, and he had bolted like a bat out of hell.

Hermione felt sick.

Moments later she found herself heaving over the toilet, tears stinging her eyes as her stomach desperately tried to empty its nonexistent contents. When the retching finally subsided, she slid to the floor on trembling knees. Her eyes flickered over the large, claw-foot tub on her right.

 _"Severus!" She admonished half-heartedly, her furious blush lost under the scalding water that was already leaving a rosy flush on her skin. "What in Merlin's name are you doing?"_

 _She could actually hear the smirk in his husky voice as he dragged his long, slender fingers across her collarbones and down towards her breasts, "I though it rather obvious. This is our home now and I intend to have you in every… single… room…"_

 _"We have dinner…" She gasped as his fingers slipped between her slick thighs. "…with my parents in 20 minutes…" His fingers plunged into her and she had to reach for the wall to keep from falling. "…no- ah!- time…"_

 _Severus stepped into the tub behind her, grinding his naked erection shamelessly into her back as he bent to catch her ear with his teeth, "I beg to differ, my love. I've already fucked you in the kitchen and made you come on the stairs. I hardly think christening the bathroom under a time constraint will be where I am defeated. Besides…" He spun her around, lifted her into his arms, and shoved her spine into the warm tiled wall, his cock pressed insistently against her swollen flesh as she moaned. "You know I love a challenge."_

Hermione's heart twisted as she scrambled from the small bathroom, her back connecting with the wall of the hallway. She forced herself the five or six feet to the staircase but it didn't help- she could still see their ghosts.

 _"Why?" Severus sobbed into her arms at the foot of the stairs, clinging to her like it was the end of days. "Why don't they want me? Why don't they love me?"_

 _Hermione's emotions were warring inside her as her fiancé wept. She wanted to cry with, comfort him, love him, but she also wanted to hex his worthless fucking parents into oblivion. How dare they continually hurt Severus? How dare they continue to offer him little scraps of hope only to dash them spectacularly each time? How dare they break his heart, over and over, on purpose? "I know it hurts, sweetheart. I know. But I… I don't know why they're like this. I don't know why they treat you this way. I wish I did but—"_

 _The sobs ripped even harder from his chest._

 _"Tell me how to make it better, Severus," she begged, rocking him gently. "Tell me what you need from me and I'll do it. I'll do anything for you, my love. Just tell me how to heal you."_

 _"L-love me," he pleaded against her shoulder, his typically smooth, silky voice small and wounded. "Promise me you'll always love- that you'll never… you'll never…"_

 _Tears slipped from her eyes onto his hair and her hands trembled as she pulled him even closer, "I will never stop loving you, Severus. Not in this life or any other. Not in death or whatever awaits us after. You're my husband- my soulmate- and I will love you even if you send me away someday."_

 _"Never," Severus shook his head against her, voice thick with tears. "I will never send you anywhere that I can't follow."_

Hermione could not stop the tears as she backed away from the staircase. No matter where she looked, there were memories; memories of a life she no longer had with a man who no longer existed. That realization slammed into her so hard it nearly knocked the breath from her lungs. The colors on the walls around her darkened as her feet dragged her back and by the time she realized that she was now in the master bedroom, it was far too late. The Gods were certainly thorough in their cruelty- their bedroom looked exactly the same as she remembered, right down to the sheets on the bed.

 _Severus was laying on his side with one hand propping up his head and the other resting gently on her belly. Even with only the spotty moonlight filtering into their windows through the sheer curtains, Hermione could see the serious, pensive look on his face._

 _Her words were soft, "Talk to me, Severus."_

 _He didn't hesitate to answer but his expression didn't change, "What if I turn out to be just like him?"_

 _Hermione slid her hand on top of his and squeezed, "You are nothing like your father, Severus. You will be a wonderful dad and our little boy is already so lucky to have you. I have no doubt that he will be brilliant like you and witty like you and absolutely brimming with love," she caressed the sharp angle of his cheekbone. "Just like you."_

 _His eyes softened as he looked up at her and she could see that they were bright with unshed tears, "The unshakable faith you have in me is astonishing, Hermione. You make it so easy to believe you- like I really_ can _do this."_

 _"You can," she beamed at him. "Our little boy and I love you so much, Severus. I know it's hard, but you have to love yourself a little, too."_

 _Sometime later, after Hermione had drifted off to sleep, she felt the mattress dip beside her as her husband returned to bed. He curled his lithe, slender frame around hers and nestled his large hand against her abdomen. "Alexander," he whispered, pressing his lips to the shell of her ear. "We should name him Alexander."_

 _Hermione smiled, humming contentedly as she reveled in his warmth, "Mmmm… Alexander it is."_

 _"I'm terrified of fucking this up," Severus admitted softly, fingers flexing against their growing child. "But I swear I won't let either of you down. Not now, not ever."_

 _"Never though you would, love," she mumbled sleepily. "You never fail at anything. You're brilliant. And perfect. And handsome. And talented. And smell so yummy…"_

 _Severus chuckled a little, "You wax poetic when pregnant, I see. I like it."_

 _Hermione's face was already buried back into her pillow, "Mmmm… better keep knocking me up then."_

 _He brushed back a lock of her insane curls before pressing his lips to her temple, "Believe me, I plan on it."_

She was clutching at her chest, afraid that her heart was actually breaking in two. How could she do this? She _couldn't_ do this. Death had tried to warn her, had tried to caution her that this life would be different than the one she knew but Hermione had been so desperate to see Severus again that she never imagined in a thousand years that he might not…

And then she saw it.

Typically, they had kept all of their photographs—muggle and magical—in the living room on the mantle. The only one they had ever kept in their bedroom was a single silver frame housing the only magical ultrasound photo they'd managed to get before Travers stole their son from them.

Hermione exhaled sharply as she grabbed it, fingers shaking as she lifted it to her face.

The frame now held a magical photo of Lily Evans-Potter instead.

It slipped from her hand and shattered across the hardwood floor at her feet.

 _Hermione dragged her fingers across the wiggling magical ultrasound photo as she waved her other hand to quickly plait her hair._

 _Severus pulled her into his arms from behind, exhaling shakily, "Please…_ please _be careful out there tonight."_

 _She turned to her husband, a soft smile on her lips, "Aren't I typically the more cautious one? Besides, I really don't think you have anything to worry about, Severus. Alastor just wants my wand there as a precautionary measure. I doubt I'll cast a single spell tonight."_

 _"I should be going with you," he groused, brow furrowed in frustration. "Fucking Albus and his rounds schedule."_

 _She chuckled, kissing the tip of his overlarge nose, "Someone has to keep the little miscreants in line, my love. And they do have a rather disproportionate fear of invoking your ire."_

 _He did not smile as his eyes flicked over her shoulder to the picture frame where Alexander wiggled then back to her, "Are you certain you're healed enough for this?"_

 _"I was healed before we left St. Mungo's, Severus."_

 _"You know what I meant."_

 _"Yes."_

 _Severus brushed her cheek, "Yes as in you know what I meant or yes as in you're healed?"_

 _"It's always going to hurt," she whispered, tears stinging her eyes, "but we can't hide behind our grief forever. The Order needs us."_

 _He rested his forehead on her shoulder, sighing, "I know."_

 _"I'll be back before morning," Hermione lifted his face and pressed a kiss to his nose then his lips. "You won't even have time to miss me."_

 _"Impossible."_

 _"_ You _are impossible," she chuckled, summoning the pair of emergency portkeys from the bureau and handing him his. "I'll see you soon, love."_

 _His fingers tightened around the cloth-covered figurine, "It better be back at Hogwarts and not at the safe house."_

 _Hermione slipped her matching figuring into her pocket, "Just another precaution, Severus. Try to get some rest before rounds and before you know it, I'll be back."_

 _He pulled her into his arms once more, kissing her with an almost fierce desperation, "I love you. Always."_

 _"Always."_

Hermione stumbled down the stairs, tears blurring her eyes as she clutched at the banister to keep from falling. She had to get out of here- it was too much. She couldn't stay here knowing that her husband, the Severus she had loved since before she knew what love was, was gone. She couldn't stay in this house where everything was almost painfully close to being exactly as she remembered it. She couldn't wait for him to come back and stare at her like a stranger… like a _student_.

Fuck the wards. Fuck whatever was happening in this time and place. Fuck promising him she would wait. She needed out.

She made it as far the kitchen before blood began to drip steadily from her nose.

 _"I just knew these were going to be the perfect height," Severus sighed dreamily as he shoved her skirt to her waist and pulled her to the edge of the counter. "Worth the purchase price of the house all on its own."_

 _Hermione's breath hitched as his fingers danced up her bare thighs._

 _"No knickers?" He breathed against her collarbone. "Fucking hell, I wish I could marry you all over again."_

 _She gripped his slender shoulders, knuckles almost white, "S-Severus, please…"_

 _He let out a long groan, "If you don't control your thoughts Hermione, this is going to be embarrassingly short."_

 _Her attempt at laughter came out too breathy and hitched, "Still? After all this time?"_

 _"For you?" Severus roughly shoved his trousers down and thrust into her like a man possessed. "Always."_

Hermione collapsed against the cabinets, wand slipping from her pocket to clang against the cool tile floor. She palmed the vinewood wand without picking it up, " _A-accio firewhiskey._ "

The half-empty bottle of Ogden's finest came whizzing from the cabinet above the refrigerator and smacked right into her outstretched hand. She uncorked the top and took a long, deep swig, reveling in the searing burn as it slid down her throat.

"Give me another choice," she pleaded quietly to the empty air through her tears. "I made a mistake. I don't want to do this- I _can't_ do this. Please… please give me another choice."

There was no answer, as she knew there wouldn't be.

Death had warned her.

 _"James thinks Lily is depressed."_

 _Severus only reaction was a slightly lifted eyebrow as he continued to peruse the_ Daily Prophet _, "And?"_

 _Hermione twisted her fingers, "Do you think I should go check on her?"_

 _That caused him to pause and lower his paper, "I was under the impression that your friendship ended a rather long time ago."_

 _"Yes," she nodded. "But James is still my friend and I want to help him if I can…"_

 _Severus' expression darkened._

 _Hermione rolled her eyes, "It isn't like that, Severus. How many times do we have to go over this?"_

 _He finally set down the newspaper and turned his full attention to her, eyes stormy, "Then why don't you explain to me exactly what it_ is _like?"_

 _"Severus, please. I don't want to fight about this again."_

 _"Perhaps I do."_

 _She sighed, "You have been my husband for over ten years now and yet you still get—"_

 _"Yes," he hissed. "I do. Because you are_ my _wife."_

 _She could feel her anger simmering just below the surface, "I don't understand why you always have to be so difficult when it comes to this. James has been my friend since we were at Hogwarts and—"_

 _"I will_ not _allow my_ wife _to go gallivanting to some other man's_ house _under the_ guise _of comforting his wife!"_

 _Hermione slammed her hands down onto the table, hair frizzing with furious, raw magic, "How_ dare you _suggest that I would ever do something behind your back?! How dare you think you can control who I can and cannot be friends with!"_

 _"I dare because you are mine!" He roared, slamming his own fist down onto the table, rattling their teacups._

 _"I always have been!" She shouted right back, tears stinging her eyes. "I'm not the one who spent years being in love with someone else!"_

 _Severus visibly recoiled._

 _"Is that what this is about?" Hermione continued furiously. "Are you afraid that I'll do to you what you did to me? Are you afraid that you'll finally know how it felt?"_

 _His crack of Apparition was almost deafening in the small kitchen as he disappeared without a word._

Hermione pulled up her knees and buried her head between them, one hand gripping the Ogden's and the other gripping her wild hair. She poured more and more firewhiskey down her throat.

 _When he returned, it was well past midnight. Severus came stumbling through the Floo into their chambers at Hogwarts, knocking over everything in his path as he made his way to the bedroom. Hermione was still livid and did not attempt to help him as he tripped over his dragonhide boots and collapsed against her side of the bed on the floor, completely pissed._

 _"You w're right," he slurred, tugging at the blankets to pull them from her face. "'M scared of losing you."_

 _She felt her ire melt away at the vulnerable, almost terrified look on his face. Hermione summoned a Sober-Up potion from the bathroom and forced it between his lips. As soon as he had visibly sobered, she kissed him, "I'm sorry," she said softly, brushing her thumb over the dark shadows under his eyes. "I shouldn't have said those things. I didn't mean them."_

 _Severus' expression crumpled as he buried his face into her, "They were true and I don't deserve you after everything I put you through."_

 _"That was all a long time ago, Severus. It doesn't matter now and I'm sorry I brought it up."_

 _"It does," he choked. "It does matter. Hermione, how can you stand me? How can you love me?"_

 _Hermione frowned, pushing him back a little so she could see his face, "Severus… what is this really about? What's wrong? You've been acting so strange since yesterd—"_

 _"They died," he blurted, expression contorting in pain again. "He killed them both."_

 _She immediately knew who he was talking about. Hermione pulled him into a crushing embrace, "Oh my love, I am so, so sorry. Why didn't you tell me? What happened?"_

 _His words came brokenly through sobs, "I went over there to check on them, to make sure they were… when I walked in there was so much blood and… didn't want anyone to know Da was the one who… I Vanished the gun and staged a break in… Aurors showed up after I sent a patronus…"_

 _"Gods, Severus, I am so sorry. I know things were hard between you but they were your parents and I understand—"_

 _"I only ever wanted them to love me," he cried, gripping her camisole tightly. "I only ever wanted them to get better."_

 _Hermione felt her heart breaking at how the long-festering pain had reduced her husband to a damaged child once more, "I know, baby. I know. I'm so, so sorry. But you're not alone; you have me and you have my parents and we all love you so much."_

 _"They never wanted me," Severus wept harder. "But I can't stop loving them, even now. Even after what Da did I still…"_

 _She rocked him back and forth soothingly, caressing his hair, "That's because you are an amazing man, Severus Snape, and I am so, so lucky to be your wife. I would never want you any other way. I know it hurts baby, but your parents were both sick in their own way and there was nothing you could have done."_

 _Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, the tears had stopped but he had gone catatonic instead, not even responding to Hermione anymore._

 _Professor Slughorn was called in to cover his classes until Severus could function again._

The bottle was empty now and she was so drunk the room was spinning. Hermione had hoped that the alcohol would dull the memories that continued to assault her but instead, it only amplified the pain.

 _"Happy birthday Severus!"_

 _He rolled his eyes but couldn't hide the smirk he was desperately attempting to suppress, "What experimental flavor have you decided on this year, dear wife?"_

 _Hermione was practically bouncing on her heels as she lit the candles, "Pomegranate and lime."_

 _He simply chuckled, "And?"_

 _"Well, if the batter is anything to go by then I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Now," she turned to him, holding the lit cake in her outstretched hands, "you know the drill. Make a wish."_

 _"Must I? I'm fairly certain I already have everything I could think to ask for."_

 _Both of their gazes flickered to the small silver frame that was sitting on the kitchen table with them._

 _"Well," he said softly, "almost everything."_

 _Hermione nudged him with her foot, catching his attention again, "That's what wishes are for, love. Go on; make one."_

 _His eyes slipped closed and he blew out the candles._

Hermione attempted to stand but stumbled forward instead, clattering to the tile as the empty glass bottle shattered beneath her hands. She didn't even wince as the glass shards gouged into the palms of her hands where she had attempted to break her fall.

Blood dripped from her sliced palms onto the kitchen floor.

 _"I really wish you would take up Albus' offer and head to one of the safe houses," Hermione sighed for the hundredth time. "Would it really be so bad to—"_

 _Severus wound his arms around her waist from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder, "You know, while your confidence in me is staggering to my ego, I must ask you to refrain from any further flattery lest my head get so big that I no longer fit through the door."_

 _"You know I don't mean it like that," she chided gently. "I would just feel better if I knew you were safe somewhere."_

 _"And what about me? How do you expect me to sit around a safe house while you're out fighting Death Eaters? Do you really think I could do that?"_

 _"No… I suppose not. But a girl can dream."_

 _He turned Hermione in his arms, resting his forehead against hers, "Marry me."_

 _Hermione frowned, "What?"_

 _"When this war is over, I want you to marry me."_

 _"Severus," she smiled, tracing his lips with the pads of her fingers, "I think you're a little confused. We've been married for almost 20 years now."_

 _He actually rolled his eyes, "I know that, you daft woman. I was there, you know. What I mean is that when V- when_ he _is finally gone and we can move on with our life, I want you to marry me again. I believe the muggles call it 'renewing their vows'. I want us to do that and then I can start properly trying to knock you up again."_

 _"Severus…"_

 _"Shall I get you another ring to make it more official? Is that what it will take for you to say yes?"_

 _Hermione's eyes softened, "I don't need another ring, you silly man. Of course I'll marry you again. I'd marry you every day if you asked me to."_

 _His onyx eyes searched hers, "Then why the hesitation?"  
She smiled brightly, "Because I was a little distracted at the thought of you holding a baby that looks like us to form a coherent thought right away."_

 _"That," he grinned, "is a most acceptable answer."_

 _The Floo came roaring to life as Alastor's scraggly face appeared in the emerald green flames just long enough to bark at them, "Hermione, Severus, get your lazy arses to Grimmauld. We've got battle plans to go over before tomorrow."_

 _Severus' face fell as the Auror's face disappeared again, "I suppose that means we should go before they physically send him to retrieve us."_

 _"Hey," Hermione grabbed his hand and he looked back at her. "We just have to get through tomorrow and then we have the rest of our lives together. No more Death Eaters, no more war. Just us."_

 _He pressed his lips to hers quickly, his mouth quirking up into a small smile, "Just us and my relentless attempts at getting you pregnant, that is."_

 _"Oh no," Hermione sighed mockingly. "How will I ever survive it?"_

Even drunk she could feel the wards shimmering around the house. The sensuous, comforting feel of his magic washed over her skin for only a brief moment before the front door slammed open like before. There was nothing but the _click-clack_ of his dragonhide boots on the hardwood for a few seconds before he came to a halt in the doorway to the kitchen. Hermione's head lolled back against the cabinet as she looked up at him.

His eyes were wide and for a moment he looked like he wanted to shout at her but he simply knelt down and took her hands in his, removing his wand from where it was hidden and waving it across the bleeding gouges in her palms. "Is this typically how you deal with your problems?" He asked without looking at her. "Getting pissed and then hurting yourself?"

"Ac'ident," she slurred. "Fell."

"You probably would not have fallen at all if you hadn't drank half a bottle of Ogden's on your own. Would you care to explain why you felt that was necessary?"

"Memories," Hermione said softly, tears burning her eyes even as she pushed them down. "Ev'ry room."

Severus stopped, his wand frozen in place over one of her hands as he reached his other towards the door, " _Accio Sober-Up._ "

The tiny vial zoomed into his hand and he held it to her mouth. She swallowed the potion obediently and slumped the moment her mind was cleared, "I'm sorry for the mess," she managed though her throat felt tight. "I just… I couldn't."

When her palms were whole once again, Severus waved his wand to clear the floor of broken glass and then settled on his haunches before her, finally looking up, "Albus believes I should watch every memory that you have. All of them."

Her chest ached, "Why? It won't make any difference. You don't know me anymore."

His expression actually softened, "Is there… is there no way to return to where you came from? To go back to the life you knew?"

"We died," she choked. "There's nothing to go back to."

He frowned a little, "That cannot be right. There must be a way- there simply cannot be two of you existing in the same universe. Even I know that much about the muggle multiverse theory."

"Death sent me here, Severus. He told me himself that there is no going back."

"Death," he repeated slowly. "A personified version of death sent you here."

She just nodded.

Severus let out a deep sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose before rising back to his feet, "Come sit with me," he held his hand for her and helped her stand. "I have a feeling this is going to be a very long night."

x-x-x

It was five in the morning before they were finally, mercifully, done. Severus pulled from her mind for the final time and collapse back against the couch, his face scrunched in pain. Hermione's nose was bleeding again but she simply waved her hand to stop it.

"I… I just don't understand," he breathed, clearly exhausted and frustrated. "The more I watched… the more you showed me… the more they felt like _my_ memories. Like I could actually remember them myself." When he looked up at her, his eyes were dark. "That has never happened to me with Legilimency before."

Hermione was too drained to respond, her head resting limply against the back of the couch as she watched him.

Severus' eyes were sweeping over her face, seemingly cataloguing every detail. He reached for her, his fingers tracing the line of her jaw down to her chin, "I feel as if I know you… but that the emotions connected to the memories are trapped somewhere, beneath something like an Occlumency shield. Water, perhaps? I can't be certain; it all feels so muddled."

She wanted to believe his words, to foster a small hope that he may someday be hers again, but Hermione was so emotionally battered from reliving every memory of their life together that she simply couldn't summon the emotion. Instead, she felt hopeless- like she was falling headfirst into a dark precipice that she would never be able to escape from. The darkness, the despair was consuming her from the inside out and gnawing away at her soul.

She felt… horrifyingly empty. As if by sharing the memories of her old life she somehow had it taken from her.

"Miss Granger?" Severus tilted her face with his fingers below her chin. "Hermione?"

Her voice was as empty as she felt, "Why did you run?"

He frowned a little, "Your memories were so potent. I just… I know you remember me differently but here… here I am not accustomed to anyone feeling for me the way you do. Your memories overwhelmed me and I just needed some time to gather my thoughts. I needed time to consider what to do."

"Good," Hermione felt a tear drip onto her hand even though she was absolutely numb. "Maybe you can tell _me_ what to do then. Because I am… I am utterly lost."

"Hermione," he tried to catch her gaze but was unsuccessful as she stared into the fire. "I think you might be going into shock. Perhaps you should lie down."

She let out a humorless laugh, not looking up, "I'll just go lie down in our bed then, shall I? Or maybe I can rest in the spare room that we were going to use for our first child. I'm sure that wouldn't make me turn my wand on myself at all."

His voice was soft, "You cheated death once already. Are you certain that toying with the notion of _Avada_ 'ing yourself is wise? Don't you think that might upset… Death? After he gave you another chance?"

"I never should have come here," she whispered, eyes slipping closed. "This was a mistake."

There was a long moment of silence with only the ticking of the clock between them before he spoke again, "I must return to Hogwarts soon to prepare for the new term. There are too many Death Eaters patrolling for you to remain here alone," Severus gently turned her face so she was looking at him. "Come with me. I am not certain that we will ever be able to fix what happened to you, but we can try."

Hermione felt her chest tighten at the warmth in his obsidian eyes. It reminded her so much of the way her Severus used to look at her that she had moved before she even realized what she was doing.

She cupped his face between her hands and kissed him, tongue gently tracing the seam of his lips. He brought his hand up to cover hers and her wedding rings were warm against his large palm. Though it was tentative and hesitant, Severus opened his mouth to her and allowed her inside, his tongue shy and soft against hers. It was all so unlike the aggressive way she was used to him kissing her.

Hermione felt her emotional numbness shatter.

She loved him. In any world, in any universe, in any form- she loved him. It didn't matter if he was a Death Eater or if he no longer had a soulmate tattoo or if he didn't know her as his wife. I didn't matter if he kept a picture of Lily because he was in love with her. It didn't matter he never felt anything for her ever again.

She loved him.

And she always, always would.

She knew she was crying, she could feel the hysterics welling in her chest even as he miraculously kissed her back. He broke away for a brief moment to press his lips to her tear stained cheeks before returning to her mouth.

"Sweet girl," Severus sighed, brushing her curls behind her shoulder. "What I wouldn't have given to have had you in this life with me instead."

Hermione buried her face in his frock coat as she mourned the loss of everything she had ever known while simultaneously nurturing the tiny flame of hope that had sparked inside her heart at his kiss.

"I suppose it doesn't matter," he wrapped his arms around her back. "You're here now."


	5. Chapter 5

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: You all know how this goes- J.K.R. owns all things Harry Potter; the rest of us are only playing.**

 *****TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains references to sexual assault (though it is not detailed). Please proceed with caution.*****

* * *

Hermione frowned as she took in the office they had just Apparated to.

"You're… the Headmaster?"

Severus nodded, though he certainly didn't look happy about it.

Once again her thoughts felt scrambled, "But… you're a Death Eater. And Albus is—"

A warm, familiar voice came from somewhere high behind the Headmaster's desk, "I'm afraid that it is quite a long tale; one that we might not have time to recount at present."

Hermione looked up to see a painted Albus Dumbledore sitting in a plush armchair inside of a large, ornate portrait frame on the wall. He smiled down at her, eyes twinkling exactly as she remembered.

She took a few hesitant steps towards the frame, "Albus… you're… you're dead, too."

His smile never faltered, "Indeed I am, my girl. But from what I hear, it seems as though you have cheated death quite spectacularly. I must admit I am quite curious about that. Would you tell me about it sometime?"  
"Of course," she nodded, still rather stunned. "But how did you…?"

Severus tensed, his muscles seeming to freeze in place and Albus' friendly expression saddened, "My own foolishness, I'm afraid. It seems that one never really outgrows the desire for power."

"Power? But Albus you never needed—"

He held up a wrinkled hand to stop her, "I promise to explain later. Right now, I'm afraid Severus and I have a few things to attend to."

Hermione knew Albus well enough to know when she was being dismissed and she also knew him well enough to know that typically, arguing was not an option.

But not this time. This time, she had questions that demanded at least _some_ answers.

"I'm sorry, Albus. I'm sure you're busy and I don't mean to be rude but," she turned to Severus, "if you're a Death Eater, then why are you the Headmaster? What am I missing?"

The two men shared a knowing look for a moment before Albus nodded at Severus, "I suppose there's no time like the present. Go on and tell her. We have time before they arrive."

With the flick of his wand, Severus banished all of the portrait occupants from their frames and warded the entire office against intrusion of any kind. "Perhaps you should sit down," he sighed, tilting his head towards the plush couch before the fire. "There is much to tell."

x-x-x

She didn't know what to say.

Everything was so drastically different, _everyone_ was so drastically different than what she knew that there were just no words.

So, instead, Hermione began at the only place she could.

"You never got over Lily, even after she died."

Severus' expression clouded over, "There are no soulmates to help guide us here, Hermione. We are not so lucky."

"And you were so angry at the world when you were a teenager that you… you took the mark."

He did not respond.

Hermione turned to him, "Did you really see no other options? Did it really seem like your only choice?"

His answer was concise, "At the time."

"And now?"

He surveyed her for a moment, "Had I known the things I know now… I would have chosen differently."

She nodded a little, turning her face back to seemingly study the crackling fire.

"I…" Severus cleared his throat. "I expected you to be much more upset about what happened to Albus. About what I… did."

"No," Hermione shook her head. "I have known that man most of my life. If there is one thing I know about him, it's that when he chooses to do something, it's for a reason. You didn't force him to put that ring on, but you helped him end things on his own terms in his own way. Though, I admit I don't agree with the way in which he's rather shamelessly used you over the years."

From the corner of her eye, she could see small spots of color bloom high on his sharp cheekbones, "Ahem. Yes, well. Some might say I deserve that."

She managed a small, sad smile, "Nice to see that some things don't change, at least."

"How so?"

"You have always been quite self-deprecating; so quick to shoulder the blame for things that weren't your fault."

He set his teacup down a little harder than necessary, "You are making assumptions again."

Hermione caught his fiery gaze for a moment, "Am I?"

His expression was conflicted.

She turned back to the fire, "I didn't think so."

Silence.

 _Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._

"So you're a spy for Albus while pretending to be a spy for Vol- _him_."

"Essentially."

Hermione twisted her hair into a thick knot atop of her head with a wave of her hand, "And when the school reopens soon, you'll be pretending to play the part of loyal Death Eater Headmaster while also attempting to protect those foolish enough to return here."

He nodded once, eyes shifting away from her.

"So how can I help?"

His gaze snapped back to her so quickly, she was surprised he didn't give himself whiplash, " _What?_ "

She finally turned back to look at him, "Did you learn nothing at all from my memories?"

"But…" He frowned, clearly confused. "But I'm not… things are different now. We're not… we aren't…"

Hermione shrugged, "You're still _you_. And I'm fairly certain that I pledged to be by your side 'for as long as we both shall live'. Things may not be… the same as they were, but we're both alive here- for better or for worse."

Severus' expression softened while his eyes grew sad, "I am not the person you knew."

"I know."

"You should not feel obligated to help me simply because he and I wear the same face."

"That isn't why I want to help," Hermione stood and set down her cup on the arm of the chair. She made it all the way to the door that led to the Headmaster's private chambers before she turned back to him once more. "I want to help because that's what you do for someone you love. And no matter where we are, you are still Severus."

Hours later, when she was falling in and out of consciousness on the couch beyond the door, Hermione was fairly certain she could still feel Severus' shocked gaze boring into the wood from the other side.

x-x-x

"Have you decided?"

"Hmm?" Severus looked up from the almost comically high stack of parchment on his desk. "Decided what?"

Hermione took the seat directly in front of the large desk, "On how best I can help you. You're in a rather precarious position at the moment and I really do think I can be useful, considering we were in the Order…before." She cleared her throat uncomfortably for a moment, re-centering herself before forcing a small smile. "Besides, I'm clearly not going anywhere so it would be silly to just have me sit around and twiddle my thumbs. Not to mention that I'd probably _Avada_ myself out of sheer boredom."

He seemed surprised at her much improved demeanor and said as much, "You seem drastically better adjusted than yesterday."

She shrugged a little though her gaze did flicker anxiously around the office for a moment, "I just… I want to help. And I can't do that if I'm wallowing in self-pity and getting pissed. After all, I… I made the choice to come here."

When Hermione finally pulled herself together enough to look back up at him, Severus was regarding her with a gentle expression, "While I certainly appreciate the offer, I honestly am not certain how you could help. Things with the Dark Lord are growing increasingly volatile as he becomes more unhinged and considering that you are supposed to be on the run with Potter and Weasley, having you front and center elsewhere would only cause questions we could not answer."

Her brow furrowed, "I see your point. Well what about if we—"

Severus pitched forward suddenly, knocking several things from his desk as he gripped his tattooed forearm in pain, "Gods damn it all!" He pulled something small from the inside pocket of his voluminous robes- a velvet cloak and silver mask- and quickly enlarged them. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I have to go."

As he donned the robes and mask, Hermione could physically see his demeanor change as a thick shield of Occlumency slid down behind his eyes. Seconds later, with a sharp _CRACK!_ , he was gone.

She remained in that chair for the next few hours, nibbling her lip and desperately trying to think of a way to help Severus.

x-x-x

As it turns out, the decision was made for them.

When Severus returned in the wee hours of the morning, hardly able to move for all the physical damage he'd sustained, Hermione knew exactly what her role in this place was going to be.

After all, she always had been rather gifted at healing.

He stumbled through the door of the Headmaster's Tower around two a.m., face busted and bleeding, limping so badly that Hermione genuinely had no idea how he had made it all the way back on his own.

"Sweet fucking Merlin," she gasped as he nearly collapsed the very moment her hands caught him. "What the hell have you been doing, training to be an MMA fighter?!"

Severus tried to mumble something but whimpered in pain instead. From the odd angle, she could see that his jaw was broken. Well, shit.

Though he was thin, even thinner than the Severus she remembered, Hermione still sagged under the weight of his six-foot plus frame. She cast a quick lightening charm on his body so she could better carry him and then gently helped him to the couch in front of the fire. When she tried to get him to sit, he managed a small shake of his head- motioning towards the door to his private chambers.

That's right. It wouldn't do any good to have any professors poking around and seeing a girl who wasn't even supposed to be in the same country tending to a severely injured Headmaster.

Once she managed to get him into his chambers, Hermione cast a few comfort charms on the couch before slowly lowering him onto it. It didn't matter- the moment Severus' body came in contact with the cushions, he nearly wept with agony.

Hermione shed her robes and rolled up her sleeves, aiming her wand at his face, "Would you rather be unconscious for this?"

Severus managed to shake his head.

"Then I am so sorry but this is going to hurt like hell," she pressed the tip of her wand to his jaw. "Please stay very, very still. _Ossium emendo!_ "

There was a sharp cracking sound followed by a deep groan as his jawbone reset itself in the proper place.

"Better?"

He moved his jaw experimentally from side to side and when it seemed to move the way it was supposed to, gave a small nod.

"I need to see where else you're hurt," Hermione said softly. "I'm going to cast some diagnostic spells on you so I need you to try to remain still again, alright?"

Severus was breathing too hard to answer; sweat began beading on his brow. She gentle took his wrist to feel his pulse- it was racing and his skin was cool and clammy.

He was going into shock.

"Shit. _Shit!_ " She began waving her wand frantically over him in the distinct figure eight patterns of diagnostic spells. The small, corporeal diagram of Severus' body appeared in the air before her, glowing red at the points of damage as it quickly detailed each injury. Her hands began to tremble and nausea roiled in her stomach- there was so much injury that almost the entire diagram was scarlet. Severus' breathing became more labored and his eyes rolled back. "Fuck! Severus! _Severus!_ Stay with me, okay? I'm going to heal you, just stay with me!"

Hermione decided to start where it was likely the worst- the broken, fractured, and splintered bones. She managed to quickly mend the fractures along his femurs and his ribs before resetting both of his broken shoulders. She then healed the splinters along his forearms and collarbone. After summoning some pain potions and Dittany with a quick _Accio_ , Hermione forced two pain potions down his throat before turning to heal his other wounds. According to the diagnostics, his back was torn pretty bad so she gently turned him on his stomach and Vanished his clothing only to almost immediately vomit on the floor. Whoever had done this had nearly flayed him open, the skin of his back peeling away in long sheets almost down to his bones. Tears stung her eyes but there was no time for hysterics. She could have a breakdown later—and there was no doubt that she would if the inevitable nightmares didn't get to her first—right now, she needed to remove as much red as she could from that fucking diagram.

In the calmest, most soothing voice she could manage, Hermione began to sing, " _Vulnera Sanentur… Vulnera Sanentur… Vulnera Sanentur…_ "

One by one, little by little, the skin of his back repaired itself. With each subsequent pass of her wand and additional chant, the sheets of torn skin began to knit back together as if by invisible hands. Once his back was whole again, Hermione cast a quick _Tergeo_ to remove the blood and then slathered a thick layer of Dittany across the freshly healed skin followed by some soft bandages. Another quick glance at the diagnostic diagram told her that all that was left was mostly internal damage now. She took her time repairing each of his organs as best she knew how, starting from the slight swelling in his brain and moving downwards. Hermione healed his bruised windpipe, repaired some internal bleeding, and knitted a few organs that had been either punctured or torn. It wasn't until she was almost finished that the final red piece of the diagram caused her to pause.

What the fuck?

Hermione leaned forward, brow furrowing in concentration as she analyzed the damage that the diagram was attempting to detail for her. She didn't understand; she had never seen such specific injury like this before during her work with the Order. Why on earth would Severus have torn muscle and internal bleeding _there_ of all places?

She used her wand to rotate the diagram a few different ways before it hit her.

He had been raped.

And such extensive damage could only point to more than one culprit.

This time, Hermione vomited violently.

As Severus was now unconscious, she gave herself a few moments to completely lose her shit. Not only was she horrified, she was fucking _furious_. Hermione could feel her raw magic crackling around her like a shield, reaching itself outward to wind little blue tendrils around Severus' wrists and fingers in a protective gesture. Her hands trembled with the need to hurt, to _kill_ whoever had done this to him.

She would find out and she would make them pay. Oh, yes; whoever had done this to him was going to be begging for death by the time she was finished with them.

But before she could become an avenging angel, she needed to make sure Severus was alright.

Hermione tamped down on her rage and Vanished his only remaining clothing- his blood-stained shorts.

She should have been prepared for what she saw- after all, the diagnostic diagram was pretty detailed, almost graphically so; she had specifically designed her spell to be so considering that most of the time, when she was called in by the Order to help heal someone, they were typically unconscious and couldn't tell her where they were hurt. So, thanks to the corporeal diagram, she already knew how he was injured and she already knew how it happened.

But the sight of dried blood on his thighs snapped her last remnant of self-control.

Her knuckles gripped her wand so tightly as she healed him that they were white, the tendons bulging under the skin. As soon as the damage was completely repaired and his skin had been cleansed of all remaining blood, Hermione used her trembling hand to gently turn his face towards her. Thankful to all the Gods that he was unconscious and thus, his Occlumency shields were down, she used the pad of her thumb to lift his eyelid so she could see one glassy, obsidian eye.

"You can't hide from me you sick bastards," she snarled quietly. " _Legilimens!_ "

Hermione went tumbling into Severus' mind, careful to ignore absolutely everything other than the memory she was looking for. He'd probably be furious with her for poking around inside of his head without his express permission, but he could scream at her later. Right now, she needed information and she knew he would never, ever give it to her willingly. Not about this.

Once she found the most recent memory thread that was absolutely drenched with searing agony, Hermione grabbed onto it with both hands and followed it all the way back to the source, nearly sobbing with the potency of his pain as it slammed into her, over and over again, as if she had been there herself. At the very end of the thread, she stepped through a door.

x-x-x

When Hermione resurfaced from his mind, she had all of about ten seconds to reorient herself before Severus' began to seize with the after effects of the Cruciatus.

This was, unfortunately, something she had much experience with treating.

Hermione cast a full body-bind on him before levitating him to the adjoining bathroom where she filled the tub with scalding water and flicking her wand for only half a second, " _Glacius!_ "

Once the water was as cold as was safe for a person, Hermione gently lowered Severus' unconscious form into the freezing water. Not wanting to harm his already overstimulated nerves any further, she only kept him in the cold water for five minutes. Another quick diagnostic spell showed that the inflammation and swelling from the Cruciatus had lessened significantly so she began to gradually warm the water with her wand. By the time the water was at a comfortable temperature, she _Finite_ 'd the body-bind and was pleased to see his muscles unconsciously relax in the water.

Hermione managed to control herself for an hour and a half while the warm water soothed his nerve endings. However, once her last diagnostic spell revealed only minor blips of red where Severus would simply need rest to recover, she was fairly certain that she was furious enough to cast the Avada Kedavra non-verbally. Considering that she had never cast it at all before, that was saying something and she knew it.

But she didn't care.

Hermione held herself together for long enough to get Severus clothed in something light and into his bed. She then wrote a quick ' _Be right back, please don't worry. –H'_ on a torn piece of parchment that she left on his bedside table in case he awoke while she away, though considering how much Dreamless sleep she dosed him with, she seriously doubted he would. As she stepped back into the Headmaster's office, she heard Albus from behind the desk.

"Will he be alright?"

She rounded on the old man, fire in her eyes, "How can you possibly ask me that? How can you sit there and pretend to care after the things I was forced to…" Hermione forced herself to stop and take a deep breath before glaring back up at him. "Does he come back from being summoned like that often?"

The former Headmaster had the decency to look sad, "Unfortunately, it is more common an occurrence than I had originally anticipated."

Her eyes narrowed, "And how often does someone care for his injuries?"

Albus looked extremely uncomfortable as he opened his mouth.

"And _don't you dare_ lie to me, Albus," she growled. "I saw the scars- _all_ of them. Immediate application of Dittany to most of those should have completely taken care of them… unless the person doing the healing was so incredibly injured that they didn't care about potential scars and only cared about making it through the process alive."

"I…" He cleared his throat. "I am not certain what you want me to say. Severus has a very dangerous role in this war it comes with very real risks that he was aware of when he—"

"Bullshit! There is not a single chance in hell that he signed up for this abuse voluntarily. He may have offered himself in service to you to atone for his mistakes Albus, but he did not offer to be your sacrificial lamb!"

"Hermione," he placated in a gentle voice, "while I can appreciate you becoming a champion for him, I must remind you that Severus was doing just fine on his own before you arrived here."

"Just fine? _JUST FINE?!_ " Hermione roared, advancing on the portrait with her wand drawn. "Are you blind? Or just willfully ignorant?"

"Hermione, please—"

"He weighs 40 pounds less than what is healthy for someone of his age and height. He had stress ulcers that lit up my diagnostic spell like Christmas lights, which accounts for his weight. Almost every inch of his skin is covered in scars overlapping more scars and anyone with eyes can tell that that man has not slept like a normal person in years. And that's just the typical, day-to-day ailments I found. Shall I go into graphic, horrifying detail about the injuries he sustained tonight? Or would you rather me recount them for you, moment by moment, as I saw it all happen in his memories? Which would you prefer?"

Albus looked genuinely surprised, "You… you were able to perform Legilimency on him?"

Hermione scoffed, "Out of everything I just told you, _that_ is what you took from it all? Merlin al-fucking-mighty."

"No, Hermione, I don't think you understand the gravity of what you're able to do. Severus is—"

"The most powerful Occlumens in the Wizarding world and probably one of the most powerful Legilimens as well? Yes, I know; he was my husband for almost 20 years. Who do you think taught me?"

Albus looked floored.

"I don't have time for this," she huffed, whirling around to search through the drawers of the Headmaster's desk.

"What are you looking for?" The painted man asked.

"I need to be able to Apparate in and out of here tonight and I need something of Severus' so the wards will allow me through."

"Where are you trying to go?"

Hermione simply turned her head and lifted an eyebrow at him in disbelief.

Albus immediately began to panic, "Hermione, _no_. I know that you're angry but you absolutely cannot go after any of them. Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there right now? What would happen to you if you were caught? What would happen to Severus if they discovered you were here with him?"

She scoffed again, rolling her eyes so hard it hurt, "I was in the Order for a very long time, Albus. I promise you, I know my way around Disillusionment and deception spells. You were the one to make sure of that."

"Hermione, _please_. I am begging you to reconsider this."

She paused in her search of Severus' desk and turned to the former Headmaster, indignant tears stinging her eyes, "They did the worst things to him, Albus. Things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Things I wouldn't wish on Vol- _him_. I understand that leaving is a risk but I just… I can't let this go, Albus. I can't. I know that you and I don't have the same relationship here as we did back where I came from, but please believe me when I say that I will be leaving Hogwarts tonight and hunting those sons of bitches down, with or without your help."

"Severus, _this_ Severus, isn't your husband," he said softly. "As much as you want him to be, he isn't. Please tell me you understand that."

"I do," Hermione nodded, twisting her wedding band around her finger. "But that doesn't mean that I don't still love him just the same."

"His heart is set on someone else, Hermione. It has been for a very long time and that is not likely to change."

"I know," she nodded again. "He told me about her."

Albus frowned, "Then why are you doing this? Why are you willing to risk so much?"

Hermione lifted her bare arm to him, the stark black tattoo of Severus' spiky handwriting glaring against her bronze skin, "Because in any world, in any life… I still have this."

"Soulmates do not exist here, my girl," he said sadly. "Even if you have that, Severus will never wear one to match."

"Why does that matter? Who says we need matching tattoos to love each other? Who is to say that I wasn't mean to find him here?"

He sighed deeply, "Hermione…"

"Look, Albus, I get what you're saying. I really do. And I promise you, I am not… I don't expect anything from him. I'm not expecting him to just wake up one day and be the man I knew or to feel anything at all for me, no matter how long I'm here. But I made the choice to forgo death and return to another life in order to find Severus again and now I have. In the infinite number of times and places Death could have sent me to, he sent me here and now. Don't you think that means something? Don't you think that means that I'm meant to help? To change things?"

Albus stroked his long, white beard thoughtfully, "I must admit that my knowledge of the intricate machinations of Death is limited. You are truly the first person I know of that has actually died and come back."

"Then please, _please_ just help me. You know this place, you know the things that are happening- I'd be willing to bet that, despite the fact that he is a spy in the Inner Circle, you know more than even Severus. I need you, Albus. I need you to help me save his life."

The old Headmaster looked away, "I was under the impression that you healed him already and that he was going to recover."

Hermione stepped closer to the portrait, "You know exactly what I mean, Albus. It doesn't take a genius to know that Severus won't survive this. If the summons don't kill him, either the Order or Vol- _he_ will. Am I wrong?"

He did not respond but he did shift uncomfortably in his plush chair.

"That's what I thought."

The large clock above the mantle chimed 4 a.m.

"I want to be back before first light," Hermione turned back to the Headmaster's desk. "I just need something personal of his and then I can go."

The former Headmaster let out a deep sigh, "Bottom drawer on the left-hand side; there should be a small blue box. He keeps a necklace of his mother's there."

She bent down to open the drawer and removed the familiar looking box. The moment she opened it, Hermione sagged against the desk and tears welled in her eyes.

The opal and two moonstone necklace Severus, _her_ Severus, had given her for her seventeenth birthday sat nestled against the worn black velvet and looked as if it hadn't been touched in many, many years.

 _It was my mum's. She told me I would know who to give it to._

Her hand automatically went to her neck, but then she remembered that she had removed the necklace before the Final Battle, worried that something would happen to it. Hermione's fingers gently stroked the glimmering mithril chain inside the box with affection. It was the only kind gesture his mother had ever made towards him in his entire life and he ended up gifting it to her and it had sealed their soulmate bond- it had triggered the vital change in the words on her arm.

Hermione forced herself to blink away the tears.

"It seems as though you… recognize it."

She nodded vaguely at the portrait frame, "You could say that."

"Hermione, perhaps this isn't—"

Hermione cleared her throat and quickly fastened the necklace around her throat before hiding it beneath her shirt, "It's fine. _I'm_ fine. I'll put it back when I return." She turned back to her old friend and mentor. "Now I need to know where the Death Eater hideout used most frequently for summoning is. It looked different in his memories than the one I remember but I could see water outside."

Albus sighed in resignation, "There is a villa on the far outskirts of the moors of North Yorkshire, near the North Sea. It is Unplottable but I can tell you exactly where to find it. However, I must warn you that it is heavily warded against anyone without a Dark Mark."

Hermione waved her hand dismissively, "Not a problem."

He frowned, "But how—"

"Sev- I mean, my husband and I found a way around that some years ago. We created a spell that can perfectly replicate the magical signature of the Dark Mark on your skin. It only works for a few minutes, but that should be long enough for me to get past the wards."

It was obvious that he was trying very hard not to look impressed, "And if it isn't?"

Hermione's eyes glinted in the firelight, "Then I will force my way in."

x-x-x

It was, thankfully, still dark as Hermione's Apparition landed her as close to the location of the villa as possible without alerting the wards. She had to admit that Albus had been right. She was probably still a good mile away from the actual villa itself but she could already feel the wards prickling at her skin in the inky blackness as she moved slowly closer.

Hermione took a deep breath and swirled her wand in a twisting, circular motion around her forearm, " _Morsmordre replicare_."

There was a cold, slimy sensation that wriggled across her skin and nauseated her for a brief moment before the Dark Mark appeared right next to her soulmate tattoo. She then cast a quick glamour over her soulmate words and sealed her spells so that only her _Finite_ would remove them.

With one more flick of her wand, Hermione had placed a thick, almost impenetrable deception spell over herself so that her physical appearance would immediately _Confund_ anyone who looked upon her and they would be unable to recall anything about her in the future, even through means such as Veritaserum or Legilimency. It would not last long, as it required a tremendous amount of magic, but it would get her into the building without suspicion. She couldn't help but grin.

Alastor had prepared her well.

Hermione took a few more deep, calming breaths, and summoned her own dormant Occlumency shields that came slamming shut like a bank vault inside of her mind.

Oh yes, she was most ready for this.

With one foot cautiously in front of the other, Hermione made her way into the thick wards that surrounded the villa where Travers and Dolohov sat, unsuspecting.

Even behind her Occlumency shields, Hermione could still see Travers holding Severus down while Dolohov…

She clenched her fist.

…Could see Travers breaking Severus' bones, making him bleed, even as he…

She palmed her wand.

…Could hear them laughing, could hear them _all_ laughing, as they watched…

She grit her teeth.

…Could feel the sickly green light leave Dolohov's wand and whiz past her as her husband pulled her out of the way…

She growled deep in her chest.

…Could feel the dark spells slicing into her slightly swollen abdomen as Travers cackled and the others ambushed them…

Hermione didn't even pause as she shattered the front doors to splinters.

* * *

 *****I am rather enjoying this 'avenging angel' Hermione.*****


	6. Chapter 6

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I don't own anything Harry Potter related; thank our queen JKR for that.**

 *****TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of sexual assault (though it is not detailed) and depictions of violence.*****

* * *

She looked exactly the same as always.

Same wild mane of curls, same deep bronze skin, same cinnamon eyes.

She was still just a little too short and her stomach still was just shy of being flat.

No matter how many times she looked up into the mirror above the sink, her reflection never changed.

So why did she keep expecting it to?

Hermione turned on the tap until it was scalding, almost hot enough to burn, before putting her hands under the water.

The water instantly turned pink as it swirled down the drain.

There was so much blood- it was everywhere. Her hands, her cheek, her hair. She was absolutely covered in it. Without a doubt, her clothes would need to be burned.

Well, she did just kill two people so it shouldn't be terribly surprising.

Hermione gripped the rim of the sink with wet hands. Where was the guilt? Why wasn't she panicking and having a complete mental breakdown? Why was she so calm?

She looked into the mirror again.

Other than being splattered with blood, she was still her same old self.

Truth be told, Hermione felt… relaxed? Pleased? Content? No, those were not quite right. She felt…

Whole.

Hermione felt whole.

After just murdering two men in the most brutal way her magic would allow.

She fingered her wedding band, eyes far away.

Yes… yes. She had absolutely done the right thing and if given the chance, she would do it again. There was no guilt because she didn't feel that she was wrong. She didn't feel any different because she had not split her soul.

Hermione stepped into the shower to wash away all that was left of Travers and Dolohov, feeling very much like a beautiful, righteous Valkyrie who had just returned from battle.

x-x-x

Hermione was in the process of applying a fresh layer of Dittany and bandages to his healing back when she felt his breathing change.

"Welcome back," she said softly, using her wand to quickly seal the bandages to his skin. "How are you feeling?"

Severus turned his head to face her, "Remarkably better than I should, considering what I remember. What happened?"

"You made it back to your office, Merlin knows how with how bad off you were, but I was able to get you back here before you started going into shock. You slipped in an out for a while as I healed you but eventually you passed out."

He slowly moved to a sitting position, rotating various appendages and rolling his neck and shoulders to assess if there was any remaining damage. He flexed his fingers and moved his jaw a few times before turning back to her, clearly surprised, "I actually feel better than I did before the summoning."

Hermione flushed a little, "I have a lot of experience with healing… the Order, you know?"

Severus nodded, averting his gaze.

"Here," she stood, reaching out to him. "Let me at least help you up. I want to make sure you can actually move around before I leave you to your own devices."

He rolled his eyes but took her proffered hand anyway, pulling himself to his feet. Just as she hoped, Severus was able to stand and walk around on his own without any issues at all.

"Since you seem alright, I suppose you can dress yourself."

His eyebrow lifted, eyes widening as he blushed scarlet.

Hermione cracked a grin, chuckling, "Merlin, you should see your face!"

"Out!" He barked even as she slid through the door. "Insolent little…"

x-x-x

She was still laughing when he reemerged in the living room.

Severus came to sit in the armchair that sat across from the couch Hermione was currently occupying, grumbling about her being insufferable as he grabbed the cup of tea she had made for him.

"Despite the fact that that really was hilarious," she smirked into her tea, "you _have_ to admit that there really is merit in having someone help you with all of those lovely buttons. And I would have been more than happy to oblige… though I do admit I prefer to undo them rather than the other way around."

He choked on his tea, spluttering, "Miss- Hermione! For the love of Merlin, you would please control yourself? This subject is entirely inappropriate!"

Hermione really couldn't help herself, she just felt so _happy_. She had healed him well and delivered some very delicious retribution on a certain pair of Death Eaters who would no longer be able to hurt anyone ever again. Gods, she was practically drunk with contentment.

All was as it should be.

Well, almost all anyway.

"Mmmm…" She hummed as she took a sip of the warm liquid, eyeing him over the rim. "Didn't seem to rile your delicate sensibilities when I kissed you though. Funny how that works."

Severus spit his tea all over his robes.

Hermione snickered, biting her lip in a poor attempt to hide it. Flirting with him was so fun and at the moment, she really didn't have a care in the world. Right now, she just wanted to enjoy her happiness.

"I… that was… a-accident!" He stammered while trying to dry his robes with his wand.

"Oh, right of course. How silly of me; I completely forgot that sometimes tongues slip into other people's mouths of their own accord."

He opened his mouth to, presumably, shout at her if the look on his face was anything to go by but before he could say anything, Severus doubled over, hissing as he grabbed his forearm in pain.

Her face immediately fell, her stomach twisting in horror.

No. _No_. Not again, so soon.

He stood, digging around inside his voluminous teaching robes for a moment before Hermione was able to yank his hand back out. She looked up at him, eyes wild, "You can't go, Severus. You need rest… _time_ to recover and if you go back now, they'll kill you!"

Severus gently but firmly removed his wrist from her grasp and took his shrunken robes and mask from the pocket where they had been hidden, "I'll be fine. As soon as I return we can—"

"Please," Hermione begged, hysterics and panic flaring in her chest when he clasped the heavy velvet around his throat. "For the love of fucking Merlin, _please_ don't go."

"I don't have time to argue, Hermione. This is my job and I am the only one who can do it. We can discuss this further when I return."

And with a deafening _CRACK!_ , he Disapparated.

x-x-x

It seemed like an eternity before she heard him return.

But even if her body didn't tingle every time she felt a wash of his magical signature, which it did, Hermione would know his voice if she were dead.

She made it to the door separating the Headmaster's office from his private chambers when she stopped. Severus sounded utterly perplexed, "They're all terrified, Albus. I have never seen anything like it. Some of them have already abandon the cause and even the Dark Lord is nervous about this. What the fuck happened while I was unconscious?"

"I believe," the portrait responded slowly, "that such a question would be better posed to Hermione."

Before she could even make it back to the couch, the door slammed open.

Severus glared at her, "What happened?"

Hermione hesitated, "I…"

"What do you know?" He demanded, eyes narrowed as he advanced on her.

"Severus, I... I had to."

He froze.

"I'm not sorry," she admitted unwaveringly. "If I could, I would do it again."

" _You_ did it," Severus frowned, his dark eyes locked on hers. " _You_ killed them."

Hermione stared back at him, spine straight and tall, "Yes."

She could practically see the gears turning behind his eyes as he attempted to put the pieces together so it all made sense, "I don't understand. Your memories… you only ever killed someone once and I remember the almost crushing guilt that you felt so clearly. You never even tried to find Travers after he cursed you and you miscarried. Why now?"

"I don't think I'm the same person that I was before. It feels like dying and getting another chance at life has given me some much needed perspective."

His brow furrowed, "What do you mean?"

Hermione's eyes flickered down for a moment, "Before… I couldn't seem to justify taking a life on purpose. Even though I'd seen the Death Eaters do terrible things, even though I'd gone in to clean up the aftermath over and over and then lost my son… there was still always hope. There was still always a chance to have another baby, to triumph over the dark and move on and live life." Her expression darkened as she looked back at him. "And then they took my soulmate from me. They stole any semblance of hope that I had left. But Death gave me another chance- he sent me here _here_ , to _you_. And even though we're not… the same as we were; even if things are never like that again for us… you're still the love of my life and I just couldn't let them live after what they did to you."

Severus stalked forwards, forcing her back until the back of her knees hit the couch and she was forced to sit. His glittering obsidian eyes were icy and sharp as he loomed over her, the words slipping from between his clenched teeth, "And what, exactly, did they do to me, Hermione?"

She knew she had backed herself into a corner, that she had to tell him the truth now. His breathing was already harsh and heavy and though he clearly knew that she knew, he was going to make her say it. Oh, he didn't want her to recount what he knew she saw. No… he wanted her to admit _how_ she knew.

The confession felt like a noose, each syllable tightening the knot, "Legilimency."

The fury rolling off of him was palpable as he leaned down, trapping her against the back cushion of the couch with his arms around her shoulders like a cage, "Let me make sure I have this correct." He began, each word so razor sharp as he flung them at her that she actually winced. "You went snooping about inside my mind while I was too injured to stop you and once you saw them—" Severus grit his teeth, eyes burning. "You went after them because you felt _sorry_ for me?"

"No!" She protested. "It wasn't like that at all!"

"Did you cry at what you saw? As you watched them hold me down?" He sneered, pressing himself closer to her. "Did it make you feel _righteous_ when you killed them? Did their blood feel _right_ on your hands?"

Her voice was soft, "Yes."

"It was not your place," he was practically vibrating with his fury. "I am not your husband I don't need your misplaced fucking sympathy."

"You can be as angry at me as you want, if it makes you feel better. But I promise you this," Hermione sat up, her face only a few scant inches from his as she hissed indignantly. "I will kill _anyone_ who hurts you."

"Why?" He demanded harshly, fist gripping her robes as he searched her eyes. " _Tell me why!_ "

"Because I don't give a shit what life we're in," she growled. "I will never let them take you from me again."

Of all the reactions she expected him to have, the one he chose never even crossed her mind.

Severus launched himself at her, the force of it knocking the couch back across the stones several inches as he caught her mouth. One slender hand tangled in her wild curls as the other molded to the shape of her jaw. Hermione whimpered and wound her arms around his neck to pull him closer. As she had done to him before, Severus traced the seam of her lips with his tongue until she allowed him inside with a long groan. He proceeded to taste every inch of her mouth and she could feel her knickers growing damp beneath his weight. She ground her center shamelessly against his thigh, desperate for the pleasure she knew she could find if she caught her clit just right. His hand slid from the curve of her jaw to slip behind her neck and tip her head back, lips trailing from her mouth to her jaw to her throat. Her breath came in harsh pants as he nipped at the sensitive skin behind her ear with his teeth.

"S-Severus… oh Gods," she pulled at his wrist to dislodge his fingers from her hair and move them over the curve of her breast. "Sweet fucking Merlin, love, _touch me_ …"

It was as if her words dumped ice water over him. Severus immediately recoiled, his expression torn between lust and pain, "We can't. I… I shouldn't have… forgive me, I…" He scrambled off the couch and backed towards the door to his office. It wasn't until his back met the door that he spoke again. "I'm not him, Hermione. I can't be."

And just like that, he disappeared again.

Hermione slumped against the couch, clothes disheveled and knickers frustratingly damp. She let out a shaky breath as she pushed her now messy curls back from her face and her eyes lingered on the impression his knee had left in the couch cushion between her thighs.

Holy shit… what was _that_?

x-x-x

 _Hermione didn't even pause as she shattered the front door to splinters._

 _"What the fuck was that?"_

 _A Death Eater, one that she surprisingly did not recognize, came out of the parlor adjoining the front hallway with his wand already poised for a duel. His eyes glossed over when he looked at her and his expression clouded with confusion._

 _Three more Death Eaters- Corban Yaxley, Lucius Malfoy, and Rabastan Lestrange by the looks of it- appeared at the end of the hall all in various states of undress and dishevelment even with their wands drawn as well._

 _Ahhh, so they'd been having a Revel._

 _Perfect- now she knew for certain that Travers and Dolohov would still be here._

 _Hermione could feel her rage simmering to the surface, desperately itching to break free of the fragile cage she had locked it in while she'd healed Severus._

 _"Having fun, gentlemen?" She purred, raw magic winding itself tighter and tighter around her body with each step she took until she was glowing with an eerie blue aura. "I do hope the festivities have been to your liking tonight."_

 _Her deception charm must have been feeding off of the strength of her raw magic because they were all staring at her in confusion and horror, wands falling limply to the floor as they backed away from her._

 _"What the fuck is that thing?" Yaxley croaked, eyes like saucers as he looked at her._

 _"I don't know but I have no intention of finding out," Malfoy summoned his wand and turned, as if to bolt for a room behind them but Hermione's magic was not about to allow that. There was a surge of blue sparks around her that shattered the all of the surrounding windows as well as the various decorative vases and statues that lined the hall._

 _All of the men froze in their tracks._

 _"P-please…" Rabastan stammered in fear. "Just tell us what you want."_

 _Hermione's upper lip curled, "Take me to Travers and Dolohov."_

 _All four Death Eaters immediately nodded in acquiescence and scurried towards the back of the villa. She followed them, her magic sparking off her skin and singeing the walls as the rage began to cloud her mind. Every step brought her closer to them. Every step brought her closer to retribution._

 _They were in this house._

 _They had done it here._

 _Somewhere, in one of these rooms, they had held him down and raped him with the others watched and laughed._

 _They were in this house, enjoying drugs and whores while Severus was healing from what they had done to him._

 _Hermione could almost taste their blood on her tongue._

 _The four men led her down a hidden passageway behind a bookcase that ended in a cavernous basement. The room was brimming with people, the tangy scents of sex and blood heavy in the air around them. There were men fucking whores, some two at a time, and there were whores pleasuring men in each and every way imaginable. Some of the female Death Eaters were sprawled naked on various surfaces- couches and tables mostly- and being pleasured by other women while others were doing horrific things to muggle men, clearly getting off as they did so. Empty alcohol bottles littered the floor and there were needles, powders, and half-lit cigarettes scattered across the tables._

 _The moment Hermione stepped into the room, everyone froze in horror but no one dared to speak._

 _Rabastan stumbled forward to a small group near the back who were being serviced by a pair of young girls who were clearly muggle and clearly drugged out of their minds. One of the girl's noses was bleeding and the other had a black eye that was swollen shut._

 _Hermione magic scorched the floor as she flexed her fingers, growling and baring her teeth like a seriously pissed off lion._

My little lioness…

 _Her heart twisted._

 _Travers and Dolohov were shoved to the floor at her feet and her magic exploded outwards in fury, destroying everything it touched. Everyone in the room either gasped or screamed and made to huddle as close to the wall as they could._

 _She could hear their panicked whispers all around her:_

Wings! She has wings!

Have you ever seen something like that?

She must be an angel.

She's going to kill us all.

What did we do?

There has to be another way out of here.

 _Hermione flicked her hand and the door to the passageway behind her, the only way to leave for any of them, was warded shut. She stalked forward then, visibly vibrating with fury as she gazed down at the two Death Eaters. Travers was cowering in fear with his arms over his head and Dolohov had pissed himself._

 _How fucking pathetic._

 _Much as she didn't want to touch them, Hermione knelt down and yanked Travers' arms from his head, "Look at me."_

 _He remained whimpering into the carpet._

 _"I told you to look at me!" She roared, dragging him to his feet and clenching his scruffy, unshaven jaw in her hand. When he finally looked up, he pissed himself too._

 _What a fucking joke._

 _Hermione threw him back to the floor next to Dolohov and began to circle them like a predator, "Do you know why I'm here?"_

 _They both shook their heads._

 _She stopped behind them where they could not see her, leaning down close to their ears, "Did you enjoy raping him?" She whispered so that only they could hear. "Did it make you feel powerful?"_

 _"P-please…" Dolohov gripped the carpet, knuckles white. "Please. We were just following orders."_

 _"Y-yeah," Travers agreed shakily. "We ain't even into blokes like that. We didn't want to do it but—"_

 _"Is that why you were laughing?" She hissed, fisting her hand in his hair and yanking his neck back so he was forced to look at her. "Is that why it went on for_ so long _? Because you didn't want to do it?"_

 _"P-please," Travers gasped when Hermione wrapped her hand around his throat. "It ain't like that was the first time we ever had to do it to him. He knew it was comin'."_

 _And with that, Hermione snapped._

 _The sound that rose from her throat was probably akin to something you would hear in the bowels of Hell as Satan was escorting you to your final torment. Her raw magic shifted from an oceanic blue to a color so utterly and completely black that it looked unholy. Hermione took out her wand and began slashing in deep, angry arcs across Travers' back, gripping the back of Dolohov's robes as he desperately tried to get away. Blood sprayed across her face and neck as he screamed and begged for mercy._

 _But there would be no mercy here tonight._

 _After administering the same treatment to Dolohov, Hermione loomed over them like the angel of Death, "You will never hurt him again, do you understand me?"_

 _Both men just whimpered their acquiescence and tried to crawl away._

 _She whipped her head around as she snarled, "Malfoy, Lestrange- hold them down."_

 _Neither of them even attempted to argue with her. They both came forward quickly and held the men down on their backs, wringing sobs of agony from them as the open, mutilated flesh was pressed against the beige carpet._

 _Hermione raised her wand._

Crucio.

Sectumsempra.

Reparo.

Reducto.

Crucio.  
Confringo.

Reparo.

Crucio.

Fiendfyre.

Reparo.

Petrificus Totalus.

Diffindo.

Crucio.

Crucio.

Crucio.

Expluso.

 _By the time she was finished, there was nothing left of them but blood and almost the entire room and most of its inhabitants were covered in it._

 _Malfoy and Lestrange looked only seconds from a mental breakdown and the others were either screaming, crying, or shocked into horrified silence._

 _"If I come back," Hermione told them, her voice deathly soft but razor sharp as she looked around the room full of hateful, bigoted murderers, "then this will happen to the rest of you as well."_

 _She could still hear their panicked squabbling as she left the villa- after a well placed_ Imperio _that forced Malfoy and Lestrange to_ Obliviate _and then Apparate the muggles to the closest hospital, of course_. _Merlin, what she wouldn't give to be there when they shook off the spell and realized what they'd done._

 _Once outside, Hermione lifted her head and inhaled deeply, a feeling of serenity washing over her as the reality of what she had just done hit her._

 _Alexander and her husband and…_ this _Severus._

 _Travers and Dolohov could never hurt any of them ever again._

 _She was smiling even as the tears fell._

* * *

 *****Sorry for the confusion- Hermione isn't** _actually_ **an angel. Her deception spell combined with the glowing aura of her raw magic simply confunded everyone into thinking that was what they saw. Also, I apologize for not explicitly stating that she saved the muggles (though I added it now). I thought that was implied.*****


	7. Chapter 7

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: JKR owns Harry Potter, the rest of us are only dabbling.**

 *****You guys keep me going. I'm sooo into this story now. References in this chapter to my companion piece, 'Benediction' and the original 'The Boy From the Eastside'. Also, there are divergences from cannon now, obviously.*****

* * *

"That might not be the wisest choice at the moment."

Hermione stopped halfway to the door that led to the Gargoyle's staircase and sighed, "Albus…"

"Trust me on this, Hermione. He needs time to sort himself out."

She turned to the portrait, "Trust _me_ , Albus. If there is one thing I know about Severus, it's that leaving him to brood only makes things worse. It's better to head it off from the start before he can get too maudlin in his own thoughts."

Her old mentor looked sad, "In any other situation I might actually agree with you, but…" He sighed and looked towards the window on the other side of the room. "Your appearance here has been very taxing on him, mentally and emotionally. Please don't look at me that way, Hermione. You know it to be true, whether you want to admit it or not. Severus, this Severus, has never had someone like you in his life before now and he does not know how to handle it."

Hermione chewed her lip, "I… I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

"Have you shown him your memories?"

She nodded a little, "Most of them."

"And how did he react?"

Though she didn't want to admit it, she sighed, "He was a little… confused? Maybe overwhelmed? I'm not sure exactly how to describe it- he shoved it all away so quickly. We haven't really spoken about it since, not that we had the chance anyway."

"He essentially has two sets of memories now, two sets that are drastically different from each other. Imagine how difficult it must be for him to reconcile the things you've shown him with the unhappy life he has lived for over thirty years. With the things that this Severus has told you, are you terribly surprised that he is reticent to allow you too close?"

"I suppose I hadn't really thought of it like that."

Albus voice was gentle, "Leave him be for a while. Give him time to think about everything and to come to terms with the things you've shown him. As hard as it must be, you simply can't force yourself into his life, Hermione. That will only serve to drive him away."

Her voice was thick with unshed tears, "I can't just switch off how I feel about him, Albus. I've been in love with him for most of my life and—"

"The man that you're hanging onto is dead, Hermione. I'm sorry to be so blunt about it but you refuse to understand. The life you knew is over. This Severus is not your soulmate and he isn't your husband. He is heavily damaged, physically and psychologically, and has been for most of his life. To be perfectly frank with you, I am not even sure if he is capable of loving another person. Not the way you want, anyway. The only person he ever loved turned her back on him and he has never recovered from that. I don't know if he ever will. If you insist on remaining by his side, then I must implore you to respect his limits. Don't badger him with your own emotions; he simply cannot handle it and you will only end up hurting yourself in the end when he cannot give you what you seek. You must give him the space and freedom to make his choices and allow _him_ to decide and if he wants you."

Though she was silent, the tears fell freely as she stared at the portrait.

"It is not my intention to hurt you, Hermione. But I cannot allow you to hurt him, either."

They simply stared at each other for a very, very long time.

"What would you have me do, then?" She asked eventually, though she was still unable to stop herself from crying. "Leave?"

His expression was solemn, "Yes."

The single word was like a blow to her chest, like a _Reducto_ straight to her heart. Hermione could feel the panic already threatening to overtake her at the thought of leaving and him never allowing her back, at the never seeing him again. At living the rest of whatever life she had left in this place without him.

But as much as she hated to admit it, Albus was right. She was confusing him and hurting him by forcing herself into his life this way, and that was something she never wanted.

"Somewhere out there is an eighteen year old version of myself who is running from Death Eaters. Where am I supposed to go that wouldn't cause questions? My home was… was with Severus."

The old man's eyes softened, "My girl, I am not banning you from the castle. You are more than welcome to stay in any of the open guest rooms we have. I am simply suggesting you not stay _here_."

She nodded in resignation, knowing she would do as he asked in the end without a fight, "So I go. But what then?"

"What do you mean?"

Hermione scrubbed her hands over her face, "I mean, what am I supposed to do? Just sit around like there isn't a war going on that Severus is horrifyingly involved in?"

"Given the way you terrified the Death Eaters already, I would be a fool to turn down your help any further."

"Just tell me what to do and I'll do it."

He surveyed her for a long moment as he steepled his fingers beneath his chin, "Tell me more about this deception charm that your Alastor taught you."

x-x-x

The Outer Circle, the less important ones, were first.

Dumbledore had given her all the information he had on possible locations for each of them and, after forcing her to take an oath that she would not kill any of them if it was not explicitly necessary, he sent her on her way.

After getting her settled in her new room, that is- a room far, far from the Headmaster's tower.

Hermione had essentially been turned into a secret bounty hunter for the Order, tasked with rounding up Death Eaters and throwing them in Azkaban which, as she discovered, had recently been recaptured by the Order. She didn't bother asking how; it didn't matter and she didn't care.

All that she wanted was for her mind to be occupied, lest she drive herself insane thinking of Severus.

Albus had impressed upon her the importance of always, _always_ using her deception charm and even blinding the Death Eaters she had with her, if necessary, should her charm fail. Hermione honestly didn't need to be told how crucial it was for no one to actually see who she was. She may be her true age here- a mirror and slightly altered diagnostic charm had confirmed that- but her face was still instantly recognizable as Hermione Granger and she didn't want to get her other self or those with her killed.

And she certainly didn't want to give Voldemort any reason to doubt Severus and therefore, hurt him further.

Though while not off hunting Death Eaters Hermione was meant to stay as far from the Headmaster as possible, Albus had agreed to call upon her should Severus be hurt and need her healing skills again.

Thank Merlin for small favors, she supposed.

So on she went, leaving the castle for days at a time in search of another Death Eater to cross off her depressingly long list. With each subsequent use, her deception charm grew more stable and the need for blinding her captors decreased drastically- though a few were not lucky enough to escape that. Many of the Order members she interacted with at the prison could tell that she was using a deception charm, Moody in particular considering it was of his own design, but she had worked out a way to lock herself into the charm so that only her voice and her wand could remove it so their almost comically conspicuous multitude of ' _Finite_ 's were all in vain.

A few weeks went by like this, with nothing more than eating, sleeping, and hunting the less important Outer Circle to occupy Hermione's waking hours. All told, she really was rather relieved that she had not been called to heal him since the first time, but still…

Severus did not seek her out and so, she could only assume Albus had been correct and that he needed his space from her.

It hurt, but what didn't these days?

And so, on they went.

x-x-x

The resounding clang of the heavy leaden door swinging shut echoed in the dark, damp halls of Azkaban. Well, that at the sound of the Death Eater screaming rather creative obscenities at her.

Eh, whatever.

Hermione removed a piece of worn parchment from her pocket and flicked her hand to cross off the final name that sat at the very bottom of the page, the date and time appearing next to it. He had been the last of the Outer Circle. Albus would be most pleased when he came to the portrait frame in her room for a report this evening. Maybe he'd even start letting her work on those in the Inner Circle now so they could end this fucking war.

She checked her deception charm- still perfectly intact- and made her way back to the little reception area where they handled all prisoner intake now. The moment she crossed into the room, Alastor was bearing down on her.

"Who are you?" He growled, his face just as unfriendly as scraggly as she remembered.

This again? Hermione sighed, "Does it matter?"

"Yes!" He barked, snatching her arm and gripping tight. "We were getting our bloody arses handed to us in this war and then you show up and now, just a few weeks later, we've got the entire fucking Outer Circle locked up! I want to know who you are and why you insist on using _my fucking deception_ charm like a second skin!"

"Alastor…" Remus Lupin started, his voice exhausted as he rubbed his eyes.

"No! This ends now! How do we know we can trust her if we don't even know who she is? How do we know she isn't working with that bastard Snape and just trying to lull us into a false sense of security before unleashing this entire prison- WHICH IS NOW OVERFLOWING WITH DEATH EATERS- to ambush us and take us out all in one fell swoop?"

Nymphadora Tonks piped in then, "That's a little paranoid, even for _you_."

His thick, gnarled fingers dug deeper into her skin, "I'm warning you girl, if you don't show yourself—"

Hermione knew that she was fighting a losing battle. She knew Alastor well enough to know that he was not going to give this up until he got the answers he was looking for and even worse, even if she Obliviated him, his mind had an uncanny knack for bouncing back from it anyway. No matter what, one way or the other, she was going to have to tell him the truth. The question became: did she just tell him, or did she tell everyone here?

Fuck it.

"Let go of me and I'll show you," she sighed in resignation. "But you probably won't be happy with what you find."

He growled something indistinct before releasing her and stepping back. The only others in the reception area, Tonks and Lupin, came to stand behind him with barely concealed curiosity.

With a single wave of her hand, Hermione released the lock on her charm, " _Finite Incantatem_."

All three of them looked, if possible, even more confused than before.

"…Hermione?" Tonks asked hesitantly. "Is that really you?"

She nodded.

Lupin frowned as he surveyed her, "You look different. Older, somehow."

Alastor lunged at her, fisting his jagged fingers in her robes as he yanked her to his face, "You are not Hermione Granger," he snarled, teeth bared. "Who are you really, girl?!"

"If you could give me five minutes without nearly assaulting me, I'd be more than happy to explain."

He didn't let her go so Hermione gave them the briefest explanation she could manage while ensuring they knew enough to satisfy their curiosity.

She did not mention Severus at all.

x-x-x

By the time Hermione made it back to her room, Albus was already in the portrait above her desk.

"He was the last of the Outer Circle," Hermione reported instantly, eager to get the old man out of her room so this day could be over already. "I'm ready to move on the Inner Circle whenever you feel the time's right. Goodnight, Albus."

The portrait chuckled, "Now, now, my girl. Let's not be rude. After all, I did just have to endure quite an interesting earful from a certain one-eyed Auror who is currently presiding over Azkaban."

She grimaced, removing her skin-tight, black outer jacket and throwing it across a somewhat worn armchair, "He told you about that already, huh? Certainly didn't waste any time."

"I'm surprised you told any of them at all. What made you change your mind?"

Hermione's eyes rolled of their own accord, "You know what Alastor is like when he wants to know something- like a fucking dog with a bone. Gods. Honestly, if I ever wanted to leave that awful place, I had to tell them- _show_ them- something."

Albus was quite for a moment, "But you left out quite a large part of the story, don't you think?"

She paused, swallowing, "I thought it best not to complicate the situation any more than it already was. They don't need to know about Severus; there would be too many difficult questions."

"Ah, so it isn't that you're ashamed for them to know?"

Hermione whipped around to glare at the portrait, "Watch it, Albus. You know good and gods damned well that isn't the reason."

At least he had the decency to look embarrassed, "Just had to be sure, my girl. After all, this man is quite different than the one you knew."

"Being different doesn't make him _less_ ," she snapped, "so I'd appreciate it if you'd have a little respect."

"Yes, well," he cleared his throat a little. "I can see that you're upset so it might not be the best time to tell you but… the Headmaster has asked to see you when you returned."

Hermione somehow tensed and deflated at the same time, "He did?"

Albus nodded.

"Is it…" She had to force herself to ask, even if she was absolutely terrified of the answer. "Is it bad? Has he come to a decision?"

The old Headmaster frowned, "Truthfully, I do not know. He has been… exceptionally withdrawn these past few weeks, even without constantly Occluding. If he has decided something, I have no idea what it may be."

Hermione let out a deep breath, "Alright. Would you go and ask the other portraits to leave? Just… just in case."

"That might be for the best," he agreed, stepping towards the edge of the frame before pausing to look at her once more. "Good luck, Hermione. With him, you will most certainly need it."

x-x-x

The gargoyle had not asked her for a password. He simply leapt to the side the moment she came into view.

Her pulse quickened.

The higher she climbed, the closer the stairs brought her to the Headmaster's office, the more she felt like an anxiety attack was imminent. Had he finally come to a decision? Would he let her stay or would he ask her to leave the castle entirely? Would he even _want_ her to stay if did let her? She hadn't seen or spoken to him since the night he kissed her, even though it was exceptionally difficult with only a few floors of stone between them. It had been twenty years since she'd been this closed off from him, and even then that time had been her choice.

What if he didn't want her?

Hermione stopped, one foot on the step in front of her, and let out a harsh breath as that thought hit her. What if he decided that he was better off on his own? That she was a nuisance and couldn't be bothered with her? He could remove the memories she had shown him with either a pensieve or a well-placed _Obliviate_. He didn't have to know that there had been another life for him if he truly didn't want to.

But she was trapped with the knowledge of what she had lost.

Hermione felt sick and had to press her fist to her mouth as she slumped against the cool stone wall.

For the last few weeks, the weeks that she had spent keeping herself so busy she never had a spared moment to think, Hermione had come to the realization that if she had something to occupy her, something to consume her thoughts and her time, she could survive. It wasn't ideal and it wasn't really living, but it worked well enough. Only now did she realize that, with her help, the war would be over very soon and then… well, then what? If Severus decided he didn't want her, _couldn't_ want her, then what would she do?

There was honestly no answer.

After explaining that she was from another world where things were almost radically different, Tonks had asked the question that Hermione had been studiously avoiding since she arrived:

What kind of future could she possibly have here with another, younger Hermione running around?

With Severus, it seemed possible. They would probably have to move far, far away from here- somewhere on the other side of the globe presumably to avoid inviting questions. But even then, everyone knew who he was. Even if they ran away, they would probably still have to hide more often than not.

Did he want that? Could he do that?

Hermione almost laughed at her own absurdity. He'd actually have to give a shit about her before they could even start to think of anything in that direction.

He would actually have to _want_ her first.

She slid down the wall until she was crouched almost to the stone, trembling hands scrubbing nervously at her face.

Shit.

x-x-x

It was a very, very long time before Hermione made it up the remaining four stairs to enter his office.

And there he was.

Her heart stumbled in her chest.

Severus looked up from the parchment he was writing on, eyes cool and guarded as he assessed her, "Something terribly interesting out there on the stairs?"

She flushed. So he knew.

"No matter," he said, waving his hand to tidy his desk before moving to the door of his private chambers. "Shall we?"

It was bad. Hermione's breathing grew quick and heavy; her palms dampening with sweat and stomach roiling with nausea. He had chosen and it was bad.

Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_.

She didn't move from her place in the doorway, she physically couldn't. If she stepped into his rooms again and he told her that he didn't…

If she had to sit across from him and watch as he told her he was _so sorry_ but he couldn't…

If she had to watch him reject her with a blank expression and empty eyes…

If she had to see his expression soften with pity…

If she had to turn away from him, knowing it would be the last time…

There was just no way she would survive it.

"Tell me," Hermione pleaded. "Just tell me so I can go."

"Go?" He seemed genuinely surprised. "I'm not going to ask you to leave, Hermione. Why don't you come in and we can discuss—"

"You've already decided," she took a step back. "I can see it in your eyes."

"Hermione," he said gently, expression softening a fraction. "Just come in. You're getting yourself all worked up and I assure you, it isn't necessary."

"If you can't… please, just tell me Severus."

Thanks to the ridiculous length of his slender legs, it only took a few seconds for him to cross the room. He stood directly in front of her, gazing down into her panic-stricken eyes, "Please do not put words in my mouth," he breathed the words as delicately as possibly, slowly taking one of her hands and uncurling the fingers until he held it in his. "Come in and listen to what I have to say. I promise, you will not regret it."

Her self-preservation instincts were screaming at her, telling her to cut her losses and get the fuck out of there before he could put the final nail in the coffin that threatened to close around her heart. But he was holding her hand and staring at her like _that_ , so she promptly told those instincts to go fuck themselves as she allowed him to lead her into his private chambers.

Severus deposited her on the couch where he had kissed her and took a seat on the cushion beside her, turning so he could look at her. "The past few weeks have been… exceptionally difficult for me," he began hesitantly, brows pulling together. "I was not prepared for how much I would… miss you. It was disconcerting, to put it mildly."

Hermione's eyes widened, "You…?"

He held up a hand to stop her, "Please. There are things I wish to say before you respond."

She gave a small nod.

"It has been incredibly confusing, having two sets of memories, having two different lives warring in my mind," he continued, never looking away from her. "I've been trying to use Occlumency to compartmentalize the memories you've shown me of the life you came from, but I can't. It's impossible. Each time I try… it's like my mind rebels against it. Like it doesn't want to have the memories shoved into a box where I can hide them away. It was to remember. It wants to _know_ what we were like. I thought if I could separate the two lives that I could send you away and things would go back to being as they always had been." When she visibly tensed and tried to back away, Severus gripped her shoulders. "Listen to me! I'm _not_ sending you away. I _can't_. Do you understand me? It's too late for that now; I think it was too late the moment you kissed me for the first time, back at the house. Something changed then; I don't know what it was or how I even know that anything changed at all, but it did. I tried to remove the memories you showed me with a pensieve and do you know what happened?"

Hermione shook her head, just barely, still afraid to do so much as breathe.

Severus leaned forward, his deep obsidian eyes roving her face as his fingers traced her jaw, "I still remembered you. I could still _see_ everything in my mind, as if I had been there. Removing the things you gave me didn't make a single difference."

She couldn't move. All she could do was stare at him with wide, tear-filled eyes as he studied her face.

"I remember meeting you when I was twelve," he said softly, the firelight warming his pale skin and burning in his eyes. "I remember the Yule Ball and how fucking beautiful you looked."

Hermione choked on a sob.

"I remember what Lily did in the library. I remember you tried to cut your tattoo out."

She closed her eyes, tears slipping from behind her lids.

He traced her features from hairline to chin, as if trying to memorize the feel of her skin, "I remember the Prefects' bath and graduation."

Hermione's fingers curled into fists on her lap.

He leaned closer, "I remember marrying you and that you were thinking things that would make a whore blush."

She reached out to grip his knee.

"I remember Alexander."

"Stop," she begged hoarsely through her tears. "Please, stop."

"I remember everything, Hermione. Even without your memories now, I have no trouble remembering. But the emotion is trapped somewhere and I just can't _feel_ them," Severus lifted her chin with his fingers, catching her watery gaze. "I need you to help me feel them again."

"I don't know how," Hermione choked, fingers tightening around his thigh in a desperate attempt to ground herself. "I don't know how to fix that."

"I think I might," Severus, ever so slowly, slipped his hand from her face to the curve behind her neck and pulled her to him, pressing his lips against hers. He quickly brought both hands to cup her cheeks, his thumbs swiping at the tear tracks there in gentle strokes. "Something about touching you…" He nudged her cheek with his aquiline nose until she couldn't help but crack a soft grin. "Something about being with you like this…" His hands dragged down her body until they stopped to rest on the dip her waist, his fingers flexing against the sensitive flesh. "…Helps me remember what it all felt like."

Her words were shaky and hoarse, "Tell me how to help. Tell me what you need from me."

Severus dipped his head until his mouth was pressed against her neck, the silky ravens-wing hair tickling the hyper-sensitized skin of her chest. "I think," his tongue flickered to lavish attention on the pulse point that was thrumming like hummingbird's wings and she gasped, head lolling back, "you can answer that question for yourself, Hermione."

His thumbs rubbed, back and forth, just beneath the curve under her breasts and she let out a harsh breath, "Is… is this helping?"

He paused, his warm breath causing goosebumps on her neck, "I think so. The longer I…" He stilled again for a moment. "Yes. Certain memories are clearer and I can feel them again. But only a few."

"Do you think…" She stifled a whimper as his teeth caught her ear and tugged gently. "Do you think we need… more?"

"Yes," he admitted quietly, head slumping against her shoulder. "I think that might bring it all back but…"

"But what?"

Severus sat up, sharp cheeks stained pink as he rubbed the back his neck awkwardly, "I… I have already exhausted my admittedly minimal knowledge on the subject."

She frowned, trying to understand what he was saying from under the tangle of relief and lust clouding her brain, "I don't understand what you mean."

"Hermione, I… I haven't…I mean, I remember you and I but otherwise…"

And like that it clicked. Hermione cut him off with her fingers against his lips, "It doesn't matter. We can figure it out together like we did before."

"I want to know what they felt like," Severus breathed, gripping her wrist and bringing it to his mouth. "Even the memories that hurt. I want them all, Hermione. I want _you_."

"Severus…" Hermione couldn't help but smile and tap her fingertips against his cheek until he looked up. "Tell me what it will take. Tell me how."

Finally he let his Occlumency shields drop entirely and there was nothing but the warmth in his onyx gaze as he said, "I told you once that I always wanted us to remember that first night, to remember the way we felt- didn't I?"

She had to push the tears back, "You did."

The next words came out rather garbled as he spoke them directly into her mouth but she still understood, "Then help me to remember it."

Her hands were already pushing off his outer robes, "How big is the bath in your room?"

He smirked, one brow raised even as he slid his tongue across hers, "More than big enough, I think."


	8. Chapter 8

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter, no matter how much we all wish we could own it too.**

 *****Sorry for the delay. You know the drill- 2 kids, graduate school, Christmas, full-time job. I just couldn't find time until now.*****

 ******References and allusions to my other work, 'Benediction' in this chapter. Lemony lemony, delicious lemons in this chapter; please be kind and review. You keep me going!*****

* * *

The Headmaster's bathroom was dark with only the moon illuminating the cool stones beneath its shimmering beams. Severus made to reach for his wand in his robes to light the sconces on the walls but Hermione stayed his hand, shaking her head minutely.

Her voice was barely above a whisper, "Like before."

Without tearing his gaze from hers, Severus slid the wand from his robes and wordlessly conjured a multitude of floating faerie lights to hover below the high ceiling, casting the room in a warm, sensuous glow that threw golden flickers across his often colorless skin. His wand flicked towards the ridiculously large, opulent bath and it slowly filled with steaming water. One thick, black brow lifted in question and the corner or her mouth quirked up in acquiescence; moments later, with one final flick of his dark wand, the entire floor of the bathroom was covered in fragrant crimson rose petals.

Hermione stepped forward, tugging his wand from his hand and dropping it carelessly to clatter against the floor stones. She saw his prominent Adam's apple bob as he swallowed nervously when her fingers reached his hands and brought them up to rest against the bottom of her form-fitting black t-shirt.

"Like before," she repeated softly.

His hands trembled but he managed to give her a shaky nod. Long, elegant fingers began to pull at her tight clothing and she had to bite down on her lip to remind herself to breathe. She felt his hands against the warm skin of her abdomen and her eyes slipped closed in utter bliss; Gods above, how she had missed his touch. Severus tugged at the fabric as it neared her chest to get her attention and she allowed him to pull it up and over her head. There was a sound of fabric hitting the floor for a brief moment before she felt his lips against her neck, pausing against her thrumming pulse-point to nip and lick affectionately. This Severus was much more hesitant and shy, less assertive in his attentions than her husband had been, but Hermione found herself nearly whimpering all the same. His fingertips danced across the tight skin of her back as his lips made the agonizingly slow journey to her mouth. She titled her head back when he finally, _finally_ made it there and let out a deep sigh- straight from the depths of her soul- as his mouth covered hers. Without breaking the kiss, Severus shakily undid the button and slid down the zipper on her tight, black pants.

He paused for a moment, pulling back so he could see her face in its entirety, "I…"

"It's okay," she breathed, moving his hands to the waist of her pants and Severus blushed furiously before burying his face against her shoulder as he moved the fabric down, pressing soft kisses against her collarbone… her chest… her stomach… the top of her thigh…

Severus looked up at her from his kneeling position on the floor, eyes scorching in their intensity as he licked his lips, "Hermione, you… you smell so…"

She gripped his shoulders, fingers tightening as she let out a breathless chuckle, "It seems that no matter what life we're in, I can't escape your gods damned anticipation fetish."

His answering grin was wolfish as he began to kiss back up her body, fingers deftly unhooking the clasp on her back and dragging the constricting fabric from her chest. When his lips met her ear, his husky voice sounded stronger, "Everyone knows that a proper potion must be allowed to… _simmer_ for the proper amount of time. Isn't that right, Miss Granger?"

Hermione shivered but nodded furiously, "Absolutely, sir."

His fingers flexed against her ribs for a second before stepping back and slowly removing his billowing outer robes and frock coat, obsidian eyes roving hungrily over her almost naked form as she watched him undress just as raptly. Severus was about to start on his white button-down when Hermione lunged forward and tore the fabric open herself, buttons scatting across the stone around them. He let out a low chuckle, "Impatient, are we?"

She did not respond, instead focusing her now trembling fingers on the placket of his trousers. Once they were undone, Hermione pushed them down, nearly growling at him when he didn't remove them fast enough. In another instant, her knickers were also thrown somewhere behind her and she was tugging him towards the carved stone bath that was at least twice the size of the Prefects' bath they had used the first time.

They stopped at the edge of the bath, both of their breathing heavy as they drank each other in.

His cheeks were flushed and his voice was gravelly as he tentatively touched the soft skin in the valley between her breasts, "Fucking Christ, Hermione. You are… _exquisite_."

Her breath caught but she managed to recover some of her usual cheek, "Then perhaps… you should… pay tribute…"

Severus chuckled, lifting her by the waist and placing her thigh-deep in the steaming water, "Goddess, indeed. And just as demanding as one, as well."

She sank below the water as he followed close behind, pulling her onto his lap once he was seated comfortably on one of the steps near the edge. Hermione grit her teeth, head falling limply against his shoulder, when she felt his erection, like steel, against her pulsing core. "Fucking hell, Severus. Shut _up_ and just…"

"Of course I _could_ …" He purred in that sinful baritone, tipping her head back and nuzzling at her breasts like a kitten. His tongue flicked against her nipple- once, twice, three times, making her groan low in her throat- before she could feel the smile against her skin. "But I seem to remember you like it when I talk. I seem to remember some rather creative fantasies involving nothing more than my voice…"

"For the love of all that is holy, _please—_ "

Just like before, Severus lifted her onto the wide rim of the bath- even wider in his quarters- and nudged her knees far enough apart that his shoulders fit between them while pushing her to lay back. "I remember doing this," he said quietly, dragging his nose across the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. "But I can't remember how you taste."

Hermione whimpered.

He moved closer until she could feel his breath ghosting across her sex, "I don't… I mean… just tell me if I'm not…"

Without waiting for him to finish, she gripped his hair and shoved rather unceremoniously him right up against her, exactly where she wanted him. Immediately her eyes rolled back and her back arched up off the stone; he may not have any practical knowledge himself but fucking _shit_ , his tongue had quite fantastic muscle memory. His tongue lapped in broad strokes across her dripping core and swirled across her nub like he was born to do it. Hermione's bottom lip was torn to shreds so she moaned into the cavernous bathroom like her life depended on it. With each subsequent sound she made, Severus became more confident and sure in his movements. When he added his fingers, she thought she was going to pass out right then and there.

"I once compared your taste to Heaven," Severus breathed, his fingers studiously pumping in and out of her as she shuddered. "I was wrong. Whatever this is, whatever _you_ are, it's so much better than that."

Tears pricked at her eyes and her fists clenched.

"You are _life_ ," he moved above her, resting on one arm so his other hand could remain otherwise occupied within her. "You are _hope_."

She felt his lips against hers, the pads of his fingers against her clit, and a few tears slipped down towards her hair.

"You _are_ love."

Her eyes snapped open to see him just as he pushed her over the edge and she cried out into his mouth, trembling against him and riding out her orgasm against his hand. Even Hermione's legs were shaking once she came down, but she was determined to have what she wanted as well. She tried to wind her leg around his in order to flip him over like she had before but he was better prepared this time. Severus' eyes were soft as he, instead, pulled her back into the hot water and situated them on a very low step that only left the upper part of his chest visible.

"I wanted to…"

Severus stopped her by pulling a hardened nipple into his mouth and suckling, hard then soft. "I know," his eyes flicked up to hers. "But I can wait for that. What I cannot wait for is _you_."

Hermione's heart twisted in her chest at the look in his eyes. Her voice was barely audible as she cupped his cheek, eyes stinging with tears again, "Severus…"

He leaned back against the wall, pulling her onto his lap against his eager erection. His eyes were soft and vulnerable and his voice cracked as he spoke, "Make love to me; show me what we are. Please, Hermione. I need you."

Something between and moan and a sob escaped her throat and she sank herself onto him in one slow, tantalizing motion. Hermione wound her fingers into the hair at the base of his neck and she let her forehead fall against his. "So perfect," she gasped once he was buried to the hilt inside her. Just as before, there no pain or search for comfort- they simply fit like two puzzle pieces; like they were two halves of one whole.

"Made for each other," Severus said in absolute awe, eyes slipping shut. "Always meant to be."

Her tears dripped onto his chest as she nodded, grip on his hair tightening. She started to move against him slowly, "I will always come for you, Severus. In any world, in any time, in any life. It doesn't matter who or what I have to fight to get to you, I _will_."

His dark eyes opened and he cupped her face, "I would have sold my s-soul… _nghh_ … to the darkest demons… _ahhh, fuck_ … if it meant having you here with m-me… _oh Gods yes,_ just like that my brilliant lioness…"

"I'm here," Hermione gasped, legs wrapping around his waist. "I'm here now and I will always be here and that is all that matters."

" _Mine_ ," Severus growled and snapped his hips furiously up to meet hers. His arms twined around her back possessively. "My Hermione… my lioness… my _wife_ …"

Inside, Hermione was in turmoil. Physically, she was on the precipice of the greatest pleasure- the kind she thought would be lost to them both forever and she intended to chase it relentlessly until it crashed over them both and Severus, this Severus, embedded himself into her very cells and altered her physiology so that no one would ever again be able to tell where he ended and she began. Emotionally, she felt like her heart was being torn to shreds. She loved him so much, knew she always would, and the things he was saying… she wanted to believe them more than she wanted air, or her first wand, or to do well on her NEWTs, or her job at Hogwarts, or even their old life. She wanted him, in any way and any form, but she wanted _all_ of him. Albus had expressed his genuine concern about Severus' capacity for love for anyone other than Lily and at the time, Hermione had simply brushed it off- after all, she'd had more pressing concerns on her mind. But now, wrapped around his body and laying herself bare to him in the most primal way, she found that it mattered very, very much. She needed to know. She _had to know._

"Severus…" Hermione could feel her resolve crumbling with each movement of their hips, with each sinful sound or caramel-coated curse that slipped past his lips, but she had to know. She had to know if there would ever be a chance for him to love her. Even if he didn't now, that was fine. She just needed to know it could happen someday. She just needed to know that he was not forever lost to Lily. "Severus, I…"

Before she could get the words out, the pleasure she'd been seeking had found her and wave after wave of blinding, shimmering pleasure burst across her psyche— electrifying her nerve-endings and scorching him into her forever and ever and ever. He buried his face in her shoulder and bit down to stifle his deep groans as her body tightened around his cock Moments later he followed after her, throwing his silky head back against the wall as he chanted her name over and over like it was a prayer to the Gods.

" _Hermione_ … _Hermione_ … oh _Gods_ , my sweet girl, _yes_ …"

As they both came down from the high, respective bodies wracked with trembles, her brain was still sizzling and trying (or rather, failing) to get another firm grip on reality when he looked up at her. Hermione's eyes met his, saw the aching familiarity there, and the breath caught in her throat as tears gathered in her eyes.

"My love," Severus crooned gently, brushing a lock of wet hair back from her slick skin. "Why on earth are you crying?"

"Don't," she begged desperately. "Please. Don't call me that if you don't mean it."

He did not smile, but his expression was soft- thumb brushing her bottom lip, "Foolish girl. How could I not? I have loved you for a very, very long time."

Sobs ripped from deep within her chest as she threw her arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder, "It worked _We did it_. You're back. You came back to me."

His chuckle was delicate as he returned her eager embrace, "Your confidence in me is as unshakable as ever, I see."

His cheek was lost on her, "You're back. You remember. You feel. You know. You're _back_. My husband. My _Severus_."

"My Goddess," Severus pressed his lips to her temple with each sentiment. "My love. My wife."

x-x-x

Hermione slid from the plush mattress and silk sheets as quietly as she could, though she hardly needed to worry. This Severus may be a paranoid spy, but he was still a man and she had quite thoroughly worn him out over the course of the evening. She pulled on her _scourgified_ knickers and tight black pants, replacing her bra quickly and tugging her black shirt over it. After slipping back into her black shoes and ensuring her wand was in her pocket, she crept from the bedroom where Severus was soundly snoring down to the Headmaster's office. Unsurprisingly, Albus' portrait was awake and already watching her approach with that distinctly annoying twinkle in his eyes.

"Good news, I take it?"

She rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop herself from grinning, "You could say that."

The old man chuckled, "Why my dear, you look like the cat who ate the canary. I am most pleased to see that your panicked assumptions a few hours prior were mistaken."

"As am I," she agreed, turning away from the portrait for a moment. "Rink?"

A tiny, weathered house-elf appeared instantly, clad in makeshift powder blue dress that brushed the floor. She bobbed her head and large ears eagerly, "How can Rink serve Miss?"

Hermione crouched down, smiling, "Would you please go to my rooms and bring me my black jacket? It should be on the chair near the window."

The house-elf smiled widely, "Yes of course, Miss! Rink will be back most urgently!" And with one snap of her bony fingers, she was gone.

Albus' voice was not nearly as congenial now, "Where are you going this time, Hermione?"

She turned back to the portrait, eyes like hardened cinnamon, "Give me the names of the Inner Circle. Last names should do fine."

"This is not the right time, my girl."

Hermione advanced on the portrait, wand drawn, "I am going to ask you one more time, Albus. _Please_ give me the names of the Inner Circle. Now."

He surveyed her for a moment, "Why?"

"You know why."  
"I would like to hear you say it, if you don't mind."

Her eyes narrowed, "I have no intention of letting him get hurt any further. It's time for this war to end."

Albus sighed, rubbing his forehead, "Hermione, even if you manage to get the entire Inner Circle, the Death Eaters still have a foothold in the Ministry. They haven't completely taken over yet, but it will happen soon. Should you completely isolate Tom, he may become reckless and…"

"What needs to be done to defeat him? For good?"

The old Headmaster looked conflicted.

"Tell me or I Vanish your portrait _permanently_."

His voice was low, "Even Severus does not know this information. You must promise to keep it from him."

She pressed the tip of her wand into the painted canvas and the old man winced, "I will tell him if I deem it necessary. Now tell me or I'll just start asking questions at Malfoy Manor and work my way around. I'm sure I can—"

"Alright, alright," Albus raised his hands to placate her. "I do not think this is a wise course of action but I can see that you will not be dissuaded. Grab a piece of parchment and a quill."

She complied.

"For the Death Eaters, you have already taken care of Dolohov and Travers," and he began rattling off the remaining names of the Inner Circle, stroking his beard. When he was finished, he let out a deep breath. "As for defeating Tom, he has created quite a few Horcruxes that must be destroyed before—"

Hermione gasped in horror, "Horcruxes? As in _more than one_? Merlin have mercy, Albus!"

The Headmaster nodded gravely, "I wish I were lying, but it is most unfortunately true. There are seven; two have already been destroyed and one is currently with the 18 year-old you who is travelling with Harry Potter and Ron Weasley- which I imagine they will be disposing of shortly. Save for that, there is only a goblet, a diadem, a snake, and…"

Hermione looked up from the parchment, "And?"

He looked genuinely distressed, "And Harry Potter himself."

"Shit," she hissed, fist tightening around the quill even as she wrote it down. "I don't even want to know how that happened, though I have an idea. Is there… is there no way to destroy just the horcrux without killing him too?"

"I truly do not know. This is the first time anything like this has ever happened."

Hermione felt a leaden weight in her stomach, thinking of sweet, bespectacled Harry Potter who she and Severus had taught for many years. James and Lily were so proud of their son and though she and Lily had never repaired their relationship back to what it had been before, Hermione had always been a loyal friend to James. She had attended birthday parties and christenings for the boy at James' request- though Severus never accompanied her (not that she blamed him). Perhaps this was why Death had spared Harry Potter in her old life? Perhaps there had been horcruxes there, too? If that was the case, then it was fairly obvious that she and Severus had died for nothing- the Final Battle would not have determined anything if Tom Riddle couldn't be killed anyway. After all, what were the chances that anyone had destroyed them before? The sinking feeling in her stomach told her the chances were slim to none. It also told her that the Albus she knew before probably knew all of this too and yet, let the Order fight and die anyway.

But that was all gone now so it shouldn't matter.

Shouldn't, not _didn't_.

Hermione straightened her shoulders, "I'll do what I can to separate him from the horcux. There are a few Dark spells I can try."

"That would be much appreciated, my girl. The boy has already had a hard enough life."

She bent down to retrieve Eileen Snape's necklace from the dusty box in the bottom drawer of Severus' desk, clasping it around her throat and tucking it into her shirt. Rink _popped!_ back into the room then with her black jacket and wand harness in hand, holding them out for her to take.

Hermione smiled warmly at the house-elf, taking the items and donning them appropriately, "Well aren't you an astute one? Thank you very much, Rink. I forgot to ask for my wand harness. How did you know I'd need it tonight?"

Rink's large, glassy eyes held hers without falter, "Miss always needs it when she fights for Master Severus and Miss only wears the black jacket when she goes to fight."

She appraised the tiny elf with gentle eyes, "And is it okay for me to fight for Master Severus, Rink?"

"Most certainly, Miss," Rink nodded enthusiastically. "Someone should."

She took one small, bony hand in hers, "I agree, Rink. I really, really do. Albus?" Hermione turned her head to the portrait. "If Severus awakens while I'm gone, tell him I'll be back shortly."

"Nothing else?" He asked. "No details?"

Her words could just be made out over the loud _CRACK!_ of Apparition, "No details."

x-x-x

" _Morsmordre Replicare_."

After waving her wand across her body in an intricate, complicated pattern, the deception charm fell and locked into place like tentacles winding around her limbs. She slid the vinewood into the harness on her arm before gliding through the beautiful, wrought-iron gates of Malfoy Manor as if they were made of smoke. The wards on this place were pathetically easy to fool- as long as she had a Dark Mark, nothing would register as being wrong. It was almost enough for her to feel sorry for them.

Almost.

She blasted open the hand-carved ivory double doors with a wave of her hand, crossing the threshold before the splinters even stopped falling around her. There was no doubt that she'd be in Hell later when trying to remove the shattered slits of wood from her wild curls, but right now that was the last thing on her mind. An uncharacteristically disheveled looking Narcissa Malfoy came barreling into the entry, her icy blue eyes wide with horror as she looked upon Hermione.

"Y-you…" She gasped, stumbling back. Her aristocratic son, Draco Malfoy, who Hermione recognized from some of the classes she had taught him in, appeared just long enough for his mother to step in front of him protectively. "W-what do you want?"

At first, Hermione did not respond to Narcissa. Instead, she looked to Draco, "Why did you take the Mark?"

His steely gray eyes were, too, wide with terror as he returned her gaze, "I…"

"Please!" Narcissa begged, voice trembling. "Please, leave us be! He didn't mean it! He didn't _know—_ "

"Draco," Hermione continued, ignoring his near-hysterical mother, "I need to hear it from you; the absolute _truth_. Why?"

"I had no choice," he said in a small but horrified voice. "My father failed and I… if I didn't, he was going to kill my parents and then me. I didn't want—"

"And you don't believe that Muggleborns are…?"

"No!" Draco shook his head vehemently. "I wouldn't… want to marry one but I don't think they should be… I don't think we should…"

Hermione nodded slowly, removing her wand. Their eyes widened even further and she could see Draco's knuckles go white around his mother's arm. She cancelled her locking charm and removed the deception spell from herself. The moment it dropped, they gasped.

" _Granger_?!" Draco seemed even more confused. "But… but _how_?! You look…"

She came to stand in front of them, gently moving the stunned Narcissa aside to grab Draco's left arm, "I _am_ older. The Hermione you know is still out there somewhere with her friends. I am not her."

He was so shocked he didn't even pull his arm from her grasp when she lifted his sleeve to reveal his revolting tattoo, "But… how is that possible?"

Hermione looked up at him, "I'm from another place."

"There are no Time-Turner's left," Narcissa said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"No, there aren't," she agreed, brandishing a sharp knife whose blade resembled thin, pearlescent glass. "And even so, I did not use one to get here. I come from another life altogether."

Noticing the knife, Draco desperately tried to yank his arm back but she held it firm, "What are you doing with that?! That's a _cursed_ _knife_!"

Her fingers tightened around his wrist, eyes hard as she met his, "Do you want to remain a Death Eater? Forever?"

His terrified gaze flicked between Hermione and his mother for a brief moment before he softly shook his head.

"Then let me remove it."

Narcissa's hands trembled as she wrapped an arm around her son's shoulders, moving closer, "You can do that?"  
Hermione nodded, "This knife is magical, but it isn't cursed. It's imbued with holy magic."

The Malfoy woman gasped, "But that's impossible! Divine magic is a myth!"

"It isn't, I assure you. The magic, however, can only ever be used once."

Memories assaulted her, even as she struggled to breathe them away.

 _"Happy Birthday, my love."_

 _Hermione smiled, biting her bottom lip in anticipation and taking the beautifully wrapped rectangular package from her husband's hands as he smiled warmly across the table at her._

 _"My attempt at a cake may be a disaster," he grimaced at the rather atrocious looking pinkish lump in the middle of the table, "but I hope that this will make up for my appalling lack of baking skill."_

 _She stifled a grin, "It's actually nice to know that there isn't something you're better than me at, for once."_

 _"Oh shut up and open your gift before I change my mind and keep it for myself."_

 _The paper tore easily under her fingers, "Ooooh, it must be a good one for you to be coveting—"_

 _Hermione stared down at the book in her hands with unconcealed awe and shock._

 _"Do you… do you like it?" Severus asked rather sheepishly._

 _Slowly, her eyes raised from the white and gold gilded book to find him watching her warily, "How on earth did you find something so rare?"_

 _A beautiful blush stained his sharp cheeks and he cleared his throat, "I have my ways."_

 _"Severus," Hermione breathed, fingers caressing the cover reverently. "I can't accept something like this. It's… it's… I am not even remotely worthy of this book."_

 _He reached across the table to take one of her hands in his, "You, wife, are the most worthy person I can possibly imagine."_

 _Mouth still agape, she flipped through the sacred text quickly, eyes scanning the pages to ascertain just what kind of magic could be gleaned from such a holy book. When her eyes caught a certain word in one of the later chapters, she stopped and looked up at her husband in even more shock._

 _"Creation magic?"_

 _"We have been trying for years after Alexander…" He cleared his throat, fingers tightening around hers to steady himself. "I thought we could use a little Divine intervention."_

 _Her eyes filled with tears, "You managed to find and procure one of the most rare, sacred magical books in the entire Wizarding world… to have a baby with me?"_

 _He managed to catch the tear before it made it down his cheek, "There is nothing in this world that I want more, my love."_

 _Hermione gently set the book on the table and launched herself at him._

 _The book sat, undisturbed, as they made love on the kitchen floor- the calendar on the wall marking the date as September of 1997._

Narcissa's shocked voice brought Hermione back to the present, "How on earth did you—"

"My husband," she said quickly, lowering her head under the guise of assessing Draco's arm. "He brought me the book to help us conceive."

"And instead, you used something so precious on a knife?"

Hermione looked up once more, "At the time, as there was much Dark Magic being used, it was the most prudent decision. Now, I'm glad I did it. It's the only thing other than my clothes and my wand that managed to come to this time with me since it was in my pocket when I… when I left."

Truth be told, she had not noticed the knife with her at first. She was much too wrapped up in the fact that they had died and that this Severus had not known who she was. It wasn't until she started hunting down the Outer Circle, when Severus had needed his space from her, that she even remembered she had it with her and even then she hadn't used it. Why would she have? It was only meant for breaking Dark Magic and none of the Death Eaters she had met so far were worthy of it.

As so, she looked back to Draco.

"If I remove your mark, you and Narcissa have to get out of the country. I don't care where you go, but if you stay here, either the Order or your master will kill you both. Do you understand me?"

Draco nodded but Narcissa whispered, "What of Lucius?"

Hermione's expression saddened at the tears in the older woman's eyes, "I understand more than most how much it hurts to lose a husband but… I can't let him go. He's in this too deep. He isn't like Draco. He made this choice on purpose. I'm so sorry."

The two blonde Malfoy's looked at each other for a long moment before Draco turned back to Hermione, eyes hard as flint, "Do it."

Quick as lightening, Hermione pressed her palm to his eyes, " _Stupefy_."

Narcissa caught him before he hit the floor and in five quick, precise slices, there was nothing left of his Dark Mark but a charred hunk of sizzling flesh on the marble floor. His skin never even bled, thanks to the Divine properties of the knife.

Hermione stowed the knife back in her pocket, " _Rennervate_ him and get the hell out of the country as quick as you can. It won't be long before his master realizes something is wrong."

Just as she went to stand and replace her charms, Narcissa caught her arm, eyes glistening, "Thank you, Miss Granger. I can never thank you for what you're doing for us. You've saved us, when you certainly didn't have to. And using something so precious on my son…"

She met the older woman's gaze, "I lost my son many years ago and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Please take care of him, Narcissa. He isn't a bad person, he just needs some guidance. Be alive to give it to him."

The older woman was openly weeping as she nodded, releasing Hermione's wrist and taking out her wand to bring Draco back to consciousness. She waited for the pair to Apparate away before replacing her charms and leaving the manor, Apparating herself as soon as she was past the wards that prevented anyone other than a Malfoy from doing so.

When her feet touched solid ground again, she had her wand clasped tightly in her fist- all emotion shut tightly behind her steely Occlumency walls.

Three Death Eaters from the Inner Circle had been dealt with- four if you counted her plans for removing Severus' Dark Mark soon.

Now, it was time for the next one.

None of these would be making it to Azkaban.


	9. Chapter 9

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K. Rowling owns all things Harry Potter.**

 *****You may not care for my somewhat soft characterization of Lucius but understand that I always tend to write him this way; it's just the way I see him. Please review and let me know what you think!*****

* * *

Her dusky cinnamon eyes assessed the dilapidated property in front of her. _This_ shithole was home to some of Voldemort's most illustrious Death Eaters? She found herself rather disappointed. Where was the grandeur? The pomp and frills? Weren't those in the Inner Circle prone to such things? She seemed to remember the Lestrange's always bragging about how much money they had. If that was indeed the case, why didn't they live more like the Malfoy's?

She was starting to think that most of the braggadocio had been bullshit. That certainly made her feel slightly better.

Hermione didn't make it three steps forward before someone tried to kill her.

A voice came from the darkness behind her, "Hermione?"

"Fucking hell!" She gasped, hand clutched to her heart as if it could prevent the cardiac arrest that was certainly oncoming. With a quick turn on her heel, Hermione came face to face with a surprised looking metamorphmagus. "Tonks? Merlin have mercy, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing here?"

Tonks' violently pink brow raised, "I could ask you the same thing. No one said anything about moving on the Inner Circle yet. Did I miss another meeting or something?"

Hermione canceled her deception charm with a flick of her wand before re-sheathing it on her arm, "No… not exactly."

"Ah," she nodded slowly. "Decided to move on your own, then?"

"Something like that."

"I'd be willing to bet Albus wasn't too thrilled with _that_ particular decision."

Her eyes rolled so hard it almost hurt, "Then he and I have something in common. His decisions in this war have not exactly pleased me either."

"Oh?" Tonks chuckled. "I've just _got_ to hear about that. Do tell."

Hermione cleared her throat, hands fidgeting in her pockets for a moment before her fingers brushed against the piece of parchment she had almost forgotten about. Her head snapped up; of course! "Tonks, if I could promise to take care of whoever is in that house, would you do something for me?"

She shrugged, "I suppose. As long as someone has an eye on them, I don't think Moody particularly cares who it is. What do you need me to do?"

"After I take care of the Inner Circle, I intend to go after… _him_ ," Hermione admitted softly, pulling the parchment from her pocket. "But before he can be killed for good, there are a few items we need to destroy. If someone could destroy them while I went after the remaining Death Eaters…"

The metamorphmagus' eyes lit up, "…Then the war could be over that much quicker."

"Exactly."

"Alright," Tonks nodded, taking the parchment and scanning it quickly. Her brow creased when she reached the bottom of the list. "The cup and the diadem shouldn't be too difficult since you have some vague idea of their locations but… Nagini will be with _him_ and…" She looked up at Hermione. "Why do you have Harry on this list?"

Hermione cringed, "It's… complicated. But I can take care of him and the snake. Do you think you can get the other two items?"

"Of course I can. But you aren't… you're not going to hurt Harry, right?"

"No! No, of course not. I just have to take care of his scar," she said just a little too quickly to be completely convincing. The other woman was eyeing her warily and she sighed. "I promise- I won't hurt him if I can help it. But he's a part of this too. He's on the list because he's connected to _him_."

There was silence between the two women for a few moments before Tonks spoke, "Okay. I'll find these and destroy them for you. But I assume that they're Dark Magic, so is there a particular way to get rid of them?"

"You have to use Fiendfyre."

"Oh, so nothing too difficult then," she groused with heavy sarcasm.

Hermione grimaced, "I know. It isn't ideal but I don't know any other way to do it. I'm certain that Fiendfyre is the only spell strong enough to affect them at all."

Tonks' hair shifted to a harsh lime before shifting back to a neutral brown as she sighed, "Guess I better start thinking of a way to get into Hogwarts then."

The words were on the tip of her tongue; Tonks would have no trouble getting into the school if she was careful because surely Albus would have told Severus what was going on when he awoke in an empty bed… but she thought better of it and simply nodded. She really didn't want to get into all of the complicated questions that statement would bring with it, not when there was so much to be done. Tonks seemed lost in thought so Hermione turned back to the house, readying herself to replace her deception charms. She had just pulled her wand from the harness on her forearm when the other woman spoke again.

"Hermione, I… I don't know what you plan to do after the war is over but in case I don't see you again after this, I just wanted you to know that… well, that Remus and I… we… we're expecting a baby and I am so grateful for everything you've—"

Hermione whipped around so fast that Tonks actually took a startled step back, "You're _pregnant_?"

The now brown-haired witch nodded, large eyes wide with confusion, "Y-yes. We just found out a few days ago and Remus didn't want to tell anyone yet but—"

She snatched the parchment from her hands and shoved it back into a hidden pocket, "If you care anything at all about your family Nymphadora, you'll go find Remus and get the hell away from this country as quickly as you possibly can. _Now_."

"But Hermione, I though you needed my help…?"

"No. _No_. Not when you're…" Hermione grit her teeth, breathing in deeply through her nose to calm her trembling hands. "Please. Just go find your husband and _run_. Before it's too late."

"I don't understa—"

"I was pregnant," she blurted, tears stinging her eyes even as she tried to shake them away. "I was pregnant and I still went on missions for the Order. My husband tried to tell me, he tried to convince me to run while we had the chance but my gods damned sense of obligation…"

Tonks took one of Hermione's tightly clenched fists in her tiny hands.

"We were ambushed," she choked. "Travers' spell hit me right in the stomach."

"Gods…" Tonks pulled the other witch into a tight embrace. "I am _so_ sorry, Hermione. I had no idea. I didn't even know you'd been married…"

"I regret my decision every single day," Hermione cried. "If I would have listened to him, we all might still be alive right now. We all might still be together but…" She pulled back to look at the woman she'd considered a friend for most of her time in the Order. "I am begging you not to make the same mistake I did."

Tonks response was hardly above a whisper, "Albus always says we have to think of the Greater Good. That we have to remember this war is bigger than any one of us."

" _Fuck_ Albus and his 'Greater Good'," she snarled, palm resting against Tonks' stomach. "That is the same thing that got me and my entire family killed: an obligation to Albus's fucking ideals. If you love your husband and your child, if you want a chance to spend your life with them, I suggest you get the hell out of here as fast as you can. Your baby? Your marriage to Remus? Those are the things we are fighting for in this war. Those things _are_ the Greater Good, not whatever twisted sense of justice Albus is fighting for."

Her friend was silently weeping, tears tracking down her cheeks as she took in her harsh words.

"There are others who can destroy these items for me," Hermione said, much more gently. "Please Nymphadora; I'm begging you. Go get Remus and _leave_ ; even if you have to _Imperio_ him to do it. I'll get the rest of the Inner Circle as quickly as I can and with a little luck, I might be able to get _him_ too. Don't throw away your chance at life for Albus. It isn't worth it, I promise you."

Tonks was pressing her own hands to her stomach now, "Moody will be furious if we just disappear."

"Let me worry about him."

There was clearly conflict in her eyes as she stared at Hermione, thoughts of her baby and husband warring against Albus' orders and the sense of duty to the Order.

Hermione took a deep breath and stepped back, lifting the hem of her jacket and shirt to reveal the long, jagged scar across her abdomen that Travers' spell had left all those years ago, "Severus and I were going to name him Alexander."

Tonks' hand came up to cover her mouth in horror. When she finally managed to look back up at Hermione, she was crying again, "You were married to _Snape_."

She just nodded.

"This place must be so horrible for you. He's… he's…"

Hermione let out a shaky breath, fingering her wedding band, "It's incredibly difficult, yes. But the love I've always felt for him is still there, even if things are different."

It was quiet for only a second, "The Ministry is monitoring all international Floo and Apparition travel."

"Then make an illegal portkey and destroy it when you reach your destination."

Tonks nodded, pulling Hermione into a tight embrace, "I'm so sorry for what happened to you but… I am thankful that you're here with us now."

Hermione returned the embrace for a moment before pulling away, wiping at her eyes, "Go."

There was only a brief flash of half-brown, half-scarlet hair before Tonks Apparated away with a thunderous _CRACK!_ Unconcerned about whoever may be in the dilapidated manor, Hermione Disapparated seconds later.

x-x-x

Alastor was, understandably, pissed.

"Just how many extra wands do you think we have, girl? Do you have any idea how you've just crippled us?! What possibly made you think that sending them away was even close to a good fucking idea?! Or do you not give a shit since everyone you knew is probably dead?"

His words found their target right in her heart but she simply crossed her arms and met his ferocious glare, "She's pregnant."

The scraggly old auror visibly deflated by the second until he was sagging against the metal reception desk, pinching the bridge of his nose as he grumbled, "Fucking werewolf; couldn't even keep it in his fucking pants until this war was fucking over…"

"We don't need them," Hermione said softly. "I can handle the Inner Circle. You _know_ I can. But there is something I need your help with if you're willing."

He looked up at her, eye narrowing.

She handed him the modified list that no longer held Harry's name, "These items need to be destroyed before we can kill _him_. They're helping to keep him alive."

Alastor snatched the parchment and surveyed the list quickly before slamming a fist onto the desk, "Fucking Albus and his secrets!"

"You know about this?"

He growled a little, "I had my suspicions. You don't work with those Dark bastards as long as I have and not come across the odd horcrux or two. I knew something had to be going on with Riddle for him to be the way he is now."

"Albus thinks they might be—"

Moody waved dismissively, "I'll find them. This eye can sniff out Dark Magic better than the Head of Magical Law Enforcement. But the snake will be impossible until you confront him at the end."

She nodded, "I know."

"I take it you have someone in mind to watch Azkaban?"

"Of course I do."

"Fine," he grumbled, slipping the parchment into his coat and removing his wand. "If anything happens to this place while I'm gone, it's your ass."

Hermione chuckled, "Yes, sir."

He was still muttering curses and disparaging comments even as he turned on his heel and disappeared.

x-x-x

"Some might say that you are quite insane for such an outlandish proposition."

"They might. I guess it's a good thing I don't give a shit then, isn't it?"

"I suppose it is."

The short witch and the aristocratic wizard stared at each other for a long time, steely gray and cinnamon eyes both assessing and contemplating the person before them. Lucius raised a sleek blond brow, "How do I know you can be trusted?"

Hermione shrugged, "You don't. But I did remove Draco's Dark Mark before sending him and your wife out of the country. Seems to me like that might be a good place to start."

His eyes widened, "You… you removed it? Permanently?"

"Yes."

He let out a sharp breath, running a trembling hand over his unshaven face, "And if I agree to guard Azkaban in your absence…?"

Her gaze was unwavering, "As soon as I can return, I'll remove your Dark Mark and let you live to find your family. I'll even testify for you all if it comes to that."

Lucius rubbed his eyes before looking back at her, "You really believe you can win?"

"Without a doubt."

"Before I agree to anything," he surveyed her from across the table, "I want to know what you're motivation is."

"What does it matter?"

His chuckle was haughty and arrogant, "Of course it matters. You regale me with a tale of cheating Death only to return to a life you've never known where you are suddenly hell-bent on single-handedly bringing down the Dark Lord, without even a hint of why you're doing it. You, my dear, are hiding something and I would like to know what it is."

Hermione crossed her arms over her chest, "Don't push your luck, Lucius."

Lucius raised his hands in surrender, "I mean no offense, please don't misunderstand. But after what you did to Travers and Dolohov, can you blame me for being curious? Though I cannot imagine what they might have done to invoke your wrath like that…"

Her fists and teeth clenched, candlelight glinting off her wedding band.

His steel gray eyes widened in understanding, "You said that before you died, you were married."

"Lucius," she growled warningly.

"At the summoning that night, before the Revel, Dolohov and Travers were ordered to dole out a particular form of punishment—"

Hermione's trembling fists came slamming down on the table, rattling the china, " _ENOUGH!_ "

His answering grin was smug, "So it's as I thought then. You killed them for what they did to Severus."

It was not a question and she did not respond.

"He was the one you were married to, wasn't he?"

Her jaw clenched.

"And now, all that you're doing, is for him. Isn't it?"

Hermione's hard gaze snapped up to meet his.

"Does he know?"

"Yes."

"Everything?"

"Yes."

"And it doesn't bother you? That he was once a willing Death Eater? That he has killed people and done unspeakable things at the Dark Lord's orders? That he was- _is_ \- in love with someone long dead?"

Her answer was concise, "Being different than the Severus I knew does not make him less."

Lucius stood, "Alright. You have a deal. I will guard Azkaban for you."

Hermione's eyes were narrow and her words were sharp, "How nice to know my motivation meets with your approval."

"I have never cared about Mudbloods," when she bristled at his unprompted words he simply shrugged. "Of course I find them generally distasteful but I don't particularly care what they do so long as it does not affect my family. Do you know why I joined the Dark Lord all those years ago?"

Her jaw was tight as she shook her head.

His gaze cut right through her, "It's quite simple. He was offering me a position in a world where it would be possible for my family to amass even more insurmountable wealth. He promised riches unlike anything anyone had ever seen. He promised power that could never be opposed. He promised superiority. I have only ever wanted the best things for my family, Miss Granger, no matter what you believe of me. Muggles are a threat to our world, to our way of life, and quite frankly, that terrifies me. I love my wife and son; I would and have done horrific things to keep them safe and well; to keep them comfortable and happy in the life they know. Quite honestly, if I had thought the Order could have promised me something better than the Dark Lord, my loyalty would have changed. I did what I thought was in the best interest of myself and my family because I love them. Your motivation is something I understand. All of our souls have a price, Miss Granger. It just so happens that our prices are not so different. We both kill for the ones we love. So I will guard Azkaban in your absence and when you return, I expect my Dark Mark to be removed and to be allowed to leave, free and clear."

Hermione felt slightly nauseous but she nodded, extending her hand to him, "You have my word."

"And if any Order members arrive while I'm there?"

"You tell them I sent you. If they don't believe you, have them send me a patronus. If the worst should happen, Apparate away and tell me where you are. I'll hold my end of the bargain regardless."

Lucius nodded, "Then I wish you luck."

Even through Hermione's thunderous Disapparition, she could hear Lucius chuckling, "I bet poor Severus doesn't even know what hit him."

x-x-x

Snow crunched under her feet in the silence when they met the earth once more, forcing her to cringe. With a flick of her wand, she silenced her footsteps and took in a deep breath of the crisp night air. The last known location of the so called 'Golden Trio' was somewhere in the Forest of Dean, according to Severus and Albus. Hermione frowned; the forest was huge and she certainly didn't have time to search the entire place by foot, never mind a broom. Word of roaming gangs of snatchers met even her ears and she knew that she needed to try and do this as quickly as inconspicuously as possible if she wanted to keep the trio safe. But if this Hermione was anything like _her_ , then she would have set up some pretty advanced wards in order to keep them all concealed from anyone who would come looking. So how to find them?

Hermione thought for a moment, tapping her wand against her thigh rhythmically. This Hermione may be younger, but they were still essentially the same person… right? If that was indeed the case, then maybe she could sense the younger girl's magic? After all, their magical signatures would be identical. She chewed her bottom lip for a moment before raising her wand. There was a rather obscure spell that Alastor had taught her and Severus many, many years ago after they had just joined the Order and, if her assumptions were correct, then it _should_ work.

She really, really hoped it worked.

Hermione closed her eyes, painting her wand in a delicate infinity-symbol pattern over and over, " _Magicae Revelare_."

She chanted the spell and repeated the wand movement many times until, finally, she felt the telltale tingle prickling around her skin. When she opened her eyes, there was a line of vibrant, amber smoke that led deep into the forest in front of her. Hermione's fingers reached for the smoke and she let out a sigh of relief when she instantly recognized the comforting warmth of the magical signature. It was hers, there was no doubt.

Now, all she had to do was follow it to the trio.

She started running.

x-x-x

The younger Hermione's magic was so identical to her own that she didn't even realize when she'd broken through the wards. Hermione came skidding to a halt, hands on her knees in an attempt to catch her breath when she heard a voice she hadn't heard in near 20 years.

"Who are you? How did you get past the wards?"

Hermione looked up to see the overly thin, disheveled younger version of herself pointing a wand at her, eyes wide with horror and disbelief.

The younger girl stumbled back, "But… but that's impossible…" She gripped her wand tighter, knuckles going white. "Who _are_ you and why do you look…? Polyjuice doesn't change someone's age… I… I don't understand…"

A dirtier, much thinner version of Harry Potter and his redheaded friend, Ron Weasley came stumbling from the shabby tent at the sound of their friend's confused panic- eyes still half closed with sleep.

"'Mione, whassa matter?" Ron grumbled, rubbing his face with both hands.

Harry caught sight of the older Hermione and froze, "Hermione," he addressed the younger girl slowly. "Who in the bloody hell is that?"

Ron looked to where his friends were staring in horror and froze in place as well.

The older Hermione raised her hands slowly, "If you'd lower your wand, I would be more than happy to explain."

The younger girl didn't move an inch.

"Your friend there?" She inclined her head to the bespectacled boy a few feet away. "He's a horcrux- there's a piece of You-Know-Who's soul inside of him- and I think I have a way to get it out without killing him. Interested in what I have to say now?"

The three teenagers exchanged wary, terrified glances before Harry and Ron nodded somewhat hesitantly and Hermione lowered her wand.

The older Hermione lowered her hands as well, "I don't have a lot of time so let me make this quick. Yes, I'm Hermione Jean Granger. Yes, I am approximately 20 years older than you. No, I did not use a Time-Turner to get here. I come from another place, where things are much different than they are here. My husband and I were killed fighting Death Eaters at Hogwarts and Death offered to send me back to another life. If you have questions, make them quick."

The younger Hermione was first, "H-husband?"

"It doesn't matter."

Harry was next, "Death? As in—"

"As in Death is a person and it wasn't really my time yet so he gave me a choice."

Ron cut in, "Did you know us?"

"You and Harry were my students. Well, Harry was. I never taught you, Ron."

The younger Hermione spoke again, "And Harry is a horcux? Did it happen when his parents were killed?"

"Yes and I believe so."

Harry stepped forward, "You can… you can get rid of it?"

She nodded, "I think so."

Ron frowned, eyeing her warily, "How?"

Hermione removed the pearlescent knife from its hidden place near her lower back and presented it to them in one outstretched hand, "What do you all know about holy magic?"


	10. Chapter 10

*****AUTHOR'S NOTE: As much as I wish it were so, I don't own Harry Potter or anything HP related. Thank Queen J.K. Rowling for that.*****

 *****This one's a doozy. Strap in.*****

* * *

Hermione broke the mental connection with a sharp gasp, her body sagging against the cold earth beneath the tent's thin fabric. She grit her teeth against the fierce Legilimency migraine and waves of nausea that were currently battering her stomach to and fro as if they were on the roiling seas, rather than solid ground. She should have known it wouldn't be so easy; she should have known Voldemort's soul would not be so compliant.

"What is it?" Her younger self touched her quivering shoulder gently, sweeping the thick curls back from her hidden face. When she didn't respond, the girl's grip tightened. "Are you alright? Is… is _Harry_ alright?"

"It has such a hold on him," Hermione whispered in horror, wide eyes still locked on her fists. "It wants him desperately. I didn't think…"

Ron came barreling over, shoving his teenage friend out of the way so he could yank at Hermione's shoulders roughly, "You said you could get rid of it!" He snarled, bright blue eyes flashing in barely restrained fury. "You said you could do it!"

The young witch was tugging on his arm none too gently, "Ronald Weasley! Let her go this instant- what on earth has gotten into you?!"

"She fucking lied to us!" He snapped. "She promised she could save him!"

Hermione was vaguely aware that the teenagers around her, with the exception of the unconscious Harry, were screaming at each other but she couldn't bring herself to the surface of it all. She had seen the inky blackness of the horcrux inside Harry; she had _touched_ the vile, corrupted shimmery slime that had wound its way around the boy's innocent soul. And the moment she touched it, it had spoken to her.

Tears burned her eyes at the memory of what it had said.

It _knew._ It knew _her_. It knew her deepest fears and darkest terrors. It had seen them all.

It had laughed at her.

Hermione took a deep breath, forcing the worst of it behind her still shuddering Occlumency walls. She needed to remember that this wasn't about her. This was about removing the sliver of Voldemort's soul from Harry so that she could finally free Severus from his first master once and for all. She was exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally, but if she could just be strong for a little while longer…

 _Think_. She commanded herself. _Take a step back and think_.

The knife would be crucial- that much was clear. But it was also clear that the soul fragment, though not the strongest, would fight back even if it meant killing its host. It wanted Harry with a desperation that frightened her and she was certain that it would not leave the boy without one hell of a fight.

So how to remove it?

Hermione though back to what she knew about horcruxes. If put into an inanimate object, they were fairly innocuous- unless touched, worn, or kept in close proximity for long periods of time, anyway. But she seemed to remember that living horcruxes were different, less stable due to the volatility of such an evil entity being within something alive. She closed her eyes, thinking back to the book she'd read so many years ago. In her mind, she could see the words on the page as if the book was right in front of her again…

Her eyes snapped open.

Of _course_. The soul fragment needed another living host in order to let go of the boy.

Hermione forced herself to her feet, swaying slightly when she finally managed to remain upright. Ron caught her arm in his vice-like grip before she could make her way to the tent's entrance, "Just where the bloody hell do you think you're going? You're not finished here!"

Her last shred of self-control shattered. In the amount of time it took the boy the blink, Ron was face down on the ground with his arms twisted painfully behind his back- a knee pinning them in place against his spine and a vinewood wand at his throat.

Her voice was low as she growled close to his ear, "Manhandle me again and I will hex your fucking bollocks off. Do you understand me?"

Ron's voice was muffled by the frigid ground but he managed a strangled: " _Gerroff me!_ "

She pushed more weight onto her knee, his face scrunching in pain as she dug the tip of her wand into his throat, "I'm warning you, Weasley. I am _not_ your friend. You would do well to remember that."

He continued to struggle against her, "Fucking crazy bitch, get _off—_ "

And then she saw a glint of candlelight catch on the heavy chain around his neck. Hermione rolled her eyes- were they really that stupid? In one quick motion, she curled her fingers around the chain and yanked hard enough to break the clasp. The heavy golden locket fell to the ground with an audible _thunk_ and almost instantly, Ron stilled.

"Better?" She asked as she removed her knee from his back.

He nodded as he struggled to his feet, a fierce blush creeping over his freckled cheeks. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "Much. Sorry 'bout that."

She was about to give him a rather scathing lecture about his glaring lack of common sense in wearing a fucking _horcux_ when, from the corner of her eye, she noticed the younger witch reaching for the locket. Hermione snapped it up quickly, before the other girl's fingers even came close. Before the newest idea could even finish forming in her mind, she plunked the locket down on the wooden table, whipped out the pearlescent knife from beneath her shirt, and stabbed it directly in the center of the serpentine 'S'. Horrific black smoke burst from the locket with an unholy, demonic bellow- knocking the three of them across the tent to slam against the hard, unforgiving ground with a sickening _crack_. A few seconds later, as quickly as it had appeared, the smoke dissipated into the air.

Well, it was nice to know that her theory about the knife working against horcruxes was right.

"Is… is everyone alright?" Hermione managed through pained breaths.

"My baaaaack…" Ron groaned somewhere to her right. "Merlin's bollocks…"

"I caught my shoulder on the ground, but otherwise I'm alright," the younger Hermione murmured, rolling onto her side until she could see them both. "How about you? Are you hurt?"

Hermione pushed herself up, "Just mild whiplash I think."

Ron eventually managed to sit up as well, albeit slowly, and looked towards the table, "Was that…?"

"Yes, the locket's been destroyed," she looked up to see the young witch holding out the knife to her and she took it gently. "Thank you."

The girl sat back on her heels, eyes flickering between the still unconscious Harry and the older version of herself, "Is there really no way to get it out of him?"

Hermione shook her head, "I didn't say that. It just won't be easy and I won't be able to do it on my own. I'll need some outside help."

"Outside… help?"

The two women contemplated each other for a moment before Hermione turned, "Ron- you go and take watch while we prepare to remove the horcux from Harry. I will need to leave for a bit so we need to make sure it's safe for me to do so."

The redhead nodded somewhat reluctantly before lumbering out of the tent and into the cold.

The young witch's voice was low, "Just tell me what you need."

Hermione dusted off her black clothes and waved her hand at her hair, the curls winding in a knot atop her head, "I need to bring someone back with me if this is going to work, but you have to trust me when I say he is on our side. Can you do that?"

There was exactly six seconds of tense silence before the she answered, "It's Professor Snape, isn't it?"

Hermione's eyes widened.

The younger girl sighed, "I had my suspicions about that for a while now. It's… rather nice to know my assumptions were correct after all and that I wasn't just going mad. But Ron and Harry won't understand—"

"Then we _make_ them."

"I really think you're overestimating their capacity for trust, especially when it comes to Professor _—_ "

Hermione spoke so softly it was almost a whisper, "I can't do this without him."

"Oh…" She breathed, tired eyes sharp with understanding. " _He_ was your husband, wasn't he?"

Verbal confirmation wasn't needed. The way she shifted away her gaze and bit her lip was enough.

A small, warm hand covered her own and she looked up to see the other her smiling a little sadly, "Do what you need to do to get him here with us. We won't move unless it's necessary and if we do, I'll send you a patronus. Let me know when you're outside the wards and I'll dose Ron with Dreamless Sleep and _stupefy_ Harry again. Whenever you return, I'll be ready."

Hermione could feel the cracks in her mask widening, the fissures spreading across her brave and fearless façade that threatened to expose just how terrified and inadequate she really felt taking on this entire war by herself. But she was unwilling to give the other girl a reason to doubt her and her strength, so she pulled her into a tight embrace instead, "I will do the best I can for Harry, I swear it."

The young witch chuckled softly, "Of course you will. You're _me_."

x-x-x

She was already cringing when her Apparition landed her back in the Headmaster's office, eyes squeezed shut in preparation for the verbal onslaught she was certain was forthcoming.

"It's just me, my dear."

Hermione opened her eyes to the empty office, confirming Albus' assertion. Her gaze flickered to the clock- 2 in the morning. Had he not awoken yet?

"Severus came down looking for you about an hour ago. He said he would be awaiting you in his chambers when you returned."

She bit her lip; ahh, this was bad, "And did you tell him where I went?"

The portrait's expression was annoyingly hard to read in her exhaustion, "You asked me not to, remember? I simply told him you stepped out."

Oh fucking hell, that was even worse. Severus was likely going to eviscerate her if he was truly under the impression that she was simply flouncing around this world as if there wasn't a war going on. Hermione rolled her shoulders and her neck before touching her fingertips to ensure her wand was still strapped to her forearm.

The old man chuckled, "Preparing for a fight, my dear?"

"With him, you never know," Hermione rubbed her forehead. "Just tell me- was he upset?"

"Of course he was. He awoke to find you had disappeared, with no clue as to where you'd gone. He was even less pleased when he asked me what I knew and I told him you specifically instructed me not to tell him."

She grit her teeth, cursing the annoying portrait under her breath as she trudged towards the Headmaster's chambers. The moment she stepped over the threshold into his rooms, the door slammed shut violently behind her and her back was pinned to the door by a looming figure all in black.

Before she could even blink, he was baring his teeth and snarling down at her, "Are you _mad_?! Have you completely lost your mind?! Or are you so keen to meet Death again that you've simply thrown all self-preservation to the wind?!"

As she stared up into his beautiful burning obsidian eyes, so full of recrimination and anger, Hermione finally felt her mask slip. Her face crumpled and her fingers fisted in the front of his voluminous black robes, sobs ripping from deep within her chest and dampening his clothes. She felt him let out a deep, shaky sigh and he pulled his arms from trapping her against the door to pull her against his chest instead.

"Do you have any idea the _panic_ … when I awoke and you were gone, I feared… even that bumbling old fool wouldn't tell me where you'd gone and I just…" Severus' grip on her tightened. "Merlin have mercy, Hermione you _cannot_ fucking scare me like that. Have you forgotten that I'm an old man?"

If she tried to say anything, it was lost between the wracking sobs that shook her entire body.

"Oh sweet girl, don't cry," he crooned, lips pressing against her temple over and over. "I shouldn't have let my temper get the better of me like that. I… I'm… sorry."

It took a few minutes of him murmuring comforting nonsense for her to be able to pull herself back together, but when she finally did, she felt stronger. She was still exhausted and afraid of everything that was weighing so heavily on her shoulders, but she didn't feel like she was holding her breath while balancing on a ledge anymore. This was the path she had chosen, so now there was no other choice but to follow it- whether she ended up falling off that precarious ledge or not.

"I'm sorry," Hermione said into his chest, her voice slightly rough. "I know you hate that."

"When it's you, I find it doesn't matter as much," he swiped away the tear tracks with his thumb and lifted her chin with his long, slender fingers, obsidian eyes searching hers. "Now tell me where you were, Hermione. Tell me what's going on."

She sighed darkly, "More work thanks to Albus, of course. Is it ever anything else?"

His heavy, elegant brow furrowed but he didn't break his gaze, "The entire Outer Circle has already been apprehended. If the Order had begun to work on the others who are left, I would have been summoned. What—"

"Horcruxes."

Severus froze, his eyes hard, "As in more than one."

"Yes."

"How many exactly?"

"Seven."

"Gods damn it all," he growled, eyes slipping shut. "Of fucking course he would have made bloody fucking horcruxes."

Hermione's fingers brushed his sharp cheekbones, her voice soft, "Three of them have been destroyed and the others are being taken care of. There is only one I need your help with."

Severus let out a rather breathless chuckle, his dark eyes warm and somewhat astonished as he looked at her, "Merlin woman, you are a wonder. Is there anything you can't do?"

But her mood did not lighten as her fingers reached his lips, "I can't destroy this one without you, Severus. And we don't have much time; we need to leave as soon as we can."

"Of course I'll help, my little lioness," he kissed her fingertips. "Just tell me what must be done."

She took a deep breath before meeting his gaze, "Harry… Lily's son… he's a horcrux. It was an accident but it happened nonetheless. And we can't defeat _him_ until all the pieces have been destroyed."

Every time Hermione thought nothing else could possibly hurt her, that she had experienced all the pain that was possible for one person, she was inevitably proven wrong. This time was no different. At the mention of Lily's name, Severus physically flinched. At the revelation that her son, who had the woman's undeniably striking emerald eyes, was a horcrux, Severus pulled away from her. At the word 'destroyed', he stumbled back and collapsed onto the couch, shoulders hunched and face hidden behind his dark curtain of hair.

Her heart twisted painfully in her chest at the sight of him in such agony but a deeper part of her was railing, screaming that it was just so _unfair_. She sent a silent curse up to the Gods, wondering why the hell they couldn't seem to escape Lily's grasp no matter what life they were in. Severus may have all the memories from her other life, he may be able to feel that he loves _her_ , but even with all of that, he still didn't seem able to let go of Lily.

She could almost feel the words tattooed on her arm sneering at her, mocking her. _Second best_ , they taunted even as she scratched at the inky letters under her sleeve. _Always second best._

Hermione shoved it all away; deep behind her Occlumency walls. There was no time for wallowing right now; she could dwell on it all later.

She came to kneel in front of him, hands on his sharp knees, forcing her voice to remain steady and assured, "Severus, I know it sounds bad but I think I have a way to remove the soul fragment without harming him. I just can't do it alone. Will you come with me? I went to see the three of them already, to see if it would even be possible, and Harry's subconscious is receptive to me. I am almost certain I can get it to let go of him and Hermione agreed to have both of the boys unconscious when we arrive so they don't see you."

He sounded so much like the hurt, broken Severus she remembered from that time in the Hospital Wing during their 6th at Hogwarts that it physically hurt, especially because he didn't sound that way because of _her_ this time, "We can't let him die. He's all that is left of her."

Internally, Hermione recoiled and vomited and raged and wept. Externally, she was still as stone and just as calm. "I won't, Severus. I promise. But if we're going to do this, we need to leave while you can still get away from the school. Will you come?"

He did little more than nod.

x-x-x

"The wards are close, can you feel them?"

Severus nodded silently, straightening his spine and squaring his shoulders in preparation of donning his usual 'Professor Snape' persona. She could physically see that acerbic, sneering mask fall into place and the early morning air felt that much colder on her skin.

Deep in the privacy of her own thoughts, she could finally admit to herself that she desperately missed home. She missed the life she had and the husband who wore her matching words, who loved her unconditionally. She missed the man who made her laugh and taught her Legilimency and couldn't bake worth a damn and gifted her books with magic so powerful they could have a baby. She missed the way he pressed his lips to her words and made love to her in every room, on every surface and whispered words of love and adoration when he thought she was asleep. She missed his griping about her hair clogging the drain and his whining when he was ill and his doting when she was the sick one. She missed her soulmate.

There was a nagging, constant thought gnawing at the edges of her mind that told her Severus, _this_ Severus, would never entirely be hers. That all of those precious things she had taken for granted were lost forever.

It was almost too much.

Hermione hadn't even realized she'd stopped walking until she heard Severus' deep, silky baritone cut through the wooded silence, "Are you unwell?"

Three words. Three innocuous, little words that most people would be grateful to hear coming from someone as outwardly cold as him. But Hermione could hear what was underneath those words. She could hear that he was reverting back to being formal with her, that all the progress they'd made was slipping away. She could hear his loyalty to Lily superseding anything he felt for her.

She shoved all of it tightly behind her Occlumency walls, pulling out her wand, "I'm fine; I just need to let Hermione know we're here."

After casting a quick patronus that swam through the air for a moment before disappearing, the wards quickly melted away to allow Severus through without issue. Hermione led him into the tent where Ron was already passed out on a small bunk bed to the far left and Harry was unconscious on a single bed in the back.

The young witch quickly came over to give Hermione a short but familiar embrace, "Glad you were able to make it back so quickly without any issues." She gave a small nod to Severus. "Professor Snape. It's good to see you again."

He snorted derisively, crossing his arms over his chest.

The younger girl wasn't deterred, "So what now? How do we get that horrid thing out of him?"

" _We_ don't do anything," Hermione said, removing the knife from her waistband and moving to the back of the tent where Harry had been _stupefied_. She sat on the bed next to him, gently prodding his scar with her pointer finger from a few different angles. "I think his scar connects him to You-Know-Who much the same way that the Dark Mark connects the Death Eaters. They both channel Dark Magic, just differently."

"So what do you propose?" Severus drawled as if completely bored by the situation.

Hermione chewed her lip for a moment, "Horcruxes created with living hosts are incredibly rare but from what I remember, they are extremely volatile. They don't want to give up their host and they will fight hard to prevent it being taken from them. But I think, if I remove his scar the same way I remove a Dark Mark, I can isolate the soul fragment in his body and block the connection with Vold- ahem, _him_."

"Blocking the connection is all well and good but that would have been much more useful two years ago," he almost sneered.

Her retort was sharp, though she didn't look at him, "Well I wasn't here two years ago, was I?"

"Mmmm."

The younger Hermione's gaze was flickering confusedly between the two before finally settling on Hermione, "Okay, so you isolate the soul fragment and block the connection. What then?"

"According to what I remember…" Hermione let out a shaky breath. "The horcrux will only let go of him if it has another, more enticing living host to move into."

The atmosphere inside the tent was so thick it could be cut with a knife.

The girl was the first to speak, "I'm sorry, surely I misunderstood you. You're not suggesting that _you_ take on the soul fragment… right?"

"I know it isn't ideal but I don't know any other way to get it to let go of Harry. Not without killing him, too."

"It isn't ideal?" Severus whispered before exploding into a furious roar. "IT ISN'T FUCKING _IDEAL_?! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!"

She finally looked up at him, at his heaving chest, clenched fists, and face contorted in rage, "So what would you have me do then, Severus? Kill him? I thought we were trying to avoid that."

His mouth opened and closed several times before he was able to form a coherent sentence again, "That tiny piece of his soul is so evil, it will _destroy_ you. It will eat away at you like it's necrotic until you are but a shell of yourself! It will twist and warp you into a being filled with nothing but anger and hatred and fear!"

"Not only that," the other witch interjected, brow furrowed in thought, "but won't someone have to kill you to destroy the fragment anyway? All you'd be doing is moving it, not destroying it."

Hermione unsheathed her knife, eyes unfocused as she looked somewhere beyond Severus' shoulder, "No… I remember something Albus said about him, about when he was still Tom Riddle and I think I can use what he said to… maybe not destroy it but… I don't know… purify it? Cleanse it, maybe? I'm not entirely sure."

Severus scoffed in disbelief, "You are willing to risk becoming a fucking horcrux of the Dark Lord and you aren't even certain if your plan will _work_? No, this is ridiculous and I will hear no more of it! We will come up with another way to—"

"There is no other way and even if, by some miracle there was, we don't have _time_ to look for it!" She snapped. "With each horcux that is destroyed, _he_ is bound to feel it more and more until he finally realizes what's happening to him. What do you think will happen then? We have to get rid of them quickly, before he's decided that he's waited long enough to end this war! If we try to fight him while he's still technically immortal, we will all die for nothing!"

"Well you should feel right at home then!" He snarled viciously. "You'll be able to give Death a proper greeting this time!"

Hermione visibly recoiled and then the younger version of herself finally stepped in between them, "Professor Snape! That is quite enough!"

He stalked forward, his voluminous robes billowing around him ominously, "Listen here, you impertinent, insufferable little chit…"

Hermione shoved the younger girl behind her and brandished her wand right at his ridiculous nose, "If you don't want to help, _leave_. I am going to do this with or without you."

Severus paused in his advance, obsidian eyes narrowed as he searched her gaze. His jaw clenched and unclenched several times before he finally fell back into a casual stance with his arms crossed over his chest, "You are making a mistake, Hermione."

"Perhaps, but I thought you were more concerned about the last remaining part of Lily remaining unharmed?"

His eyes widened and his arms fell to his sides as he ran a hand over his face, tone much gentler, "That isn't what I meant, Hermione. I never meant that you were dispensable."

"Didn't you?"

"Of course not! How could you even think—"

"If you intend to stay, then pay attention," Hermione turned back to sit next to Harry without waiting for him to finish. "After I cut his scar out, I'll use Legilimency to gain access to his mind and once inside, I'll find the soul fragment and try to entice it to let him go. If it works, I imagine you'll be able to tell. If you can, _Rennervate_ Harry to make sure he is okay."

The young witch nodded in understanding, "Alright. And… and you?"

"If I end up taking the soul piece into myself, then Severus will need to Apparate me back to Hogwarts."

"Why?"

"So I can fight it, somewhere far away from Harry," she rolled her shoulders and undid the zipper on her tight black outer jacket, eyes flickering to Severus only briefly. "Understood?"

"Understood," the younger girl repeated.

"Severus?"

He at least at the decency to look ashamed as he nodded in acquiescence.

x-x-x

Cutting out the scar was easy, exactly the same as removing Draco's Dark Mark. With five small, precise cuts, the hunk of flesh had fallen to the ground and sizzled until it was nothing more than a black, charred mound.

"Ready?" She asked the other two conscious occupants of the tent.

"Ready," the other witch confirmed, moving behind her for support.

Severus came to kneel beside her, dark eyes soft as they roved over her face, "Ready."

Hermione took a few deep breaths before gently lifting Harry's heavy eyelids. She leaned over his body and breathed, " _Legilimens_."

She immediately went tumbling into the calm, soothing abyss of his unconscious mind. Panic was already threatening to overtake her but she forced herself to focus; after all, it wasn't likely that she would get another chance if she messed this up. There is no way the soul fragment would fall for the same trick twice.

Hermione extended her senses in order to find where the vile, corrupted parasitic soul was hiding. She felt it in the distance almost immediately, winding its way hungrily around a string of Harry's most potent, happy memories with the intention of blackening them. She took hold of that particular string of memories and pulled herself along until she felt thick, icy ooze under her fingertips.

The moment she touched it, soul fragment whispered to her in a sibilant hiss. _Hermione Ssssnape. Sssso lovely to ssssee you again._

 _Let him go._ She commanded, grip tightening.

 _I can tassste your anguisssh. Sssso deliciousss. Did he hurt you again?_

Hermione tried to be more forceful. _Let Harry go. He doesn't have anything more for you._

 _And you do?_

 _Yes. I do._

The soul fragment let out a low, dark chuckle as it wrapped itself around her wrists like shackles. _Then ssshow me._

Even if she had tried to resist, it wouldn't have mattered. The black ooze wound around her chest and caressed the area right above her heart with one evil tentacle like a lover before plunging inside of her sternum.

 _Sssso much pain… sssso much ssssadnesss… mmmmmm sssso ssssweet._

Hermione tried to shut out the onslaught of memories that were battering her psyche but the evil little piece of Voldemort was throwing them at her intentionally, forcing her to relive them all over again to maximize her pain.

 _Doessss it hurt to know that he preferssss a dead woman to you?_ The soul fragment crooned, caressing her wild curls with another black, sticky tentacle. _Doessss it hurt to know even your ssssoulmate did not love you assss he sssshould have?_

 _Please._ Hermione begged, sharp stabs lancing through her heart at its words. _Please stop._

 _He never forgave you for killing hissss sssson. He didn't even fight his Death in the end._

She began to thrash against the tentacles, desperate to get away from them. Hot tears stung her eyes and her throat burned. _No. No Severus loved me. He loved me!_

 _Did he? Are you sssso ssssure?_

Hermione struggled harder, sobs building in her throat, but the soul fragment tightened its grip on her until it was painful.

 _Why would he want you when he could have Lily? Sssso perfect, sssso beautiful. He wassss trapped by his ssssoulmate wordssss. Even then, he didn't want you. Even when he knew about hissss wordssss, he wanted her. Alwayssss her. Alwayssss._

She started screaming.

But it did not relent. _I have sssseen your heart, Hermione. I have sssseen your deepesssst fearssss. Alwayssss second best, alwayssss leasssst loved. The ssssecond option. You can end the war for thissss Sssseverussss, but he will never love you. You will only be there to warm hissss bed._

 _No! No, you're lying!_

It chuckled again. _Perhapssss you cannot bear children again, Hermione. Perhapssss you losssst your only chance. Why would Sssseverussss want a woman sssso broken?_

Hermione was screamed as she clawed at the tentacles until her nails were bloody but it made no difference.

 _It doessss not matter how many Death Eaterssss you kill. You will never be the woman he covetssss. You will never be his choicccce._

The soul fragment burrowed beneath her skin and she tried to claw at her arms to stop it.

 _You made all the wrong choicessss, Hermione. You killed your sssson, you killed your hussssband. They are dead becausssse of you. How doessss it feel? Doessss it hurt? Let me tasssste your agony…_

Something broke the Legilimency connection because suddenly Hermione could feel the cold earth beneath her knees and her thick curls wound around her fists and the grating of the early morning air on her throat as she screamed.

"No! NO! It wasn't my fault! Severus! _SEVERUS!"_

"Hermione! Hermione, it's alright! Open your eyes, I'm right here!"

The words sounded as if underwater. The only thing she could hear clearly was the horcrux mocking her, throwing horrible accusations at her with a smile. She curled in on herself further as she screamed, her throat being torn to shreds with the voracity of it.

Long, slender arms wrapped around her back and pulled her into a warm embrace, "Gods above, please open your eyes Hermione. I'm here. I'm right here and I promise I am not going anywhere."

"Severus," Hermione sobbed, gripping her hair so tight she was almost pulling it from the roots. "Severus, I am so sorry. Please forgive me. Forgive me! I didn't mean to. I made the wrong choice, always the wrong choice! I killed you, I killed you and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry!"

"None of it was your fault," he soothed into her hair. " _None_ of it. You can't listen to it, Hermione. It's lying to you. It's feeding on your despair and amplifying it."

The tears wouldn't stop, "Our baby. Our boy. It's all my fault. I should have listened to you. I should have… I should have… all my fault! All my fucking fault!"

"You have to get her back to Hogwarts, Professor," the younger witch said from somewhere behind her. "You have to get her in a safe place where she can be calm enough to fight it. Right now, it's running rampant through her; you need to get her somewhere safe where you can help her to remember what's real and what isn't. She can't tell the difference right now."

"Take care of Potter, Miss Granger," he said gruffly, pulling Hermione in tighter.

"And you take care of _her_ , Professor. She needs you."

When Severus' Apparition landed them in his private chambers, it was 5 in the morning and while she was no longer screaming, Hermione could not seem to stop the sobs that wracked her body.

She could feel Severus' arms around her, but she could only hear the soul fragment cackling in her ears, recounting all the ways in which she failed those most important to her.

* * *

 *****It's a horcrux, a part of Voldemort's very evil soul- did you expect it to be nice?*****


	11. Chapter 11

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K. Rowling is the only one who owns Harry Potter. The rest of us are just playing with it.**

 *****And so, we face the horcrux. I listened to "Lucid Dream" by Monogram while writing this- I needed to be sad. Also, this is the only chapter in this entire story that will be from Severus POV.*****

* * *

He'd had to stun her.

There was simply no other way.

Hermione had been just too distraught, too trapped by the horcrux's deep-seated claws, for his words to reach her anymore. By the time he unsheathed his black wand, she had long since stopped responding to his voice. His gut had twisted at the horrified look in her wide cinnamon eyes, at the silent tears that tracked down her cheeks as she rocked back and forth staring far away into nothing. The screaming or even hysterical sobbing would have been preferable to the silent catatonia- at least before he knew she was still in there, somewhere, fighting Voldemort's soul with all her strength.

But this… resigned silence, it terrified the shit out of him.

So he stunned her.

After moving Hermione's limp form to the plush bed that sat directly in the middle of the Headmaster's private bedroom, Severus settled them both on their sides facing one another and gently pressed his fingers to her temples. His voice was barely a whisper in the magically-darkened room, " _Legilimens_."

Severus slipped into Legilimency with the same practiced ease as a sea lion gliding through water, landing deftly inside her mind with a long-perfected grace. And with such vast experience, came the instant realization that he didn't actually know a damn thing about how living horcruxes worked. Severus looked around the round, cavernous room that had a closed door at the each of the four navigational points. This was not how a mind typically presented; no one would _ever_ organize their thoughts or memories in such a trite way- not even the dumbest of the Death Eaters or the most dunderheaded of his students would choose something like this. No… this was not a room filled with doors but a prison filled with cells; Hermione's mind held captive within each one by the soul fragment amplifying and augmenting her deepest fears. Voldemort's soul had turned her mind into her own personal Hell.

She would never escape on her own. Not from something like this.

Though his first instinct was to run, to shield himself from the familiar feel of the Dark Lord's evil, Severus knew he could not. Hermione had lost everything only to come to a life where she had been forced to give even more. She constantly put herself in danger for _him_ , refused to give up on _him_ … even when he couldn't seem to let go of the auburn and emerald-colored shackles that had enslaved him for most of his life. Hermione fought like hell for him, over and over, with the hope that someday he would be free to live his own life and that maybe, just maybe, he would allow her to remain by his side when the time came. She never demanded anything from him other than that he try.

And he treated her abhorrently; made her feel disposable. Unwanted. Unworthy. Unloved.

But she wasn't. Oh, no. Not at all.

She was different than Lily, but different didn't mean less. Not to him. To him, different was the answer to a long-forgotten prayer. Lily was a past of shackles and chains, Hermione was a future of possibilities and promise.

She fought like hell for him, so he would fight like hell for her.

x-x-x

He stepped through the first door and almost walked right into her. She was standing, stock-still as she stared at something in front of her. Severus' gaze flickered ahead and there he was: _him_ , exactly as he had looked at seventeen years old- though from the lack of scars, clearly from her life and not _this_ one- standing in front of a green and silver canopied bed, clad in nothing but his school trousers with his hard black eyes locked on the mirror before him. Severus followed the angry gaze to see that his younger self was staring at a matching soulmate tattoo branded on his right hip in Hermione's unmistakably loopy handwriting. The young boy's fists clenched and unclenched a few times before he finally shattered the glass with one trembling fist.

"Trapped," the boy ground out from behind his clenched teeth. "Bound to the _wrong one_."

The silent tears sliding down Hermione's face were so much worse than her sobs. She started to back away slowly, shaking her head in a futile attempt at denial, "I'm… the wrong one. I knew it. I knew he always wanted—"

He caught her shoulders gently from behind, startling her so much she physically jumped, but he spoke softly, "It's not real, Hermione. The Dark Lord's soul is feeding off of your fears and projecting them for you to see."

He could feel her trembling under his fingertips, "Severus…? Please… _please_ tell me you're really here."

Severus came to stand in front of her, tilting her chin up with one long, slender finger until she finally looked at him, "I am. And I swear to you, the horcrux is lying. Do you want to know what I remember my real reaction to be when I realized I wore your words?"

She looked openly terrified and did not respond.

The memories assaulted him from all sides, both from her life and his, forcing him to take a few deep breaths before he could sort through it all. This was bound to happen sometimes, there were two sets of memories warring for purchase in his mind after all, but Severus found that if he just took a moment to gather himself, he could sift through them properly without getting them mixed up. It wasn't until he felt a familiar wetness on his fingers that he was snapped back to reality.

His dark, obsidian eyes met hers, "Relief. I felt _relieved_. How could I not? I had loved you for so many years but I never imagined you would…" Her fingers wrapped around his wrist, giving him the strength to continue. "I already had words and you always told me you didn't. What was I supposed to do if someday another man's words appeared on your skin and I had words of someone other than you and…"

Hermione was no longer crying but her eyes were still glistening, "Oh, Severus…"

He could feel the fierce blushing staining his colorless cheeks but he forced himself to continue, "I was terrified because how could _you_ , someone so beautiful and so intelligent, with the entire world at her fingertips, ever willingly choose someone like me when you'd already been granted a soulmate? Someone who was supposed to be your other half? I couldn't bear it, Hermione. I couldn't bear the thought so I tried to ignore it."

Her voice was unsteady, "When did you first realize?"

The memories came so easily now, "When I kissed you for the first time, that night we drank the Ogden's in celebration of your fifteenth birthday. I just kept feeling _something_ when I looked at you but I didn't know what it was. And then… there was something in the back of my mind that told me 'kiss her and make it real'. So I kissed you."

"And did it? Make it real?"

He let out a disbelieving, breathy chuckle, "Yes. It most certainly made it real."

Her eyes flickered uncertainly to watch the still trembling teenage Severus flexing his bleeding fist.

"It's always been you, Hermione. Even in another life, it's you. Have you really not noticed? No matter where we are, we end up together. You could never be the wrong one because you are the _only_ one."

"But…"

Severus grabbed her chin and brought her back to face him, "It grows stronger from feeding on your fears and your pain. It's _trying_ to hurt you in the most brutal way."

"But why? Why does it need to do that?"

"Because the Dark Lord doesn't know love. He is incapable of it."

Hermione's brow furrowed as the pieces came together, "So… his soul is trying to twist it into something it understands. Gods, that's so sad. I almost feel sorry for him."

The room shifted slightly.

She traced his lips with a feather-light touch as she spoke, "I have to forgive him for hurting me with this, don't I?"

He nodded, brushing a lock of riotous curls back from her cheek, "I believe so."

Hermione moved away from him and towards the younger illusion, slowly at first, but gaining confidence as she grew closer. When she finally reached him, the young boy glared at her with enough open hostility and hatred that Severus physically winced. She couldn't possibly open her heart to someone, some _thing_ that looked at her with such contempt. It was simply not possible. All of his comforting words, the entire mortifying confession would have been for nothing and she would be forever trapped here—

She wrapped her arms around the young, angry, bleeding boy and the illusion shattered into a thousand tiny pieces.

x-x-x

Stepping through the second door was almost physically painful. The familiar scents of disinfectant, blood, and potions assaulted his senses and nearly brought him to his knees. Memories or not, this kind of ache was simply something that time and another lifetime away could never dull.

Instead of standing in the doorway this time, Hermione was propped up among the snowy-white linens adorning the patient bed that was a common sight at St. Mungo's, clad in nothing but a standard-issue hospital gown. He could smell the multitude of potions on her bandaged abdomen even though he could not see them, confirmed by the way she had wrapped her arms around herself protectively.

Of course the horcrux would use this against her. Fucking bastard.

He took a few tentative steps further into the room, "Hermione…"

But she was not looking at him. She was looking at something near the window on the other side of the room.

It didn't take long to figure out what, or rather who, it was.

He was a few years older than the boy behind the first door, but still miles younger than he actually was in this life. There were virtually no lines on his face, he was not overly thin, and the mark of constant Occlusion was nowhere to be seen between his dark, heavy brows.

But the way the other Severus was glaring at her did not match his memories.

"Severus…" Hermione cleared her throat, fingers flexing around the sheets anxiously as her eyes glistened. "I don't know what happened but… I'm _so, so sorry_."

The other man stalked forwards, fire in his bottomless eyes as he sneered at her, "I bet you were watching Travers the entire time, weren't you? Just _waiting_ for the opportunity to rid yourself of _my son_. Just waiting for the chance to end what you never even wanted in the first place."

"No!" Her knuckles were white now. "I swear to you, Severus, it was an accident! I was afraid but I wanted him so, so much. I never would have hurt him on purpose! Please, you have to believe me. I—"

The illusion was at the foot of her bed now, fists clenched around the metal railing, "Perhaps the Dark Lord is right. Perhaps mudbloods _are_ inferior to us, unworthy of us. Perhaps Travers was doing me a favor by ridding you of that filthy—"

Severus hurtled himself onto the hospital bed, clasping his palms around her ears and pulling her close, "Don't you dare listen to what that thing is telling you, do you hear me? I _forbid_ you from believing such abhorrent lies. We made it through this horrific tragedy together- don't let him take that from us. Please. Please, Hermione."

She gripped the front of his robes as if her life depended on it, throat tight and voice thick with tears, "You're here. You're _here_. You came for me."

"Of course I came for you, sweet girl. How could you ever imagine I would leave you in such a place?"

The illusion behind them continued to spit venomous abuse, so he pulled her in closer.

"It was an accident," she cried softly into his clothes. "I swear Severus, it was an accident."

"I know," he crooned, rocking her gently. Memories of the ambush rained down on his mind like a barrage of arrows. "I cannot fault you for trying to protect me."

"We were completely outnumbered," Hermione choked. "They would have killed you if I hadn't cast that _Protego_ at the last second. And I couldn't… I couldn't let you die. I _couldn't._ "

Severus pressed his lips to her forehead, "Ah, my little lioness. Never, ever feel guilt for the choice you made. I am forever thankful for the years that _Protego_ granted me with you, forever thankful that it gave me the chance to have you now. You continue to prove yourself my savior, time and time again. I would have it no other way."

"We tried for so many years after," tears soaked through his frock coat. "Maybe we lost our only chance."

"After the Dark Lord has fallen, we will try again."

Hermione looked up at him, deep bronze skin blotchy from crying but still unerringly beautiful, "You want that… with _me_?"

His lips brushed against hers, his words spoken directly into her mouth, "As much as it terrifies me, I want it _all_ with you."

He felt her wide smile against his lips and once again, the illusion fractured away.

x-x-x

The third door proved somewhat different.

This time, the situation was not something he recognized from his own memories. Instead, Hermione was kneeling in the middle of darkened room with each wrist bound tightly with a length of heavy rope that disappeared into the inky blackness on each side of her. Each rope was pulled taut, extending her arms straight out from her sides as far as they would go. He came to crouch in front of her to see that her head was bowed as she wept silently onto the floor.

Severus reached for her but was interrupted by Voldemort's unmistakable voice resounding in the darkness above, "You have to make your choice, Hermione. This world? Or that one?"

From his right- her left- Severus could hear a cacophony of male and female voices.

 _"Freak!"_

 _"Bookworm!"_

 _"Suck up!"_

 _"Beaver teeth!"_

 _"Frizzy hair!"_

 _"Weird!"_

Voldemort's voice spoke again, "Never accepted in the muggle world; how sad? Even your own parents did not understand or accept you. No family or friends to care for you. Nothing but your books and your magic to comfort you. Such a lonely, solitary existence where no one will ever love you."

Hermione tried to tug at the ropes that bound her left wrist but only whimpered in pain when they did not relent.

This time, more familiar voices came from the darkness on her right.

 _"Cokeworth trash!"_

 _"Mudblood!"_

 _"Insufferable!"_

 _"Know-it-all!"_

 _"Second best!"_

 _"Unworthy!"_

Voldemort's cool, wicked voice sliced through the air once more, " _Mudblood_ \- an abomination to our world, unworthy to even lick the mud from our boots. Unworthy to even be a slave to real witches and wizards. Lower than house elves, lower than _muggles_. Too dirty for breeding stock. You will never be accepted in our world. There is no place for your kind. Your magic is a mistake that _will_ be corrected."

She yanked both her wrists as hard as she could but they did not loosen.

"No matter where you go Hermione, you will be alone. You don't _belong_ anywhere. You don't _fit_ anywhere. So which world will you choose? Which world will become your prison?"

Hermione struggled against her bindings frantically, tears streaming down her face as she screamed, "Let me go! Let me out of here!"

The Dark Lord cackled in the darkness, "Not until you choose."

Severus wrapped his fingers around her wrists to cease her struggling and she stilled for a moment, "Severus… is that you?"

"I'm here," he confirmed softly. "You are not alone, Hermione. I'm here."

The six words from each world kept repeating over each other around them, growing louder and louder with each subsequent chant.

"How can I choose between two worlds that don't want me?" She shook her head, wild curls hiding the face that only he could see in the darkness. "How can I—"

Severus slid his hands across her arms, up her neck, to cup her cheeks as he rested his forehead against hers, "You are brilliant, Hermione. Perhaps the most brilliant person I have ever met. The ways in which you apply your magic, the things you can do with it, is something the entire Wizarding World should envy. Your blood status doesn't matter. You are a witch and you are a force to be reckoned with. Quite frankly, Voldemort should be fucking terrified. You could rule the world if you set your mind to it."

"I don't want to rule the world, Severus. I just want to have a place in it."

He couldn't help the small smile that broke across his lips, "You already do. You're Hermione Granger."

"And if they don't… if they don't accept me in the end? If they don't allow me to find a place in the Wizarding World?"

Severus tugged on one of her thick curls affectionately, "Then we carve out a place for you, with space for me to fit right beside."

Hermione let out a deep breath and the ropes fell away from her wrists as the illusion disintegrated.

x-x-x

The fourth and final door led into the front room of his home in Cokeworth. Somewhere in the room was a Wizard Wireless chattering away between static and Hermione was standing, frozen, in front of the fire with something small and square in her hand.

Severus frowned in confusion. What sort of fear was this? It didn't make sense.

Then the fuzzy voice of the obscure program, Potterwatch, met his ears, _"The Wizarding World was met with a shocking turn of events today when You-Know-Who publicly executed one of his most loyal supporters- current Headmaster of Hogwarts, Severus Snape. Our sources indicate that the Potions Master was caught by his fellow Death Eaters having inappropriate contact with a muggleborn woman who has yet to be identified. Though the nature of their relationship has not been disclosed, we can assume by the archaic, brutal execution that it was almost certainly a romantic one. Many have recently- and secretly- speculated that Severus Snape was actually working for the Order all along, so one has to wonder if this unknown woman understands the severity of what she's done. This reporter must also wonder if this woman was worth the Potions Master being brutally murdered in such a horrific way. For now, we will have no answers, the war will continue, and we will all mourn in secret for the man who taught us Potions. River, signing off. And please note that next broadcast's password is 'Meadowes'. Stay safe out there, everyone."_

He felt his heart constrict in his chest as the broadcast ended.

Hermione let what she was holding drift to the floor before barreling up the stairs and retching into the toilet between violent sobs.

Severus went to pick up the item she dropped but paused briefly when he noticed the material- one was a scrap of parchment and the other was glossy like a wizarding photograph. It didn't take a Seer to know what the photograph was. By the severity of Hermione's reaction, he could easily assume it was a brightly colored photo of his execution, one that would replay over and over in graphic detail until it was eventually destroyed. And knowing Voldemort the way he did, there was no doubt that it was bloody and barbaric.

He did not turn it over to look at it- opting to throw it into the fire instead.

Severus then picked up the tiny scrap of parchment, which he instantly realized was covered in his own, spiky handwriting.

 _'They know. Lucius has given me a few minutes warning, but it does not matter. I cannot run from this anymore. I know that is not what you want to hear from me, but it's the truth. I willingly chose this path many years ago and now I must face whatever is to come. I owe it to everyone who has suffered because of my choice- especially Lily. You were a candle in the darkness, Hermione, but sometimes that is simply not enough. I needed something like you a long, long time ago. I'm sorry.'_

The blind, bland, blasé acceptance of his own death written in only a few short lines was enough to make even _him_ nauseous. He crumpled the parchment in his fist and tossed it into the fire as well before taking to the stairs. Severus found Hermione weeping desolately on the floor of the loo, face buried in her hands as she mourned him. He gently tugged on one of her wrists and she looked up with wide, startled eyes rimmed with red.

"S-Severus? But… but _how_? I saw the picture. I-I…" Her bottom lip trembled as she struggled to get the words out. "I saw what he… what he did to you!"

"None of this is real," Severus entwined their fingers with one hand and wiped her tearstains with the other. "The note, the photograph, the broadcast- none of it. We're still in your mind. The horcrux does not want to let you go and this is the last hold it has on you."

Hermione closed her eyes for a moment, shaking her head as if to clear her thoughts, but when she opened them again she looked just as bewildered, "This doesn't feel like all the other times. This one feels so… real. I feel like I'm awake."

He nodded, "That is because the other fears, they were based on memories- on things that have already happened- so even though it was projecting the things that would hurt you most, somewhere deep down you remembered that I was not angry with my words, that I did not blame you for Alexander, and that you _do_ have a place in the Wizarding World. You may still fear those things, but you have already lived through them. This one…" Severus paused, taking hold of her face so he could look into her eyes. "This one is of your own creation. There is nothing within this fear to tether you to reality."

"Then how can I possibly escape it?" Her breathing started to quicken. "Gods Severus, please tell me I'm not trapped here!"

"No, sweet girl. That is why I'm here- to take you back."

There was a burst of icy, malevolent air that washed over them and Hermione's eyes glazed over as she struggled against him, "No… no, I can't go back. No. He'll find out about us. He'll find out and then… what I saw in the picture- it'll be real. He will kill you Severus! He will kill you and it will be my fault! All you have done for the Order, for Lily… none of it will matter. It'll all be for nothing. You'll die for nothing!"

Gods damn Voldemort and his evil fucking soul for doing this to her; it ripped his heart to shreds to see Hermione reduced to this. Severus leaned his long form against the tub and pulled her into his lap despite her impressive efforts to escape, "Hermione, I need you to listen to me now. The soul fragment only has this one last hold on you so it's doing everything it can to keep you here. But I refuse to let that happen- do you know why?"

"Severus, please let me go! Let me go before it's too late. I can't be the reason he kills you. I can't. I can't take it, Severus, please!"

He tightened his grip on her, "I refuse to let his vile, corrupted soul take root inside of you because I love you. Do you hear me, you infuriating woman? I _love you_."

Hermione stilled.

"I'm not the same man you knew and I certainly don't deserve you, but I don't give a shit anymore. _I love you_. And if you truly believe that I would accept my death in any manner resembling that fucking note, then you have seriously overestimated how noble I am. Out of all the time you have known me, no matter which life it was in, when the hell did you ever get the impression that I am _that_ self-sacrificing? Merlin, witch, are you fucking insane? I have _you_ now- why the hell would I be so quick to give that up?"

She shifted on his lap and looked up at him, cinnamon eyes gleaming in the dim candlelight, "So… you'll really stay with me?"

And for the first time in years, it felt wholly safe and _right_ to be completely honest with someone else. Severus could almost feel those auburn and emerald-colored shackles fall from his wrists as he pressed his lips to hers, "Until the very end."

The last illusion melted away and he could feel the Dark presence of the soul fragment receding.

x-x-x

There was, unsurprisingly, scant beams of morning light filtering through the dark, drawn curtains of the Headmaster's bedroom when he finally opened his eyes. A quick _Tempus_ confirmed that it was just past 7:30, which meant that in less than half an hour he would be expected in the Great Hall for breakfast. Merlin knew he couldn't afford to miss any more, not without arousing suspicion about his whereabouts from the incestuous twins that attempted to lord over the castle anytime he was out of earshot. As if right on cue, Albus came sauntering into a portrait frame that- much to his dismay- had been placed above the desk across from his bed with a Permanent Sticking Charm some years ago. The old Headmaster's bushy white brows raised in surprise when he saw Severus rise from the same rumpled bed as Hermione, who was still unconscious.

"Busy night?" Albus asked cheekily.

"If I weren't so exhausted, I would hex you right out of that frame, old man," Severus growled as he searched through his wardrobe for a fresh set of clothing and robes.

His predecessor looked rather green, "Much as I can appreciate you two, ah, setting aside your differences, I must confess that details are not wanted nor needed—"

His eyes were blazing as he snapped, "She took the soul fragment from Potter and took it into herself. I've just spent the last few hours untangling her from its grasp. I assure you, this was not the time nor the place for any other activities so the jokes are in rather bad taste- even for you."

The portrait looked shocked, "She… _took_ it from Harry? As in, gave it another host to feed from?"

"Yes, so I would appreciate it if you'd show her a little respect."

"But why on earth would she do something so reckless? Did she have any idea the potential consequences of such a thing? What would possess her to act on such madness?"

Severus could not stifle the swell of affection that warmed his chest as he moved to brush a lock of hair back from her peaceful face, "She is a very determined young woman."

The painted man chuckled softly from his place on the wall, "Oh my dear boy, you are in so deep for her, aren't you?"

Though unconscious, Hermione felt his touch and turned her head to nuzzle into his palm before stilling again.

Severus looked up at his old mentor with bright, obsidian eyes, "How could I not be?"

A few moments later, after summoning Rink and instructing her on how to care for Hermione should she awaken- care being plying her with food and comfort and refusing to let her go anywhere just yet- Severus pressed his lips to the witch's temple, donned his billowing teaching robes and swept out of the room.

Albus gave another warm, breathy laugh from his spot above the desk, "Heaven help anyone who keeps you two from each other."


	12. Chapter 12

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Much as I wish I owned Harry Potter, I don't. JKR is the sole owner. I'm just messing around.**

 *****Depression is a bitch. But I'm here and none of these stories will go unfinished!*****

* * *

 _Everything hurt._ Everything. _From the roots of her hair to the chipped varnish on her toes, Hermione felt nothing but… well, not quite pain but rather a bone-deep, mind-numbing exhaustion. The kind of exhaustion that tugged insistently on her entire being, like hundreds and thousands of leaden weights knotted to each of her individual cells with the intention of dragging her further under. She couldn't move, couldn't speak- quite frankly, it was taxing just to keep herself breathing. Why was she so exhausted? It had been years since Severus had let her work herself to the point of collapse; in fact, the last time she could even recall was during their first year teaching together and even then, it had only happened once before he put his foot down. Oh Merlin, Severus was going to be positively livid when he found her… wherever the Hell she had passed out this time._

 _Something niggled around the edges of her mind, but everything was so fuzzy and far away- was she doped up on potions? The taste in her mouth suggested so; how odd? Hermione could feel the inexplicable edge of razor-sharp panic wrapping its jagged fingers around her thoughts but had absolutely no idea where it was coming from. There was no denying that her husband had a vicious temper, but he had never done so much as lift his wand towards her, let alone a hand in violence. Why was she so…?_

 _Poisonous, serpentine words slithered across her memory._

Doessss it hurt…?

He never forgave you…

Always her…

They are dead because of you…

 _It all came back to her then. Alone in the dark, Hermione started screaming._

x-x-x

The little house-elf flapped her hands in panic as she silenced the room, her makeshift powder blue dress rustling around her bony frame with the rapid movements, "Miss Hermy! Miss Hermy, _please_!" She wrung her weathered hands anxiously. "Rink does not know what to do for Miss! The Headmaster said 'care', the Headmaster said 'gentle'!"

"It would seem that he did not anticipate such a violent reaction from her," the former Headmaster replied solemnly from his portrait frame above the desk. "I had wondered, however, if Tom's soul could be so easily shaken."

Hermione continued to scream, the desolate sound shrill enough to shatter the little house-elf's silencing spell within a few short seconds. Rink nearly wailed as the spell broke, her large glassy eyes desperate as she silenced the room again, "Miss Hermy, _please_! Miss is safe here; Master Severus promised—"

At the mention of his name, Hermione's hands curled into fierce claws against the linens and though her eyes were still screwed tightly shut, she began to weep. The screaming had abated, but a broken, lonely wail immediately took its place. The only discernible word was his name, but even that was wrought with grief and anguish; each letter wrapped in mourning as if Severus himself had been the only source of meaning in the universe.

Albus sighed, the twinkle long gone from his eyes as he watched the girl turn on her side and curl in on herself, claws tangling themselves in her messy curls. Whenever the tiny house-elf tried to touch her, Hermione withdrew into herself even further until she was little more than a lump under the sheets. Rink tried another approach, weaving gentle spells across the girl's skin and murmuring soothing words, many of which were interspersed with the current Headmaster's name, but none of it seemed to matter. Wherever Hermione was, whatever she was hearing or seeing, it was simply too powerful for the likes of a house-elf and a long-dead Headmaster confined to a portrait frame.

"Rink, perhaps it is time you seek out your Master."

The house-elf looked conflicted, her large eyes flitting back and forth between her weeping charge and the portrait frame, "But… Rink was instructed to _never—_ "

"Severus trusted you with caring for her," Albus tilted his head towards the bed. "Do you wish to disappoint him?"

"Never!" Rink cried in horror. "Rink cares for Master Severus a great deal! Rink wants to serve the House of Snape for many, many lifetimes!"

His grandfatherly smile was gentle, "Be quick and discreet, and I can almost guarantee he will reward you with the crest of his house. He trusted you to care for his love, after all- and that is not a responsibility our dear Severus takes lightly. Do you want to let him down?"

The house-elf's expression shifted from panic to shaky determination as her eyes landed on the painting, "Rink will never let Master Severus down. _Never_."

"Then fetch your Master, little one."

Rink gave a single sharp nod before snapping her fingers and disappearing with an almost inaudible _pop_!

Dumbledore immediately sagged against his frame, one weathered hand traversing his face as if it could wipe away the years, "Oh, Hermione," he murmured to the room, silent but for her soft weeping. "Where has your heart taken you?"

There was, understandably, no answer.

x-x-x

 _Dead. Everyone she loved was dead. Gone. Erased._

 _Her mum and dad. Her friends. Her… son._

 _Her husband._

 _Severus._ Severus _._

 _His name was like a serrated knife to the heart and Hermione physically crumpled, arms clinging across her chest in a feeble attempt to hold herself together. How was she supposed to go on? How was she supposed to just wake up every morning and live as if… as if she didn't wish she had joined them all in the afterlife instead?_

 _It was impossible. Everything was impossible._

They are dead because of you _…_

 _Hermione dug her fingernails into the tight skin of her shoulders and pressed her teeth into the soft skin of her bottom lip until there was blood. She didn't want this,_ couldn't _do this anymore. Everyone believed her delicately crafted façade: the muggleborn witch more adept at magic than most purebloods, unafraid of anything, always with a backup plan. The muggleborn witch that was a match for most Death Eaters on her own. The muggleborn witch who never believed in violence until it came to protecting her family. The muggleborn witch who was as cunning as Salazar Slytherin but also as courageous as Godric Gryffindor. They all thought she was so strong- almost unshakable…infallible to the core, even. But Hermione was human, just like everyone else. And just like everyone else, she made mistakes._

 _So many, many mistakes. Wrong turns. Missed opportunities._

 _So many dead because of the choices she made._

 _"Please," Hermione begged brokenly to the darkness, "_ please _. I can't do this anymore. I just want to go home."_

 _"I must admit I'm a little disappointed considering my wife was never one to give up quite so easily before. Are you certain you're the same person?"_

 _Hermione's heart came to crashing halt in her chest. She would know that velvety voice, that snide tone in a sea of thousands. Her fingers curled into fists and her muscles tightened, as if preparing to be struck. Was it possible to pass out from hyperventilation if you were already unconscious? She didn't think so, but…_

 _"Mummy?"_

 _Fuck it. Sanity was overrated anyway._

 _Hermione turned, time seeming to stand still as her disbelieving gaze found her husband- her_ Severus _\- smiling rather amusedly with a small boy, no more than five years old, on his hip. A boy with raven curls and amber eyes. A boy with a distinctly aquiline nose and golden skin._

 _She wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, or vomit._

 _"I can see you haven't lost your theatrics," her husband almost snorted, rolling his eyes. "Sometimes I truly believe you were sorted into the wrong House."_

 _Her throat felt raw as the words forced themselves out, "H-how...?"_

 _Severus simply shrugged his free shoulder, "Considering the circumstances, does it really matter? I would have thought, all things considered, you'd have been more interested in saying hello to our little Alexander. Or would you rather we continue to debate the finer points of life and—"_

 _Hermione had them both knocked to the ground before he could finish._

 _"I love you, I love you, I love you," she cried, covering every square inch of their equally sharp faces with wet, tearful kisses. "I love you both so much. Do you have any idea... do you even know...? Gods, I love you both more than anything in this world. I love you. I love you. I'm so sorry but I love you. You have to know that I always, always have."_

 _"Mummy!" Alexander giggled, hiding his face in the crook of her neck and wrapping his tiny arms around the curve of her hunched shoulders. "You are so silly! Daddy told me you were a silly willy, but he said you were super smart, too. Why are you not being smart, silly Mummy?"_

 _She squeezed her eyes shut as she hugged her son tightly, tracks of tears staining her cheeks as she pressed her nose into his curls, "Oh, my sweet little boy. Your daddy must have bumped his head, because I am the worst of fools for not staying with you both."_

 _"Hey," Severus sat up and pulled both of them into the circle of his arms. Hermione nearly choked at the familiar feel of his lips against her forehead and her grip on Alexander loosened just a little. "No self-deprecating, Hermione. No sadness. Not now. Not when we're all finally together."_

 _"I'm sorry," Hermione managed though her voice sounded like shards of broken glass. "I just missed you both so much."_

 _"We missed you too, Mummy!" Alexander bounced between the two of them excitedly, one slender hand tugging on her hair to grab her attention. "But don't be sad- Daddy and me watch you all the time so you're not really alone! Right, Daddy?"_

 _Severus cupped her cheek, his onyx eyes tender as they took in her pained expression, "We are always with you, my love. Never far away. Can't you feel us?"_

 _She wound her fingers in the hair at the nape of her husband's neck and yanked him forward, crashing her lips against his as Alexander groaned and covered his eyes in disgust. Severus placed his free hand against her racing heart, the tips of his long fingers pressing into her skin, branding her the same way he always had._

 _Oddly enough, Severus tasted of morning coffee and tears that were different than her own._

 _Hermione moved her hands to his cheeks only to find them wet as well._

 _Hypocrite._

x-x-x

"Perhaps next time I will know better than to go quite so easy on you with the Cruciatus," Severus growled dangerously as he came charging into the room, robes billow furiously behind him like massive raven wings. He slammed the bedroom door shut so hard the portraits actually shook, but it wasn't until he had silenced and warded the room himself that his thunderous expression shifted and softened- the terrifyingly convincing Death Eater persona slipping away to reveal the true man underneath. His dark eyes, murderous only moments ago, were now gentle and full of concern for the woman who was weeping quietly into his pillow. Severus instantly felt his heart twist at the sight of Hermione- small and vulnerable and trembling beneath the crumpled sheets.

Albus turned to look towards the outer edge of his gilded frame, "The Carrow twins?"

He nodded without looking away from her, "They accosted me in my office only moments before she began screaming. They are now under the distinct impression that I torture young women in my bedroom. Which is just as well, I suppose." Severus came around to the opposite side of the bed and knelt down to get a better look at her. She was curled tightly in a ball, as if protecting herself from impending harm. It was enough to break his fucking heart and he absolutely hated it. His voice was a near whisper when he managed to speak again. "She couldn't be comforted when she awoke? You couldn't reassure her that she was well again?" He reached for her but was stopped by the tiny house-elf's wrinkled fingers around his wrist.

"Miss cries harder at being touched," Rink sniffed as she released her hold on him. "Rink tried to care for Miss, but she… she…"

"Thank you, Rink," Severus gave her a small smile. "I'm certain you did what you thought was best for her. I wouldn't have left Hermione here if I didn't trust your judgement. Now tell me, what happened?"

Albus cut in so Rink could dry her eyes on her dress, "Hermione hasn't opened her eyes yet, my boy. She simply grew restless before—"

"Rink tried to tell Miss," she sniffed into the damp cloth. "Rink told Miss she was safe, that Master Severus was caring for her but then Miss began to cry. Nothing Rink did mattered."

At the mention of his name, Hermione's claws tightened into her skin a little more, a tiny whimper slipping past her lips and with it, cracking his heart open just a bit further.

Severus wanted to grit his teeth but just managed to resist. Damn the old man for being right about something once again. There really was no denying just _how much_ Severus loved the infuriating little chit currently occupying his bed. Not anymore, when the mere sight of her in pain nearly drove him mad. Not when he would rip out his own heart if it took her pain away.

Severus had known he loved Hermione for some time now… he just hadn't realized the severity of it. And now this.

Well, shit.

"She must be semi-conscious to be able to react to hearing your name," Dumbledore stroke his beard in thought. "Do you believe the horcrux could still have hold of her? Could there be a piece, however small, that you accidentally left behind?"

He frowned, jolted back to the situation at hand by the mention of his master's despicable soul. His heavy brow furrowed over the stormy eyes that assessed Hermione, "No. I felt its grasp on her shatter. There was nothing left for it to cling to and her forgiveness all but purified it. I think…" Severus brushed an errant curl from her face and, though she did not stop crying, the tears seemed to slow just a little at his touch. "I think whatever darkness plagues her now is something she has to face on her own. I freed her from the Dark Lord's grasp, but this is… something else. This is something Legilimency can't touch."

"How can you tell?"

"Her magic just feels different somehow. Resistant where it wasn't before," Severus cupped her cheek, thumb stroking the wet skin with reverence and care as he committed every freckle, every scar to memory. Gods, but she was beautiful. Even now she was like something from a dream he never even dared to touch in his wildest fantasies. The worst part was that even though Hermione was his dream, Severus knew that everything in this life was her nightmare. She had come from a place where another version of him had been good and relatively normal. She had come from a place full of love and light and happiness. Only to be thrust right back into the middle of a war she didn't want with a broken shadow of the man she loved.

Knowing the Dark Lord, that thrice-damned piece of his blackened soul had probably used all of that to hurt her, to drain her of the will to open her eyes again even once the horcrux was gone.

Severus' fingers curled into a tight fist, his fingernails biting into the flesh of his palm. He may not be her husband- he may not even be able to give her half of the things the other Severus could have- but there wasn't a chance in all the Hells that he was going to let Tom fucking Riddle take Hermione away from him before he even had a chance to try to be a better man for her.

Not this time.

He leaned forward to press his lips against her forehead for a long moment, dark eyes slipping shut. His voice was barely above a whisper, "You infuriating, insufferable woman- you're stronger than this and we both know it." Severus gently uncurled her claws and deftly threaded his fingers through hers. "I'm sorry for every insensitive, thoughtless thing I ever said to you. I'm sorry for wasting a single moment since you appeared in my sitting room. Come back and let me try again. Give me another chance to get this right. If you don't—" His throat tightened and his eyes burned at the thought of a life without her. No. No, he couldn't face that. It was impossible. "I need you, Hermione. Please. Come back to me."

With his face buried against her shoulder, Severus didn't notice that Hermione had finally stopped crying.

x-x-x

 _The darkness had abated and now they were sitting in their favorite clearing- complete with the dirty, oil-slicked river to the left and the smokestacks of the old factories in the distance. It even smelled like Cokeworth and for the first time in a very long time, Hermione felt like everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be._

 _Alexander was laughing at his own accidental bursts of magic that was currently making the large oak tree above him bloom with Japanese cherry blossoms that morphed into snowflakes just before hitting the ground. Hermione's cheeks were actually sore from smiling so much, but she couldn't quite bring herself to stop. She was sitting in_ their _clearing in Cokeworth- in the place where it all began so long ago- with her husband's arms around her as she leaned back into his perpetually bony chest and watched their son discover his own magic._

 _It was everything she ever wanted._

 _And yet…_

 _"It's not a crime to miss him, you know."_

 _Hermione felt her chest tighten just a little, "I don't know what you're talking about."_

 _Severus pulled her a little closer before resting his chin on the top of her head, "Yes, you do. Did you suddenly forget how abysmal you are at lying, especially to me?"_

" _Severus, I…"_

" _I'm not jealous, if that's what worries you," he chuckled. "Why would I be? Him and I- we're the same man, just two halve of one whole. Admittedly, I probably got the better deal but it is what it is now. Just try to remember that in the future when you feel guilty about loving him, because I know you and you_ will _."_

 _Tears stung her eyes but she managed to hold them back, "Why does it feel like you're trying to say goodbye to me?"_

" _There's my intelligent wife. I was beginning to wonder if she was still in there somewhere," Severus' lips quirked up at the corners as he pressed them to her temple. "You know we can't stay here like this. Things don't work that way, much as we might wish they did."_

 _Hermione tilted her head back so she could see his severe, angular face. Those bottomless obsidian eyes stared back at her exactly the way she remembered and it was all she could do not to break down again._

 _He tucked a stray curl behind her ear, "I'm sorry that I wasted so many years mooning after the wrong girl. Had I know we were going to be..." A few rapid blinks cleared his eyes of the tears that had gathered in the corners. "Had I known, I would have gotten my head out of my arse a lot sooner. Preferably from day one."_

 _She managed a watery smile, "That would have been nice, but not exactly in line with the Severus Snape I know."_

 _His expression was still serious, "I love you, Hermione. I always have and I always will. And Alexander loves you just as much as I do. No matter what happens, that will never change and we will never be far away from you. It's imperative to me that you know that."_

" _But how…" Hermione took his hands in hers- both were shaking. "How can you expect me to just let you go? How can you expect me to lose you both for a second time and still be okay?"_

" _Because you aren't losing us, love," Severus took her chin between his fingers and brushed his lips across hers, feather-light. "You already have part of me- stubborn prick as he may be- and someday you will have part of Alexander, too. I told you, Hermione; that Severus and I are the same man, just different facets. We both love you. We would both move the moon and stars for you. And just as I needed you before, he needs you now."_

" _It's so much harder with him," she admitted quietly. "He isn't like you."_

" _No, he isn't. His life has shaped him into a darker version of what I was, but he isn't_ dark _. Do you understand the difference?"_

 _Hermione simply nodded because she_ did _understand. The other Severus was darker, but there was still plenty of light aching to be let out, afraid to be smothered by the hideous brand on his left arm. He was a Death Eater, he had done terrible things serving Lord Voldemort, but he had also done noble things serving Dumbledore. He was human. He was allowed to make mistakes as long as he learned from them._

 _The grief gripping Hermione's heart loosened and she let out a long, relieved breath._

 _It was okay to make mistakes as long as you learned from them._

 _Holy shit._

 _Severus' crooked smile was almost blinding in its intensity, "It's just revelation after revelation for you today, isn't it?"_

 _She wasn't too stunned to punch his arm._

 _He chuckled a little, "Alexander, come say bye to Mummy. She has to go now."_

" _Awww, just five more minutes?" Their son whined, twisting his toes in the lush grass. "Please?"_

" _Alexander," Severus chided, "don't be greedy. You'll get to see Mummy again soon, I'm sure."_

 _His amber eyes lit up under the sparkling summer sun as he looked up at her, "Yeah? You promise?"_

 _Looking into the eyes of her son, into the eyes of the little boy she dreamed of holding for the last fifteen years, Hermione finally realized that she hadn't made a mistake after all. Death had given her a chance to try again- to fix her mistakes from the first time around._

 _And fix them she would._

 _She knelt down and held her arms open to Alexander, breathing in the scent of his hair deeply when he wound his tiny arms around her waist, "I promise, darling. We will see each other again. For now, keep Daddy out of trouble, okay?"_

 _He nodded fiercely against her shoulder, "I will, Mummy. You can count on me!"_

" _Of course I can," she chuckled. "You're probably the responsible one, just like your Mummy."_

 _Severus actually snorted at that._

 _Hermione ruffled her son's hair before kissing both of his cheeks and then his forehead, "I love you, sweetheart. Be good for Daddy."_

 _Alexander did a silly salute, "Aye, aye captain Mummy!"_

 _Tears stung the corners of her eyes but she pushed them away as she turned to her husband. The words felt lodged at the back of her throat, "Thank you, Severus."_

 _He pulled her into a warm, familiar embrace, his lips at her ear, "You never need to thank me, Hermione. I would move Heaven and Earth for you." Severus took her face in his hands and slanted his mouth over hers until his tongue dipped past her lips. She gripped the front of his white button-down in her fists and allowed herself to taste him, to feel him, to be totally consumed by him for the last time. A few errant tears slipped down her face but she found comfort in what he had told her._

 _Severus was still Severus, if not a little more damaged._

 _And she would have her son someday._

 _Because Hermione was not going to make the same mistakes again._

 _Severus pulled back, little by little, until each new kiss was short and chaste, "Make us proud, my love."_

 _A warm feeling of contentment settled in her chest as she looked up at her best friend one last time, "I will. But I have a sneaking suspicion that this whole 'save the world from Voldemort' thing won't exactly be easy."_

 _He chuckled, taking a step back and slipping Alexander's hand into his own, "Saving the world… saving_ that _Severus… was never going to be easy," her husband smiled crookedly. "But you're Hermione Granger and cynical as he is, even_ he _can't deny your persistence forever. And, if it helps, I do happen to think it will be worth it."_

 _"Of course it will be worth it," Hermione let go of his outstretched hand and closed her eyes, face titled towards the scorching sun in contentment. "He's you."_

x-x-x

Hermione awoke, with the moon high in the inky night sky, to three revelations:

1\. The weight of the war had been lifted from her shoulders and she finally felt like she could breathe properly.

2\. Severus was sitting on the floor next to the bed, fast asleep against the edge of the mattress in nothing but his wrinkled trousers and button-down- clutching her hand as if he were afraid she would disappear.

…and most surprisingly of all-

3\. There was a necklace clasped carefully around her neck. One that she recognized from her seventeenth birthday so many years ago. The still dusty box, now empty, sat open on the nightstand.

She managed to swallow back the lump in her throat at just how significant a gesture this was for someone like him. Hermione slowly reached for her wand, which was also on the nightstand, before gently levitating Severus onto the bed beside her. Once he was situated somewhat comfortably under the sheets, Hermione curled into his side and allowed the steady beating of his heart to lull her to sleep.

Tomorrow, they would plan how to end this war. Once and for all. Together.

No more mistakes.

No more.


End file.
